Monday, April 29, 2013

Tumble out of bed and Stumble to the Kitchen

1 cup of skim or Oat milk
1 scoop of Body Choc Protein powder
couple of bits of Kale
1 x FROZEN banana (must be frozen or it doesn't go all thick-shakey)
1/2 cup frozen Organic Blueberries
5 ProPoints

This smoothie is super duper yummo and is sick rad good for ya gutz.
Tastes almost like a Maccas chocolate thickshake.

STEP 3. Suss out the latest copy of WW mag.

Wonder if I should have Salmon this week or Quorn (what the heck IS Quorn anyway?)

Visualise myself winning the Healthy Life Awards and make mental note to start planning awards ceremony outfit immediately.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque


On Friday I had some serious shitt going on with my top right gums. They were really swollen & red and bleeding when I brushed. Also a bit achey.
I was pretty sure they were infected. I was praying Oh lawd jeebus please don't let me have to go to the dentist. Ain't nobody got time for dat!!
So I swooshed bicarb & water in my mouth and prayed for it to heal but it didn' got worse.
The needles, the awful zingy drilly things, the pointy sharp jabby things & worst of all the painful tearing open of the purse thing. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I've only ever been to one good dentist and that was about 10 years ago. She was a children's dentist on the gold coast who specialised also in people who are scared of dentists. She was great. She would speak in really calming tones
"Now Vicki. How arrrrrre youuuuu? Everything's going to be Ohhhhhh kayyyyyyy." She was put her hand on my shoulder when I started hyperventilating & quietly go "Shhhhhhh vicki it's Ohhhhhh kayyyyyyyy it's ohhhhhhh kayyyyyyy".
"mmbmbubjmbmbmbuuuyooooo " I would quietly sob in response.
Before her I went to this crazyarrse asian dentist who ripped my wisdom tooth out while using my chair as leverage. When I started screaming he got all up in my face and yelled "Shaaarrrrup yaaaaaa yelling".

Finally the toothey achiness and general mangyness of my mouth was too much to take & I went to the dentist. I tried to take my mind off it by reading 100 issues of Vogue magazine and imagining myself swanning around Kippa-Ring foodcourt in the latest Prada designs but to no avail. Finally I was called. I sat in the chair (with the surprisingly comfortable neck rest) and averted my eyes from all the metal shiny stabby things on the tray in front of me.
The Denist, Eric placed a calming meaty hand on my shoulder (why do all dentists have giant hands?)  and said "let's have a look now shall we".  I was fully expecting him to gasp and scream "Good God!" and recoil in horror at the hideous pustulas that were having a party on my yucky gums. Instead he hummed and muttered some weird latin language to his pretty little nurse "Hmmmm yes yes side absit omen is sitting in unison with the elevated beati possidentes. Hmmmmm number two cetera desunt is posterior. Hmmm."
Then he took out that pointy thing that looks like something in the movie Hostel and jabbed it in my gum. "hmmmm Have you had an ear infection lately?" "Hmmmmubublolbyesss" I replied. (translation: Yes Doctor I had a virus that gave me super bad vertigo about a fortnight ago).
"Yes that's it. The virus has now gone down into your sinus & gums. Your gums are infected with cold sores". Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww gerrrrrrrrrr osssssssssss.
So I have to swish this antibacterial stuff and take megaloads of Vitamin C. Antibiotics won't fix it because it isn't an infection.
Thank friggin gawd I didn't have to have any dental work done. In fact he told me that my teeth are in perfect nick!
However, as of yesterday the virus has now spread to my throat and it feels like someone has stuck a Barmix stick blender down my throat and turned it on. I feel like total shite.
I just got to eat healthy, drink lots of water and let nature take it's course. ... stupid nature.
So, I missed going to the Rockabilly Rage on Friday night because my face felt like someone had walloped me with a sock full of marbles... spewin. I was so looking forward to frocking up & seeing my peeps.
I awoke on Saturday morning not feeling too bad though. Frickin brilliant I thought "That mouth wash is the shiznit and has fully blasted my moonky mouth!" So TBF & I did Parkrun at Sandgate.
I did it with the mindset that I really didn't give a shit about my time and to just do my best.
I surprised myself and managed to jog (do the Cliffy Young shuffle) for about 3/4 of it.
My time was 44 minutes and 31 secs. HOLY CRAP A PERSONAL BEST! I think the cooler weather definately played a part.  It still took about 4 hours for the redness to leave my face.
Around 3pm my body decided to repay me by increasing the pain to my face and incorporating some extra special excessive pain around my lower back & quads too. RAD..... NOT.

