Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Let the Bodies Hit the Floooooooorrrrr!

Last night was crazy SPIN class night.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on your view) the usual bionic lady PT was away. She was replaced by Intense Serious PT lady.
Just when I thought that there was NO way this class could ever get any harder ISPT made it so.
She introduced a new form of torture where you only lift your arse off the seat a little bit & then peddle like the billy-os. This move introduced my buttocks to a fresh sensation of agony.
I wasnt' a fan of her class. Not just because of the crazy torture-porn type of exercise or her lack of personality or the fact that she insisted on stopping & having us so yoga stretches through-out.
My main gripe was THE MUSIC.
Now I understand that when a rockabilly swing punk ska chick goes to the local modern contemporary gymnasium she cannot expect them to be cranking out the Brian Setzer, Dead Kennedys or Louis Prima.
I expect in a spin class to be subjected to pumped up hard-core thumpy race tracks & techo remixes of the currant spawn of shit that is currently popular on itunes.
This went beyond all of that ear horror. This time my gagging wasn't caused by lactic acid build up in my guts, it was caused by being subjected to the most vomit inducing music I've heard.
Alannah Myles "Black Velvet"
Simon and Garfunkel "Sounds of Silence"
ACDC "Back in Black"
these were just THREE of the songs that had been cut, remixed, resliced, auto-tuned, hip-hopped & technotroniced into the most dreadful sound that could make your ears bleed.
It just cemented my view that when it comes to WORKING OUT. The proper music is ESSENTIAL.
I simply could not muster up any gusto so I kind of apathetically kept cycling.

I still did a rippa of a work-out & burnt 446 calories but at the end of the class I was lack-lustre & couldn't wait to get into the safety cocoon of my car & clean my ear-holes out with some nice clean Bad Manners, Meteors & Nat King Cole.
I've found that I definately exercise (especially when it comes to running) more efficiently with "angry-rip-your-balls-off-with-my-teeth-screw-you-bastard hard core" rock and roll.
Below is my playlist for running.
If you have any other suggestions PLEASE let me know them.
We're Gunna Rock This Town!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Middle Age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

Today is weigh-in day. Cue ominous music.
I perched my nudey self onto the scales & squinted down at the numbers.
I stayed the same.
Technically I have actually lost about 1/2 a kilo to a full kilo.
As I stated yesterday when that old cow Aunty Flo does her monthly visit I traditionally gain about a kilo. My ovaries and uterus must fill up with some sort of heavy gelatinous substance for about 4 days which then miraculously vanishes like a ninja in the night.
So what that means is the mystery monthly baggage did not arrive this time. I did not gain.
By the scientific laws of biology, metaphysically I have actually LOST about a kilo if you think about it.
The fact that it is not actually appearing on the scales means nothing.
Hmmmm good job Vickster *dusts hands*

One of the things I have noticed since starting this 12wbt journey is:
I'm starting to feel my age.
Mentally I still haven't matured past 7th grade where I still laugh at farts, Australia's Funniest Home Videos of elderley ladies falling off trampolines and say things like "I know I am but what are you? Nerrr".
But physically, bizarre things are happening to me.
I've never been one to mutter my age when asked. I proudly announce "I'm FORTY in October! Yep the big FOUR OH. Twenty plus Twenty. FOUR ZERO."
Up until recently I hadn't really noticed my body changing.  I mean the usual things had changed.
I've starting checking the fibre content of my breakfast cereals, I love a noice cup of Earl Grey (loose leaf of course) tea after dinner on a FRIDAY night and I am excited about manchester sales.
I've always been very lucky with my skin. I inheritated my grandmother's lovely skin & so I've never really had pimples. Nanny swore by Oil of Ulan (& didn't she kick up a stink when they changed the name).
Lately though it's all started to go pear shaped.. and I don't mean my arse.
The other night I was sitting on the couch & I thought I had something on my neck. I went to pick it off but I found that it was not a stray piece of rice from my salmon stir-fry.. "What the hell is THAT!?"
I ran to the bathroom mirror. Skin Tags. What the hell?! If you don't know what they are then you are obviously not old enough. They are bits of random skin that decide 'fuck this being all nice & flat on the body I'm gunna stand up". O-M-G. Rank.
Then there is the mutant hair. I have one stray hair that grows under my chin in my sleep. I will awake and overnight this hideous tendril has suddenly grown 5 cm & is waving to me in the mirror as if to say "You can try & fight your hormones but you are losing! See that shimmer on the horizon that's menapause baby!"
Of course I am getting the facial wrinkles or "Laugh Lines" are some poor schmucks like to call them. Thank God for Photobucket editing. I refuse to bow to the corporate beauty giants & hand over hundreds of dollars for the placenta of dead eels with bionauticalishis ectoplasmic hydofluckies. I stick to Dermaveen soap wash, Oil of Ulan during the day & Primrose Oil at night.
The big thing I have noticed these past 3 weeks is my knees.
I was walking down the back steps at work when I heard this weird noise. "Geez these stairs are creaky" I thought. Fast forward to the gym. I was geared up to do my favourite exercise (NOT!) Lunges.
I heard it again. "It must be my shoes!" Then it hit me.
That crunchy noise that sounded like somebody squishing up a bag of Crunchy Nut Cornflakes was ...
It is the most hideous sound.
So now in addition to the natural fertility teas I am on, the multi-vitamens, the olive leaf extract, the calcium tablets & the omega 3 fish oil ... I am now on the Glucosamine tablets as well. *face palm*
God... what's next?!
I could go on & on & on but it's time for me to have a Bex and a lie down.

