The Future.

Hi everybody. I guess you've all been wondering where I've been.
I'm so sorry to have just abruptly stopped blogging but I've been a bit... well distracted.
I know it was very very unfair of me to leave you all up in the air like I did.
I'll make my explanation brief......
Two weeks after my embryo implant we received the news that my HCG levels were 700! Which is unreal. Two days later I had another blood test which showed my levels at 1320! Perfect score.
HOLY SHIT I WAS PREGNANT!
TBF & I decided this time to keep our big mouths shut and not tell anybody except for our close family. This is the reason I haven't blogged. what was I going to write about???
Needless to say this whole round of 12wbt has been non-existent as the docs had instructed me that I was to have rest rest & more rest.
TBF & I had a noice romatic weekend away at Twin Waters to celebrate.
As the next 2 weeks continued I felt very very tired, super duper bloaty and had massive diarrhea (I know you really wanted to know that). I was concerned that I wasn't feeling really nauseous & my boobies weren't hurting. But I felt very very confident about the pregnancy. I kept thinking "if something was wrong surely I would feel really sick or something?"
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Yesterday was Week 7 of my pregnancy & I was straining at the bit with nervousness about my scan that I was to have on Thursday.  I woke up feeling really really good.
However, around 10am I got this massive cramping pain which progressively got worse & worse over the next half an hour.  I then started bleeding very heavily.  Frantically I rang my Obstetrian who told me to come straight in.
TBF met me at the clinic and I had a scan which confirmed our worst fears.
I was miscarrying.
Needless to say TBF & I were devastated. I was given Panadene Forte and sent home to rest.
We are sad, angry but mostly confused. Confused why the 'Universe' has decided that we aren't destined to have children. I just do not understand.
I'm by no means a religious person but I do believe in destiny and that things happen for a reason.
I have NO idea what the reason for this is or what life lesson I am meant to learn from this experience.
Today I am home in bed resting up. The cramping isn't so bad today but I do feel a bit ill.
I bleached my hair today, I guess as my way of feeling like everything is back to NORMAL.
I am not one to wallow in self pity.
I understand that SHIT HAPPENS.
You've just got to allow yourself to grieve. To feel the sadness and frustration.
But then you've just got to LET IT GO AND MOVE ON.
Next week I will throw myself back into the 12wbt and start moving toward my new mysterious future.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxo