Tuesday, April 18, 2017

I'm no Hero. I put my Bra on one boob at a time like everyone else - Tina Belcher.

I've been a member of Weight Watchers now for 500 years.

Ok maybe not that long.

I first joined the DubbaEwes when I was 20 and I lost about 30 kilos.

Since then I have joined & quit & joined & quit & joined & quit etc etc etc.

The program is great.  It is all about eating healthy, exercising and taking care of yourself.

I decided to REREREREREjoin again last year.

"Come ORN Vickster you know it works" I wailed to the voices in my head "You need to get your shit together woman!"

The weekly meeting I go to is freaking great. I sit with a bunch of gals who are a bloody hoot and we have dubbed ourselves The Naughty Corner.  These woman are of all ages from I would say early thirties to their nineties  and I look forward to having a natter with them each week.


I just can't seem to get my shit together.

I track for about 4 days and then I seriously just can't be arsed.  It's all too hard.  I'm over it.
Why can't I just eat stuff and not gain weight?

Now, people you must understand I am not hitting the queues at KFC for their 35 piece bucket meal with a tub of potato and gravy or eating Maccas upsized meals.  I reckon I eat pretty healthy.  I'm all about CLEAN eating and not scoffing my gob with blocks of chockie. (ok confession time. I DID eat one of those Magnum Red Velvet ice creams this week.... sweet Mary mother of ................ anyway where was I? )

I mean you just have to LOOK at my HUGE Pinterest food board to see that I OBVIOUSLY eat like a saint.  Seriously, if pinning links to Keto, Paleo, Syndrome X and I Quit Sugar pages burned calories I would be a size 8!

And just LOOK in my kitchen cupboard where you will find 5000 cook books from almost every diet that has ever been invented. 12wbt. WW. Symply 2 Good. I Quit Sugar. CSIRO.  I got 'em all. (except for anything with that Pete Evans fella on the cover... he creeps me out)

I'm the same with exercise. Oh I'll hit that gym EVERY SINGLE DAY ...... for about 2 weeks and then the ole. Fuck this mentality kicks in.

I'd rather be home sewing.
I'd rather be home surfing pinterest
I'd rather be surfing reddit for new videos of pandas attacking people (those crazy pandas LOL)


"Why don't you just quit WW and eat whatever the fuck you want?!" I hear you screech.

Because, I like going to the meetings and seeing the ladies.  I love the recipes on the website.
I love stalking people on their Connect page. It makes me feel like I'm trying SOMETHING... even if it is half.... ok 1/4 arsed.

As I was sitting in my bed covered up in my minky blankey (ooooooooooo Autumn is here!), sipping on a cup of herbal Rooibis choc vanilla tea (zero points) and scrolling through the WW version of Instaham I got sad.  There seems to be a metric shit tonne of people who are fucking NAILING IT.
They stick to the program.  They do it.  They don't whinge and whine . People who have lost so much weight and are feeling super rad.

One one hand I tell myself "Vicki, you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You are doing ok. Sure you're a boomba now and you have under boob chaffing for the first time in your life BUT you are alive and giving it a good solid go.................. for half of the week. Cut yourself some slack woman. There are people out there who are doing it REAL tough".

So, if anyone out there has the miracle cream for CBA syndrome (Can't Be Arsed) or a bottle of Shut the Fuck up and Just Do It I'd like to place an order.

SIDE NOTE:  Yes I know I should just accept myself for who I am, I should love my skin tags and pasty stomach fat...... This is not about that.  We all know that I am fucking amazing... just ask me (she says tongue firmly planted in cheek)... This is about HEALTH.
I have too much of that nasty visceral fat. That is the shit that will give you the diabetes and a force your organs to work too hard and I am ALL about not working too hard.

And I really need to start pinning more Adele quotes..................

She's my new super hero.


Sunday, April 9, 2017

I am a Lady. I press Flowers and stroke Kittens and Swim in Rivers wearing Dresses and Hats and shit - Emily Howard

Because I am a lady and I do lady things, there's nothing I like more than gathering a bunch of ladies together to do lady things as a lady group.

Actually, it more like I really like whacking on a frock with a flower and some red lippy, eating a shit load of calorie laden food and talking about all the important topics with gals. 
(like who would you rather give you a foot massage Tom Hardy or Jason Momoa)

I decided that because life is too short not to eat all the cake that I should have a ladies luncheon.

Life for me has been a wee bit ..... well..... black dogish lately  and I desperately needed a big hit of estrogen pheromone combined with loads of hugs, cheek kisses and filthy filthy smut talk.

The Paddington Deli came highly recommended by the tres chic Mz Billie and Mrs Kelisha and those dames know their shit....so I locked it in.  

Where do I start?

Firstly, I HAD to sew myself a new frock to wear of course.  
I chose Butterick B5951 in a noice brown & cream florally cotton.  It was a real mongrel to sew the weird high gathered neckline and I threw it into the corner a couple of times in frustration and called it some very unladylike names. 
I finally finished it and it turned out pretty good in the end. Winning.

On to the luncheon..................

From the moment we all arrived, Annie the owner/manager could NOT do enough for our rambunctious group of dames and I think some of the other diners were wondering who the heck this bunch of dolled up dolls were.


We were taking advantage of their lunch special which was $25 for a set menu of either entree & main or main & dessert WITH a glass of wine.

I had the herb/garlic bread for entree and the eggs Benedict with smoked salmon for main.  Luckily for me Mrs Simone is on a diet and I was donated her dessert of lemon meringue (MY FAV).

The food was AMAZING and for my friends with funky guts they had a great range of gluten free.
So fresh and tasty and the sizes were huge. TWENTY FIVE BUCKS!!!

We hardly had to wait at all for the food and drinks and the tables were constantly cleared so we didn't knock over the glassware while gesticulating wildly while describing our latest news events.
The beautiful young lasses who work there were just so friendly and professional.

The restaurant itself is so lovely with lots of brickwork, chandeliers and fabulous artwork. .... 
AND it's right next door to the Paddington Antique Centre.
How convenient !!!!

After gorging ourselves silly most of us then went next door to the Antique Centre for a quick *cough* "look". It has been a few years since I've been and I must admit I didn't see too much of interest to me. A lot of  ye ole antique things but not much mid century and alas, no squeekie toys.  (The exception being the gorgeous Mrs Anna's store Mrs Duchess Vintage.... 
I want ALL THE HATS).  

I naturally was drawn to The Button Shop which sells a lot of ........... well.... buttons.  
Even though I wanted to buy everything I ended up only buying 3 belt buckles. I was surprisingly restrained.  Oh I could have spends thousands on glorious marcasite brooches too. Sigh.

Everyone had a lovely time of it catching up and having a laugh.  

I think there is a few of us who really needed a relaxing lunch with other chicks that we can relax and cack ourselves with and not to mention we all LURVE an excuse to pull a fabulous frock out of the cupboard and get tarted up to go out for some good company.

I am very very blessed to know a stack of incredible, talented caring wonderful ladies who support each other.  They make my heart all warm and gooey like a Cadbury cream egg left on the dash of your car.

I am still smiling like a Rottnest Island Quokka taking a selfie.