Monday, February 27, 2012

That's not Sweat. It's my Body Crying.

Saturday was my second SSS (Sixty Second Screamer) Saturday. Basically it is a circuit of a mix of weights & cardio. You jump on say the Chest Press machine & for the next 60 seconds you blast out as many reps as you can before your heart & lungs implode and you scream in agony.
I have to do 3 circuits. So off I trundled to the gym. This time I didn't so much skip as amble through the front doors. Last week's horror was still fresh in my mind.
I must say, I started off full of verve with thoughts like "Vickster you are totally kickin' it baby! Lean & Mean Baby Lean & Mean!" My first circuit had me firing on all cylinders & full of enthusiasm.
Half way around circuit two something happened.

I do not actually BURP half way through. This is short for BURPEES.
I'm not sure if my blood sugar dropped like a dodgy elevator or if my girlie bits suddenly realised that Sunday is TTOM (That Time of The Month) but my energy levels went from 8 to about a 4.
I was flaggin'. My face started to contort like a dog eating a nettle.
Every push of the press or pull of the bar, every lift of the weight & every jump of the leg I struggled.
Man oh man I was suddenly so very tired.
But, I pushed through. I uped the weights but slowed down on the reps. Instead of doing step ups on a two-tiered step I bought it down to one step.
It didn't help that I had forgotten my ipod & so had to suffer the ear cancer that is Nova FM that was cranked over the speakers playing the latest hits with a bullet (or something). I'm sorry but Adele, even though her voice is lovely, does not get my pulse racing & push me through the pain of doing shitful Mountain Climber moves. And what is that god-awful song I'm Sexy and I know It.  Vomit.
About 4 moves into circuit 3 I thought "Stuff this I'm going home" BUT...... I didn't quit.
I pushed through.
Even when the elderley man on the lat pull-down asked me if I was ok.
Once again my face was bright red & I looked like I was going to have a brain embolism.
"Stick it up ya bum you fit old bastard" is what I thought but instead I chirperly said "Oh I go bright red & my eyes glaze over like this ALL the time. Nothing to worry about!Thanks mate"

I only burnt seven hundred and something calories but I reckon that's still pretty bloody good.
Sure enough TTOM arrived on Sunday which has meant that for the last 2 days it has felt like my reproductive organs are being grated with an a cheese grater. I didn't exercise on Sunday (Mish says no) & I didn't do any on Monday due to some family stuff I had to do.
Today I am meant to be doing weights but because I missed out yesterday I am going to do cardio.
I don't have high hopes for tomorrow's weigh in because when Aunty Flo comes to visit she normally brings with her at least 1 kilo of bloatiness & water retension. Bitch.
We'll see though.
Fingers crossed.
I'm Sexy and I Know It...... NOT.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