I'll be fine though. I sound all sexy & husky... ok maybe not SEXY and husky... I sound more like a 80 year old drag queen who has smoked Camel unfiltereds their whole life.
Pass the OJ.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

It's kinda like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.- Garth Algar

Well what a shit of a week it has been in the land of Mz V.

Last Thursday night I was totally expecting to have a gain on the scales due to my overinflated reproductive organs which obviously turn into steel every month....  "well strap my face to the side of a pig and roll me in the mud" if I didn't put on 2 KILOS! When I told the room of my gain there was a rather humourous (yet kind of horrifying) collective GASP from the crowd. I am sure I heard murmering "2 kilos! For shame" "That poor girl" "let's run her out of town" "I'll get the pickforks & torches".
Lawd only knows what the heck happens down there in Flo-Town every 26 days but today I did a berry-berry sneaky weigh in and it seems I have lost the mystery 2kg AND another 1kg to boot.
Then our car gearbox shit itself so now I am driving the in-laws Prado around. Thank goodness they were able to lend me their car but I am super paranoid driving the big McCaffertys bus of a thing. I'm freaking out that some little P-Plater chick in a Mazda with tinkerbell seat covers is going to run into me. So on the weekend we went up to Oakey & got my Dad's car. He is now in a home so he doesn't need it. The only problem:  It is a manual and I only have an auto licence and I haven't a clue how to drive a manual. So now the race is on to teach me to drive. We started yesterday arvo and I did quite well.  Turns out I'm a natural and TBF was very gentle instructing me how to handle his gear stick.
heheheheh sorry I couldn't help myself. TBF will teach me some more this weekend & then I will have one or two lesson with a driving school & then I should be right to have my driving test.
It's been a very stressful week here at The House of the Screaming Radish where I work. The Service Manager is away on holidays & so I am doing my job & his. This is not a problem as I am Super Secretary and can file, answer the phones, paint my nails, balance the cheque book, surf the net, update my facebook status, type up job sheets & post pics of my sandwiches on Instagram all at once. boss doesn't cope with stress very well.... at all... that is all I am going to say.
Then yesterday the accountant came in to do the BAS. That was very stressful too.
I have combated my feelings of stress and anxiety in a bad way. Handfuls of Allens Joobie lollies from the work lollie jar, one Mars Bar (NEW HONEYCOMB FLAVOUR!) , 1 x Milky Bar 50g, and 10 Scotch Finger Bickies. I am CRAVING sugar like you wouldn't believe. *sighs loudly*
And I also haven't done any exercise.. AGAIN.
I'm looking forward to getting the exercise bike!
In some positive news, my boss announced to me last week "You're looking good Vicki. You can really tell that you are losing weight!" I quickly checked to make sure that I hadn't suddenly sprouted $50 notes on my body. "Ummm thanks?" I replied trying very hard to stop my right eyebrow raising in a skeptical arch.  That's my first weightloss compliment I've gotten so shit, I'm taking it!
Then on Sunday we took my Dad out to The Meringandan Pub for lunch. I had the lamb shanks with veges. OMG it was so good. It was a lovely day. Now, before I continue I WILL point out that my Dad has dementia & is in a nursing home. Poor bugger. He's only 63. He doesn't have super duper bad alzhieimers or dementia yet but what he does is mixes up his words. He knows that a cup is a cup but if I ask what it is he might say "Yeah 3 o'clock".
A sure sign of dementia: Dad's new found love of Celtic Thunder.
So sad.
So ANYWAYs we are sitting there enjoying the sun when Dad suddenly says "You're thinner!".
I took this as a massive compliment as Dad isn't really one (even before dementia) to hand out compliments but he has always been one to dish out 100% honesty. (sometimes not in a good way).
Last time we went out he announced to TBF "You're not even fat anymore!"
So Dad saying that I looked thinner made me quite chuffed.
At that moment a very large chicken walked past our table. Dad looks at it & exclaims
"Look at the size of that dog!"
Have a great weekend everybody. My boss has decided to give us Friday off as well as Anzac Day.
Wooohoooo! I will be spending my weekend picking up the exercise bike, riding the bike, going to a Rockabilly Gig on Friday night, seeing Bendigo Bank to hopefully sort out our completely shitful financial situation, sewing a new skirt and learning how to drive a manual so I can start doin'
fish-tails & mainies down Anzac Avenue on the weekends. fully sick bro.
Be safe everybody.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

