Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Im pickin up good vibrations Shes giving me excitations

First of all can I just say..
HOLY SHARMOLEY I LOST 2.1 kilos this week!!!
My post IVF body is obviously reacting very well to getting back into exercise.
Sweet as mate! My goal is to get below 80 kg by New Years.
So that is 7.6 kilos in about 9 weeks. Hmmmmmm I may be pushing it.

I NEED to get myself into some sort of acceptable body shape by Jan 9 because...
Luckily it is booked with Bexterity Pin Up Photography so I know that Bek will work her magic on me to make me look totally sensational and sexy-as. I'm very excited. NO I'm not going to do any undie shots . no amount of makeup, lighting & positioning is going to get this little blonde duck to pose in her Reg Grundys. *shudder* No... something sassy yet pretty I think.

In other news... yesterday I hit the gym & did some cardio. I was pretty happy because I can now do a whole 3 minutes on the bull-shit hard stair master machine. Last week I could only do 2 minutes.
Anyway... I had finished and was doing my stretching *sigh bliss *. Next to me was the instructor "T" doing her funky exercises on this thing called The Power-Plate. I've been eyeing this machine off warily as you have to have supervision to use it. You can't just jump on it.
Hmmmmm wait sort of tortureous machine is this then?
"T" looked over at me and enquired as to how I liked her U-Bound class.
I was honest. I told her about the terrible foot pain and how my legs went all wonky and that it just isn't my cup of tea. She was fine.
"What's that fing do?" I blurted.
"Here hop on & I'll give you a go"
So hesitantly I stepped on. She instructed me to get into a squat position & hold on to the bars.
She then turned it on.
O....M.....Gg g g g g g g g g g g g g g
It send a very powerful vibration up through my feet & legs and
IT FELT UNREAL!!! (not not THAT kind of vibrator good you feelthy minded people)
It felt like my muscles were getting a massive workout BUT at the same time all the tightness & stress in my muscles was being vibrated out.
The horrific pain that I constantly have in my feet disappeared and the constant chronic aching in my legs started to vanish. I almost started crying. Seriously.
I then did a wide leg squat and then I had to bend over & touch my toes.
I didn't want it to end.
When I hopped off my legs felt like I'd done 3 U-Bound classes in a row BUT my muscles in my entire body felt AMAZING!
"HOLY SHIT" I exclaimly rather too loudly.
"I know" she smirked.
So basically if you want to use this miracle machine that I have nicknamed the Jesus Machine you have to be TRAINED. It is $45 to have "T" train you to use it. Apparently, if you don't do the exercises correctly you can actually damage your muscles.
Then after you are trained it costs $10 for an hour use.
It isn't a substitute for proper exercise but.........

Power-Plate is a machine that gives the body's muscles a high-speed workout by using vibrations to stimulate them to contract and relax. They generally contract once or twice a second, but by standing on the Power-Plate, its vibrations cause an automatic reflex muscle contraction of 30-50 a second.
Power-Plate is a great time-saver due to the effectiveness of training and the fact that many muscle groups are activated at the same time. It's claimed that 10 minutes on the Power-Plate will have the same results as 60 minutes of conventional strenuous training.
Benefits include:
  • Immediate improvements in blood circulation
  • Increased muscle strength and flexibility
  • Increased joint range of motions
  • Decreased cellulite
  • Increased bone mineral density
  • Reduced pain and soreness
  • Faster recovery and regenration from injury and training
  • Enhanced metabolism and lymphatic flow and reductions in cortisol (which is a stress hormone)
  • Little impact on the joints and ligaments
  • Capacity for whole body massage and relaxation
  • Increases the production of collagen to encourage firmer, smoother skin
  • Helps prevent age-related muscle loss, bone density loss and skin wrinkles
  • People with medical conitions can exercise while working wothin their personal physcial limitations
  • Helps prevent injuries through enhanced propriceptive awareness and control

Thursday, October 25, 2012

You gotta jump, jive, and then you wail away!