You have to sweat like a Pig and work like a Horse to look like a Fox

Well. Wednesday night's spin class was everything I expected and more. It had the works.
Sweat. Swearing. Excruciating pain.And dry retching. Brilliant.
I was determined to crack the 400 calories burnt. I'm not sure where is new freakazoid exercise Vicki has come from. She's a wee bit wacky.
I jumped onto my deadly-treadly & pressed START on my fancy heart rate monitor watch. I did a quick look around the room to make sure people saw me so they know that I am SERIOUS about my exercise.
Yep people. I am monitoring my heart rate so I burn optimum calories. Yep I am a serious athlete now.
Alas the other 15 people were too busy adjusting their seats & getting their triathelete taunt bodies into position and adjusting their SKINS to notice the blonde frump up the back.
Then the Million Dollar Lady Woman PT came in. And announced
"OK Vicki we are going to crack that 400 today!!!".
"Yess ma'mm" I muttered.
And so began 45 minutes of insanity. We did this track called The Pain Killer. This was when I seriously thought I was gunna chunder all over myself. It is bullshit hard. It involves having your bike on a really hard gear, pedalling like a T-Rex with rabies is chasing you, sitting/pedalling for 8 counts then stand & pedal like a mo-fo for 8 counts. The muscles in your quads go totally spare.
Anyway, the last track FINALLY came & PT lady says those magical words
"Time to cool-down".
Through bleery glazed eyes I glimpse at my watch. .... 390 calories.
My hand darts up "MISS !!!MISSS !!! I'VE ONLY GOT 10 CALORIES TO GO!"
"Right!!!" She screams "Everybody. Gears back on and sprint for 1 minute so Vicki can get to 400!"
Everybody (Including me) starts peddling like the clappers.
Everybody starts yelling "GO VICKI GO VICKI"
I keep looking at my watch.
1 TO GO.....
400 CALORIES!!!!!!!!

Everybody cheering & woohooed at me.
I meekly smiled while the lactic acid in my guts threatened to explode out of my mouth into their proud faces.
"EErrg" I gagged " I think I'm going to spew".
To this the class cheered and screamed "BRILLIANT!!" ??????
Apparantly wanting to blow chunks during this class is some sort of honour. Like one of those American college fraternity rites of passage things like chugging a whole keg of beer while shaving an eyebrow off.
Afterwards people were walking past me and literally patting me on the back & saying "Well done on the 400 calories"."You nearly hurled Well Done". "See ya next week!".
It's like I have passed some sort of initiation ceremony.
Bionic Woman PT came up to me .
"You did great Vicki.... So next week we'll hit the 420 eh?" *smirk*
I quickly pretended to feel faint & ran away and hid in the toilets.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

You might remember me from such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin", and "Get Confident, Stupid." Troy McClure

Just a quickie this arvo to do my Weekly Weigh-In Report.
This week I lost 500g which brings my total weight loss to 1.3kg in 10 days.
My little 'ticker' graph thingy on the right must round down to the the nearest kilo as I can't for the life of me get to to say 1.3kg. Stupid graphy thing... pout.
After I did my morning wee & got my kit off I tip-toed onto the scales.
I ran around the room starkers high-fiving bits of furniture while yelling "YES" "YES" "BOOYARR".
I hope I continue on this downward drop at the same rate.
I'd be happy to lose about 6-10 kilos in the 12 weeks.
It would be just my luck that it will all come off my calves & forearms & my giant bazoongas will stay the same. This is what TBF is hoping.
Tonight I have the killer spin class with the Bionic Woman instructor. She's told me that now that she knows I am doing the 12wbt she is going to be watching me (with her bionic x-ray vision no doubt) & making sure that I am exercising to maximum capacity.
Awesome (insert sarcastic font).