There ain't no party like my Nanna's tea party. Hey! Ho! - Flight of the Conchords

When the weather gets colder my first thought is "Hooray! Soup Time!"
(actually this is a lie. My first thought is "Hooray! Time to get out my Pendleton 49er jackets again!"
I am a big fan of home-made soups and I lurve trying new soup recipes. Most of my soups turn out very nice but gee-whiz I've had some horrors.
I recall the Brocolli Soup disaster of 2012 where I had to chuck out about 7 days worth because after only ONE serving even I couldn't bear to be in the same room as myself & my exploding toxic bowels. TBF almost divorced me.
A similar situation in 2011 with a lovely garlic & cauliflower number. I was expecting a phone call from a Kim Jong-Un to use me as a part of his biological warfare division.

Oh I've had some success as well. I do a crackin' Vietnamese Beef Noodle and a delicious Thai Pumpkin and my Chicken and Macaroni is lovely and a favourite of TBF.
This week I decided to try the WW Pumpkin & Red Capsicum AND the WW Thai Ginger Carrot Soup. I must admit I was deeply suspicious of using silken tofu in a soup unless it is Miso.
Now, I would like to point out that there is NO problem with these recipes.
The problem is... well.... me. I go all Jamie Oliver on that shit.
Literally I just start adding stuff literally and literally overestimating portions of ingrediants.
Literally not pukka.
Instead of only using a wee bit of capsicum for a hint of zazz I used a full capsicum the size of a small watermelon and so the taste of capsicum has now completely overridden the yummy pumpkin taste & it is now bloody horrible. With the carrot soup I used WAY too much fresh ginger & so now it is SO bitter & tangy it makes your face squish up like a dog eating lettuce. Also I thought (foolishly) 185g of tofu won't be enough so I chucked in the whole 300g and so, even with extensive blending it went all freaky mooshy and looks like something my cat might vomit up.
And so my search for yummy low point soups continues.
In other WW news I have ONE AGAIN been completely friggin useless when it comes to exercise this week.  Yesterday I had every intention of getting home & immediately chucking on my joggers & going out for a jog.... as soon as I walked in and TBF looked up at me with those big blue peepers I just wanted to stay home. This is not completely true.  Basically, I sat on the bed, took off my work shoes and my bra and well, that was that. The "girls" got comfy after being released and I didn't want to restrain them again for the day. So so slack.
This avo I have instucted TBF NOT to make eye contact with me and I WILL be getting home, quickly getting changed and heading out the door. Shadup I will.
I'm not sure how my weigh-in is going to go this week as it is now TTOM and I traditionally gain about 500g. Why does this happen? Do my ovaries suddenly swell up like an overstuffed sausage on a barbeque? My tummy is all sticky-outy. Nice.
I'm drinking lots of water to help flush the fat out of  my guts though.
What is YOUR favourite home-made soup?