First of all, can I just say that I have had a morbid fear of mini-trampolines since 'the accident' in Year 10 in PE class.  We had to run at the vaulting horse, jump onto the trampoline, do a handstand flip over the vault & land daintily on the otherside.
I ran at the vault with my knock-knees like a drag-queen running from a giant alligator, arms flailing.
My foot landed on the trampoline and ...went straight through the springs which cause me to face plant straight into the vault. Sort of like that guy at the start of Wide World of Sports. Everybody laughed... of course.

So last night I gingerly stepped onto the tramp.
The instructor I'll call "T" is the 2011 Natural World + Olympia 'Ms Figure' Champion. No shit.
She makes "A" look like a before contestant on The Biggest Loser!
Right from the get-go I knew that I was in trouble.

Firstly, my legs & feet just flat out REFUSED to come to the party.
"Nope" they muttered "This weird boundey thing ... it's just not natural".
So I just ignored all the routines & just kept bouncing.
Then the insane pain in the bottom of my mangy shit feet began. I've got the flattest feet ever and the jumping felt like someone was spearing me from beneath with hot pitchforks into the arch of my feet.
Then the amazing muscular pain started in the quads, calves, thighs... who am I kidding... the ENTIRE area below the waist. This, however, is supposed to happen in this class.
It is NEVER a good sign when the fittest buffest woman in the cosmos is puffing and exclaiming "My heart rate is up to 180 !!! WOOOOOOO ROCK ON!!!!"
Then I felt like my pelvic floor muscles were going to open up like the gates of Wivenhoe Dam as the constant jumping was affecting my bladder. I was seriously freaking out about releasing a torrent of wee all over myself!

"Jesus Wept! Thank Frick this only goes for 45 minutes!"
At 6.10 I nearly broke down crying ... only 5 minutes to go!!!

NO... I WAS WRONG.... The class goes for an hour. 20 minutes to go.
I seriously nearly collapsed to the ground sobbing, wailing and slobbering like a freak.

SOMEHOW I made it through. I discoverd that jogging on my toes was the only move that my unco legs and crippled feet could handle & so I just stuck to that.
At the end of the class "T" came jumping up to me like a puppy that is happy it's owner is home.
" I diden lie kit" I mumbled under my breath.
"I don fuckin thi so ya bloody fu........ looney mumble mumble mumble"

So.... sorry Dolphins but you can stick ya Boundey class up ya clacker.
I did burn about 475 calories but I think most of that was from the trembling in horror.

Anyway, just so we don't feel too angry toward trampolines, I've posted a video I found on YouTube of Mud the bull-dog jumping on his trampoline.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

You can tell alot about a person from their biography

Last night I did my first SPIN .... sorry... TOP RIDE class in about 6 months.
I was very nervous.
The instructor lady came in & exclaimed 'VICKI!! YOU'RE BACK AGAIN!!"
"-es" I mumbled as I tried to shrink into the corner.
"We'll just have to work you EXTRA hard then won't we!!!"
"sigh" I sighed.

If you have been reading my blog for a while you will remember (I'll call her A) her from previous entries. I believe that A is part of a scientific experiment kind of like X-Men. A may be a cyborg.
She is super duper mega ultra fit as. And attractive. And really nice...... bitch.
I actually didn't do too badly in the class. I only felt like I was really going to die 3 times in the 45 minute class and only felt like vomiting once half way through song #2 (mental note DO NOT drink one of those chocolate protein up & go drinks 5 minutes before a spin class).
At the end of the class with the blessed relief of the cool-down & stretch I felt...
I will be back next week. It feels good to be back into some full-on cardio.
Oh I also burnt
If you still look good at the end of your workout - you haven't worked hard enough.
Nice dishevelled hair
Tonight I am going to attempt to do A's other class.. U-Bounce.
I'm going to have to steal some heavy duty gaffa tape from work to strap The Girls down for that one.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Success is 1% Inspiration 98% Perspiration and 2 % Attention to Detail

89.7 KILOS
Shit. Bum. Poo. Arse. Balls. Stink. Frik. Fudge.
Back to the beginning I go.
What a bum ache.

Last night I was all gung-ho about getting back into the gym. I printed out my Week 9 exercise plan.
I printed out my gym program. I highlighted with my fancy Artline 660 the classes I would be attending.
"RIGHT VICKI" I scolded myself "Pull your finger out of your flabby lard arse and get back into it. Good eating. Exercise until you are sweating and cursing your mother's name. Say NO to sugar."