Monday, February 20, 2012

I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats.-Homer Simpson

Sunday saw TBF & I head up the mountain (Tamborine Mountain) to attend the Garterbelts and Gasoline Soap Box Derby meet. While the lads stood around in the heat & blistering sun talking about pistons & steering wheels, we fair haired maidens quickly bustled ourselves into the shade of the bistro area.
Now Sunday is the 12wbt exercise rest day. Thank goodness. I could feel my buttocks expand as they untensed themselves and relaxed onto the seat knowing that for one day they would not be put through gruelling torture. Sweet!
Problemo number one: I was fangin' for a skinny flat white & was abruptly told by the cashier that they only have full-cream. "Well I'll just have to do 5 spins classes this arvo har har har" was met with clanging silence and the sound of chirping crickets.
"Fine. Fullcream it is" I muttered. "Probably bloody 500 calories mutter mutter grumble grumble". But dammit I had to have coffee!!!
Problemo number two: This was to be my first "EATING OUT" situation on the 12wbt.
My lunch was supposed to be a home-made steak sandwich with a piece of steak cut wafer thin (said with French accent) on 2 pieces of super fibre bread so you can be assured that within 5 hours it would be flushed away anyway.
I perused the menu. Chicken Caeser? Mega Bowl of Fries with Aioli?
The Wagu Beef Burger certainly SOUNDED alot like my steak sandwich.
When I got it I did something that just proves that I am a changed woman. That I have super human willpower. I took ALL the delicious smelling drool-worthy fries off my plate & dumped that pile of atheroscleriosis onto TBF's plate and ALSO removed the bacon (dear sweat salty bacon) off my burger and plopped it onto the fries.
I thought "If I squish this down really hard with the palm of my hand it will be flat & be JUST LIKE what I am supposed to eat!". However, I sensed my friend's eyes on me & left it as is.

Problemo Number Three:  BEER. It was a hot day. Humid. Sticky. Yucky. Flies everywhere. Steamy. Blerky HOT. Sweaty. (I HATE sweating)
We were at A BREWERY! A BREWERY PEOPLE! For the love of God!
All around us were people sipping on icey icey cold glasses of cool cool beer.
One of TBF's eyes started to turn in & I had developed a tick over my eye as I watched our friend sip at his lager and after each sip let out a statisfied "Arrrrrrrrr".
'RIGHT' I exclaimed "THAT'S IT!"
We compromised and got a $10 taster. You get 4 different beers to try. Each about the equivalent of about 1/4 of a pot of beer. Like we were savouring the nector of the Gods themselves we sipped that liquid gold shuddering with delight at every taste. Droooool. MMmmmm Beeerrrr.

It was worth it.
I think I did pretty bloody good. I didn't even have sorbet while everyone else did. I'm a freakin' saint.
Later that afternoon I thought about going for a walk ...........anyway.......
I thought about it.
Then I thought "Bugger that". Mish has INSTRUCTED me NOT to exercise today.
I can't let her down.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

SSS (Sweat, Swearing, Suffering)

Friday afternoon I did something bizarre. Instead of my usual stop at my second boyfriend's place (Dan Murphy's) I went & did my Week Two food shopping. Then I went home & did my Core Strength exercises. It's official. I have no core. I am coreless. The core nazi said "NO CORE FOR YOU".
I'm surprised that I can remain vertical at all without going limp like half deflated creepy air dancer thing.
The side planks were a joke. I'm sure that over the next 12 weeks I will get stronger.
Saturday was what Mish calls the SSS. The Sixty Second Screamer.
Basically the you do a circuit (3 times) of a mix of cardio & resistance training with the object being that you burn 1000 calories!!!!
Off I skipped to the gym. "This is gunna be brilliant!" I foolishly thought.
Doing the full circuit 3 times took me 1 1/2 hours. At around the 45 minute mark I thought I was going to spew and was thanking the lawd that there was only about 4 other people in the gym because I was starting to speak in tounges. At 1 hour I cursed Mz Bridges & decided that the SSS should actually stand for Sweat, Swearing & Suffering. At one point a man came up to be when I was doing the worst exercise I have EVER experienced... even worse than spin.... BURPEES. They suck arse.... Anyway this bloke came up & said "Are you OK? You're working bloody hard!". I wiped the drool from my chin & muttered something like " Fgiingnsoog fuckin hot woduhla SSS Thanks". I took a glimpse of myself in the gym mirror.
I was as red as a lobster, my hair was plastered to my head, my mascara had run down my cheeks & I had that weird vibraty shaky thing happening in my muscles. I could have been the poster child for the next George Romero zombie flick.
After 1 1/2 hours I blustered "THANK GOD!" & collapsed onto the stretching mats huffing & panting.
Surely I must have burnt at least 50 billion calories!!
I brought my shaky wrist up to my eyes & tried to focus on the the heart rate/calorie monitor.