Sunday, April 14, 2013

I never panic when I get Lost. I just change where it is I want to go - Rita Rudner

Well what a bugger. Thanks very much Mother Nature you cow! Thanks to you & your bloody incessent rain the Colour Run was cancelled. Poo Bum Poop. The fam was totes devo'd.
We were spewin' because TBF & I drove all the way to Helensvale on Saturday in the pouring rain on the M1 with all the looney P-Plater drivers, Nissan Skyline hoons & kamakazi truckies to pick up the Colour Run gear.
Oh well it is happening in June instead so not all is lost & will get to fulfill my fantasy of pegging bags of coloured dye at strangers and small children.
So anyways, after picking up our Colour Run packs we looked at eachother and reading eachothers thoughts, hi-fived and squealed "Sushi Train Helensvale!!!" This Sushi train has the most fresh delicious sushi. So so yum.
It was also cold & rainy and so the thought of a noice spicy udon soup had me drooling onto my chin.
Alas, I found my udon soup to be WAY too oily (maybe my tastebuds are changing) so I couldn't eat it.
"SQUEAL! " squealed TBF " More for me! "as he quickly grabbed my bowl.
So I stuck to yummy yummy sushi.
By the time we got home from faffing around and driving all over the country side like the Leyland Brothers it was late. We had a quick stop into the Kustom Krafts Retro Markets at Sandgate for a squizz but we didn't stay for long because I was ty-ty (read: cranky pants starting) and our car had started making some weird noises. I made a quick professional mechanical diagnosis by stating "Sounds like it's rooted."
On the drive back the car was REALLY starting to concern us with it's grindy noises and it's stubberness of not really wanting to go into second gear. So the last couple of kays home were peppered with the sounds of TBF growling "C'morrn you bastard. Don't turn red don't turn red.. don't... awww fark!"

Home at dark to one very annoyed ginger cat I whipped up a WW recipe of Lamb RoganJosh (yum and jeez I LOVE onepot wonder recipes). TBF settled in to take out his frustrations by yelling at the AFL footy while I propped myself up in the bed with a noice cuppa and watched my new favourite TV show "Black Mirror".
Sunday - Due to CR being cancelled we got to have a sleep in (sigh bliss) before heading over to the in-laws for a family day. It was a lovely relaxing day and bless my in-laws we had a super healthy lunch of bbq prawns & salad. Later in the arvo I was getting antsy so I went for a delightful stroll around the neighbourhood for about 20 minutes just to stretch my legs. Once again we didn't get home til dark & I just could not be ARSED cooking dinner so we had smoked salmon with lite philly cheese on wholemeal muffins for dinner.
The only exercise I have done since Wednesday is the 20 minute walk on Sunday arvo and that was just a slow stroll in me haviana thongs as I admired the lovely homes in Shorncliffe (admired = peeked like a dirty perve into their yards & homes to see what cool stuff they had while day dreaming about what it must be like to live in a landscaped fully restored queenslander on the water that looks like something off Grand Designs).

All-in all I ate very well on the weekend except for one (two or three) things.


Oh yes they are ONLY 2PP each. So on Friday night what did I do??
I heated TWO up in a bowl and then tipped a Skinny Cow icecream over them.
6PP... ok maybe 7PP.
I had the same on Saturday night.
These brownies are delicious. If you are like me and start twitching & convulsing slightly at the mere sight of chocolate avoid these as you will eat the whole box in one sitting.
So now this morning the vintage Nissan 4WD simply will not go into reverse at all so TBF had to give a ride into work and I will have to catch *GULP* public transport to get home. EEek. Pass the Glen-20 and antibacterial hand gel.
In my favour, it IS about a half hour walk from work to the train station so at least I will get SOME sort of exercise in today.
I hope that it is not an expensive process to fix the car. sigh. And NO I can't ride my deadly treadly to work as it would take me about 5 hours to ride into the city and I couldn't bring myself to wear those hideous bum-paddy pants.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

It's a somber occasion and all of my tops are too joyful.- Cam (Modern Family)