Then I get a phone call on the way home. It is my super duper gorgeous nephew's 2nd birthday & the fam is gathering to celebrate the little dude.
No gym AGAIN. My planned healthy dinner out the window. I also didn't get a chance to prepare my lunch for today (so I had Carmen's Muesli with banana).
I must admit I had my cranky elastic waisted pants on big time. My hideous Millers size 18 pants. FML.

Dammit. Sometime life just seems to get in the way.
Mind you, it was worth it as I was sitting eating a slice of his chocolate birthday cake watching the little tacker dancing to Gangham Style. Cuteness overload.


Today I AM going to the gym.

I am going to do the 5.30pm SPIN class.

 I WILL feel like I am going to DIE.

I may cry like a baby.

89.7 KILOS


PS: THANK YOU SO MUCH for your comments. They truely do help me heaps & heaps.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Oooooh, I love a bit of cake. Oooooh, cake. Oooooh, cake. Cake. Cake. Cake. Cake.

Well I turned 40 yesterday. Bloody hell that snuck up on me. I don't FEEL 40. I still have the maturity level of an 8 year who still laughs at farts. *snigger*
I had a bit of a shin-dig on Saturday night & put on Mz Vicki's Truck Stop Diner party.
It was a corker of a night. I am so blessed to have awesome friends & family who are all as bat-shit crazy as me. Great music Great Food Great Company. Bleedin Brilliant!

Mum got me an amazing chocolate mudcake of which I have eaten a mountain of. I now feel like a pasty white blonde haired version of Jabba The Hut. I feel gruesome.
I also had wines at my party. Yep after 7 months I had wines. I felt ok but the next day my guts felt like I had drink a litre of straight balsamic vinegar mixed with ribena. Not good.
Well I've had my tipple and I think I'll stay off the turps from now on.
I'm trying SO hard to get motivated. To get my 12wbt mind-set right.
I just feel like I can't be arsed. It's just such a friggin effort!
Even writing this blog is taking it out of me.
I know I know I know I just got to flippin DO IT.
I did a sneaky weigh in this morning. OMFG. NOT GOOD.
MONDAY:  No exercise because it was my birthday & SHUT-UP
WEDNESDAY:  back to Spin class where I will probably vomit or pass out or pass-out in my vomit
THURSDAY: I'm going to try a U-Bounce class. It is meant to strip the fat straight out of your thighs onto the floor of the gym as you bounce on mini tramps.
SUNDAY: Moan & Whimper & Whinge about the pain.
I flippin HATE being a boomba but Geez it shits me that I have to work so bloody hard to lose it.
Call the wahhhbulance!
Please somebody send me some motivation!!!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Yesterday I had ONE of these. Do NOT be fooled.
Once you eat just ONE of these your brain will implode with the ectasy of the deliciousness of it.
If you buy a whole pack with the thought "I'll just have ONE" you are a fool.
Since yesterday I cannot stop thinking about going to Woolies & buying a packet, sitting in the carpark of the gym & scoffing as many of these into my mouth at once as I can ala Augustus Gloop in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.

These amazing treats add a whole new level to the word delicious.

If you look up "delicious" in the thesaurus you see
adorable, ambrosial, appetizing, choice, dainty, darling, delectable, delightful, delish, distinctive, divine, enjoyable, enticing, exquisite, fit for king, good, gratifying, heavenly, luscious, lush, mellow, mouthwatering, nectarous, nice, palatable, piquant, pleasant, rare, rich, sapid, savory, scrumptious, spicy, sweet, tasteful, tasty, tempting, titillating, toothsome, well-prepared, well-seasoned, yummy*

They should also include a picture of this product.