755 calories.
755 calories
What the hell!?
It was at that point the Amy the super human PT bounded up to me. "If you want to get up to 1000 feel free to join me in the Spin room where a group of us a training to ride to the Netherlands and back in a day".
 (or something like that).
I think that the look on my face must have spoken volumes because I didn't speak and she quickly backed away mumbling "Maybe not then........."
In the car I blasted the freezing aircon into my head that felt like it was going to explode from heat like that guy in Scanners. The cold shower when I got home was heaven!
It took until the next morning for the redness to leave my face.
HOWEVER after my shower... I felt great. The endolphins came out to play.

I then set about baking this week's Banana Bread. Now TBF don't have an oven. We have one of those little bench top things that can fit one small meat pie so this was going to be interesting.
Funnily enough they turned out bloody great. I'm not sure why the recipe called for me to make enough Banana Bread to feed 2 families when I only need 3 slices for my week though????
I did devour one piece still warm from the oven & it was fantastic!
I cooked up my Saturday night "Treat Meal" (every Sat night you can eat whatever you want.. I don't think it means a Family Size Meat Lovers with extra Cheesy Crust though BUGGER).
I did lean mince with Organic Tomato Pasta sauce on Organic Corn Chips with a bit of low-fat cheese.
Then I went to bed & lapsed into a exercise induced coma.

I did NOT photoshop the redness. It had actually gone DOWN a bit when I took this!!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Don't worry. Wonder Woman was an Amazon. And Amazons tend to be very beefy gals.-Sheldon Cooper

Yesterday was not a good day. Only Day 4 and I had some mega cranky pants on.
Why? HUNGER that's why. I've gone from eating enough food to feed the entire Broncos footy team to eating what seems like the equivalent of what a jockey training for melbourne cup eats.
The 12wbt has you on 1200 calories a day.
Now obviously this is what a normal gal should be eating a day. Don't get me wrong my previous diet was filled with uber healthy food. Mainly organic & fat sugar free. Very rarely do I eat nasty take-away shite.
It's just that my quantity sizes were huge.
I have a medical condition called "hollowlegitis". An unfortunate afflication which allows me to eat vast quanties of food without feeling full. Obviously over the years my inner guts have stretched out and expanded like a water balloon filled up and so now when I am eating smaller meals there is all this empty space.
Like putting a golf ball in one of those underground caves. Hello-o-o-o-o-oooo *echoes*
I am sure that over time my stomach innards will shrink down so I won't feel so empty.
Yesterday afternoon (even after eating my snacks) I was raveonously hungry. So hungry I felt ill.... and cranky.. very very cranky. I could have eaten the arse out of a low flying duck!
"You can't go & do an hour of exercise like this" I snapped at myself in the rear view mirror.
"Shut up ya bum-ache!" I snapped angrily back at my reflection.
Groucherly I stomped into the local IGA glowering at anyone who dared look my way.
I grabbed a box of the Quakers brand muslie bars (25% LESS FAT!!!) and stamped to the check-out.
The intense feelings of hunger took over my rational brain & before I knew it I had also bought a Cadbury Creme Egg. I got to the car & tore into the egg like one of my staffies tearing into my bath towels. Then I ate not one but two of the muslie bars.
"Get stuffed" I sneered at myself in the mirror when I looked at myself with a mixture of pity & contempt.
I quickly sped off to the gym and did my weights workout.
Afterwards I felt really really good (incredible) & my mood had definately improved.
When Amy the PT who takes the spin class came up & asked how I was going I was practically chipper!
I told her about my extreme hunger & she gave me some tips. Basically she recommended that I snack on PROTEIN PROTEIN PROTEIN. She is totally my idol. I would love to have her body.
Not in the nudge nudge wink wink have her body but in the I would like to remove her head & put mine in it's place way. (ok that is kind of weird and a bit Dexterish). She is totally FIT looking. Not muscley just buff. She is in training to do an 80km run. 80 FRIGGIN KILMETRES. What kind of person does that?!
She might be hawt but she's obviously cuckoo.I get exhausted just driving 80 kilometres!!!
Today I am feeling pretty good & excited about starting Week 2. I've printed out my eating plan & shopping list. I feel in control.
I'm a wee bit nervous about the weekend and keeping on track though. I must focus.
I'm back on track though so it's onwards & upwards . I'm so like totally in the zone... like totally.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I bent my wookie - Ralph Wiggum:

Today is the first weigh in day.
I did as Mish (that's what us 12wbt peeps called you can't call her that) said.
I got up did wee-wees, stripped off my Peter Alexanders & stepped gingerly onto my WW digital scales. 89.4kg!!! I admit that I did a little highland jig around my spare room in the nuddy.
Twas quite a sight to behold. I'm already below the 90 line. Sweet-as MAAATE!
That is a loss of 800g which is 3.2 blocks of Western Star butter (Mmmmmm butter *slaps own face*)
Yesterday I did my weights session at the gym. I must have looked as out of place as a sloth in a cornfield as some super fit young lassy approached me & asked if I needed any help. I had been looking at the hamstring curl machine as if it were some kind of medieval torture device. I wasn't so sure how to strap myself into it.
Fit gal instructed me how to adjust all the cogs & pulleys etc. Bless her I think she was thinking "Awww the poor ole tart don't even know 'ow to use the stuff".
I did pretty good on most of the machines & even found some of them pretty easy.
The chest pully thing & the hamstring one were the hardest.
My quads are feeling slightly ouchy today but not too bad.
Tonight I am doing SPIN class. This is the bike riding class that makes you feel like you are going to spew all over yourself while your legs feel like they are being torn apart by a shredder & your lungs burn like molten.
Fun fun fun & more fun. However, the super human gal who takes the class is awesome & plays really excellent rockin' music like Aerosmith, Metallica & Dr Hook. I find that music is the cincher with me.
If I have totally rad music than it makes my work-out easier.
After a spin class my legs feel like jelly & I walk like I've been out on the Jagermeister all night BUT I FEEL AMAZING. Sure it takes about 5 hours for the redness to leave my face but those mythical endolphins ( I know it's endorphins but endolphins sounds better) leave me buzzing. Crazy!
Hopefully my loss of 800g will be a continuing trend.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

And so it begins.....

As part of the lead up to DAY ONE you have to complete some fitness tests to determine if you are a Beginner, Intermediate, Advanced or A Freak With Super-Human Powers.
How many push-ups (on my knees) can I do in 1 minute? - Ummmm 13
How long can I sit up against a wall squatting down? - Ummmmm about 36 seconds
Can I do a sit up with my hands behind my head? - Ummmmm no I cannot.
How long does it take for me to run/walk 1km? - 7 minutes & 20 seconds.
I think there needs to be another level. One BEFORE Beginner.
Seriously people I'm surprised I can make it up the front steps of my house!
Path-et-ic. One day though I will look like one of those chicks in those Lorna Jane posters or one of the sexy gals in the Lonsdale posters.. looking all fit-as & pouty.
Saturday I had my version of The Last Supper. MOS Burger.
If you've never had MOS Burger you are missin' out. It is a Japanese burger chain. Kinda like Maccas but WAYYYYYY nicer. It's at Sunnybank Plaza.
Saturday night we had dinner at the in-laws & I proudly advised everybody of my 12wbt challenge & asked them to help me by not offering me delicious home-cooked chocolate cake and bickies. They, of course, are behind me 100%. However, I was still in Last Supper mode & 'just had' to have a final rum ball & lemon slice with my coffee. The MIL is a fantastic cook, baker, creator of gastronomic treats BUT she is also very much into healthy food & lifestyle. I was very proud of myself as I didn't have ANY alcohol and stuck with coffee & water.
On Sunday I hit the Redcliffe markets with 12wBT shopping list gripped tightly in my little puddin' hand.
Organic chook breasts & rump steak for din-dins. I couldn't find tuna steaks even at the fish mart so I got swordfish steaks. I hope this will be ok.
Next stop Woolies. Wherever possible I try to do Organic and I was practically skipping down the aisles with excitement about my brand new eating programme.
When I got home I divvied it all up & spent the rest of the arvo doing housework & day dreaming about just how HAWT I am going to look at the end of it all. I took out one of my rayon blouses & whispered to it "Soon my lovely soon".
I awoke this morning a bit excited. I've gotta say brekkie of fruit on toast was one for the books.
Definately not something that I would normally eat for breakfast. I am normally a big fan of eggs on toast.
It was quiet yummy though and looked quite fancy-schamsy.