I'll have two steaks, and the ladies will each have a very sensual salad with a very low-fat sensual dressing - Zap Brannigan

In the last month I have done an epic backwords slide down the greasy hill of fitness & weight loss.
The awesome combination of zero exercise, massive hormone upheaval, basically not really giving a shit and stress have resulted in me gaining 2.8 kilos. Yep 2 point bloody 8 kilos. I am pretty much right back to the starting blocks again. This is pretty depressing & well annoying.
Dammit. BUT what can ya do? Just pick myself up, wipe the dust bunnies off my New Balances, fish out the NASA engineered sports bra and start again.
This week I have returned to the gym. Holy snappin' duck fish! My fitness level is horrendeous!!!
I can't even jog for 30 seconds without nearly blowing chunks all over Eddie Maguires face on my treadmill telly. Yesterday I really thought I was going to cry because I was so sad that I have slipped right back again. Stupid friggin metabolism.
It's not fair that I have to sweat (gross) in order to lose weight and yet other people just have to get a wee bit stressed and 20 kilos fall off them.
OMG My legs are killing me at work today. My poor quads are yelling at me.
Did I also mention that my portion sizes have increased to rival the sizes on Man Vs Food?
I just feel SOOOOO hungry. I'm drinking lots of water.

Oh and also just to top off my crap results I have gained 2cm on my already heaving mega boobies, 4 cm on my waist (read big gut) 1 cm on my non-child bearing hips and 1 cm on each thunder thigh.
Well what can ya do?
Start again.
"Eyes on the Prize Violet. Eyes on the Prize".

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

The Future.

Hi everybody. I guess you've all been wondering where I've been.
I'm so sorry to have just abruptly stopped blogging but I've been a bit... well distracted.
I know it was very very unfair of me to leave you all up in the air like I did.
I'll make my explanation brief......
Two weeks after my embryo implant we received the news that my HCG levels were 700! Which is unreal. Two days later I had another blood test which showed my levels at 1320! Perfect score.
TBF & I decided this time to keep our big mouths shut and not tell anybody except for our close family. This is the reason I haven't blogged. what was I going to write about???
Needless to say this whole round of 12wbt has been non-existent as the docs had instructed me that I was to have rest rest & more rest.
TBF & I had a noice romatic weekend away at Twin Waters to celebrate.
As the next 2 weeks continued I felt very very tired, super duper bloaty and had massive diarrhea (I know you really wanted to know that). I was concerned that I wasn't feeling really nauseous & my boobies weren't hurting. But I felt very very confident about the pregnancy. I kept thinking "if something was wrong surely I would feel really sick or something?"
Yesterday was Week 7 of my pregnancy & I was straining at the bit with nervousness about my scan that I was to have on Thursday.  I woke up feeling really really good.
However, around 10am I got this massive cramping pain which progressively got worse & worse over the next half an hour.  I then started bleeding very heavily.  Frantically I rang my Obstetrian who told me to come straight in.
TBF met me at the clinic and I had a scan which confirmed our worst fears.
I was miscarrying.
Needless to say TBF & I were devastated. I was given Panadene Forte and sent home to rest.
We are sad, angry but mostly confused. Confused why the 'Universe' has decided that we aren't destined to have children. I just do not understand.
I'm by no means a religious person but I do believe in destiny and that things happen for a reason.
I have NO idea what the reason for this is or what life lesson I am meant to learn from this experience.
Today I am home in bed resting up. The cramping isn't so bad today but I do feel a bit ill.
I bleached my hair today, I guess as my way of feeling like everything is back to NORMAL.
I am not one to wallow in self pity.
I understand that SHIT HAPPENS.
You've just got to allow yourself to grieve. To feel the sadness and frustration.
But then you've just got to LET IT GO AND MOVE ON.
Next week I will throw myself back into the 12wbt and start moving toward my new mysterious future.