My turkey wrap lunch was yummy but it is now 2.15pm & I am starving so I think I might have some Ryvitas with cheese.
So far so good. I'm off to the gym this arvo & am kind of dreading the X-Trainer torture machine.
And I bloody forgot my iphone/ipod & I HATE exercising without music!
I'm sure I'll survive.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Men wouldn't look at Me When I was SKINNY !!!


Well the whole crazy bidness OFFICALLY begins on Monday 13th....
So, I have tonight, Saturday & Sunday to binge, gorge, drink and generally stuff my face before the intensity begins.
At the mo it is 6.45 on Friday night & I am having my first glass of alcohol for 2 weeks.
I've been cutting back on the good ole grape since TBF (The Big Fella.. my husband) & I started seeing a fertility naturopath acupuncturist.
But tonight is my last night of the plonk for the next 3 months (min).
By Golly I DO like a drink (or two or three) but for the sake of the frocks I must abstain!
As for tonight, I am partaking in a very noice bottle of Temple Bruer Melot 2011 Organic Wine "Preservative Free" from South Australia.
The words ORGANIC & PRESERVATIVE FREE ease my guilty mind into thinking I am actually doing my body GOOD by sipping a bottle away tonight.
Will I miss the grog? You bet your sweet booty. Am I an alcoholic? NO. I prefer the term soberholic lush.
I'm not gunna lie. I love the way it takes those nasty sharp edges off the world of reality & replaces them with fuzzy lines of slurring apathy.
BUT... I SAY BUT.... the frocks, the Pendelton jackets and the novelty print blouses that only come in sizes 10 - 14 are more important than any night of drunken lolly-gagging.
I was going to post my DAY MINUS THREE ...IT BEGINS pictures of me in my Reg Grundy's but I couldn't put anyone through the horror of seeing my albino dugong body in my mega stylish earring-aide beige plus size 'for the more buxom' lady underwear. I swear you would run screaming from the room "My eyes oh God my eyes!!!!!!!"
SO, I am posting my more PC rated BEFORE shots on here.
Maybe at the end of this when I have a body like Jillian Michaels I will put up the side show freak pics but they will be next to my SLAMMIN' HAWT pics so you have a comparison of awesomeness.
Thank you for reading & sticking around for Day one.
Esscuzzzz meeee bu I haf wine to jrink now.

no I am not pushing my gut out. That is what it is like normally.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Michelle Bridges 12 week Body Transformation

"A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to prove you're a lady." — Edith Head

There are many out there who are losing weight for health reasons.
Not me.
My reason.
If you know me you will know that I am a vintage gal. Totally born to the wrong era. I have a passion... well obsession with the 1940s & 1950s. Everything from the furniture & art to movies, music & manchester.
But mostly the clothing.
Over the last 12 years I have amassed quite the collection of AMAZING original dresses, pants, blouses & skirts from these decades.
And yes (before the explosion of weight gain) I would wear vintage clothing about 70 % of the time. If I didn't wear original vintage it would be vintage inspired (except for my trusty holey trackie daks that is).
For the last 4 and a bit years these gorgeous creatures of silk, rayon & cotton have hung forlonly in my spare room cupboards. In a moment of despair I even sold off about 1/4 of my cupboard.
I will often throw open these doors & let out a loud sigh. I hold them up to my body with a feeling of melancholy. I miss them as if they are old friends.
My Pièce de résistance is my 4 Avanti silk rayon blouses. I bought them at Viva las Vegas about 6 years ago. They are beautiful. I have NEVER worn them. When I bought them they were just a bit too small to go around my bazoongas... Now.... forget about it.
I love them & can't bring myself to part with them.
One day my pretties. One day I will wear you my rayon beauties!
There are many pieces in my cupboard that I haven't even worn at all!
I long for the day that I can once again get 'frocked up' & feel like a glamour again.
I do not socialise much anymore as I am totally embarrassed by how I look now.
It is also impossible to buy vintage 'in my size' which frustrates the vintage shopping addict in me.
This, however, has not stopped me from buying frocks that my future-self will be able to wear.
In the mean-time I will continue to wear my hideous Millers trousers & my oversized non-button up (the 'girls' don't like buttons) blouses.

Hence the reason I have "Rayon Dreams in a Cheesecake World".