And the winner for most outstanding and frankly most surprising weightloss of the week goes to.....
MZ VICKI with her outrageous loss of 1.8kg.
Thank you thank you thank you. I wish to thank my weight watchers app for always being by my side, the ww website for providing me with shitloads of super yummy recipes, my regular bowel movements for helping me feel lighter, my husband for not sharing his packet of M&Ms with me even though I looked at him with my big blue eyes & fluttered my eyelashes in a completely adorable manner and most of all I'd like to thank ME for getting off my lazy arse & actually doing some exercise this week.
Last night at my WW meeting we learnt about STRESS. This is a
subject that I have a degree in. I think that part my weighloss this week can also be attributed to my LETTING IT GO attitude or the I DON'T GIVE A SHIT attitude as it is also known.
My meds are definately helping keep my brain noice and mellow which is great.
I'm trying not to let stuff get to me. Although last night my spider senses started tingling a bit.
I am what is commonly known as The Class Clown. I act like a bit of a dickhead. I try to be peppy, upbeat and more than a bit cheeky with a tinge of naughty Benny Hillesque humour. I have a feeling that my pep is being interpreted as being obnoxious and a bit of a show-off.
I think I might have to tone down my poo jokes and raising my hand all the time "Toni Toni Oo Ooo pick me Toni pick me!" and bite my tounge a bit. I don't do it to be all like "Everybody look at me aren't I fucking hilarious". I just can't help it. I like to try & make people laugh & smile if I can.
I think some people are started to find me irritating. sigh.
This weekend I am doing The Colour Run with my family on the Gold Coast. There are 11 of us doing it (4 are under the age of 10). I cannot wait. If you don't know what it is go to the website & check it out.
It looks like stacks of fun.  I've always wanted to be in a full on food fight so being pelted with bags of coloured corn starch is one step closer to this.

Have a super rad weekend everyone & stay safe!

Monday, April 8, 2013

What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Right. I have pulled my peroxide blonde head out of my large arse & am now viewing my world through clear slightly red-rimmed eyes. Sure my sinuses (or is it sinusi) is making my head feel like Ronda Rousey has belted me a few times, but I am combating this with shitloads of Sudafed & Moccona Dark Roast.
I had many responses to my last blog post on Flakebook & on the WW pages and in the words of Adam Hills "I'm being a Dick".
So I've decided to go all New Age Hippy Like Totally Cosmic 'n' Shit & have decided that
In the words of Keanu Reeves "Whoa".
Stuff it.
One of my very wise (and probably slightly inebriated) friends commented that I should "Get out the calander and schedule baby.". So gawd-dammit that's what I've done.'

It turns out that I have heaps coming up to fill my time.

This Sunday my family & I are doing the Colour Run on the Gold Coast (our name is The Dye Hards) CANNOT WAIT!
26/04/13 - Rockabilly Rage gig
04/05/13 & 05/05/13 - Garterbelts & Gasoline festival
01/06/13 - Rusty Pinto gig
Sometime in June - take our nieces to Dreamworld
03/08/13 & 04/08/13 - Greazefest Rockabilly weekender
10/08/13 - Rockabilly Riot ie Wayne Hancock gig
25/08/13 - either The Gympie Muster or The Fifties Fair
09/11/13 - My Mummy's 60th
16//11/13 - My super rad cousin's wedding.

Inbetween these things I will organise meet ups with friends more often, go to the movies, visit my Dad, spend more time with my family, relaxi, garden, yes Maria I might even try & climb up a mountain (ok probably just a small hill... ok probably the steps up to the cinemas), I will learn to sew more things and I will make more of an effort to SOCIALISE. Get out of the house & DO things. Challenge myself and do something like totally out there man.
Read more books. Have people over for dinner or a barbie.

So I HAVE got stacks to look forward to. I do have one very very serious concern about these upcoming events though.
Yesterday I was on my walk when I met up with one of the lovely ladies who was doing my sewing class with me. She is adamant that I should be working in some sort of promotions or something.
She reckons that I am 'dynamic'. hahahahha I'm not sure about that.
One of the grouse gals at my WW meeting also thinks that I've got 'something'.
It's hard to know what path you should go down when you don't know where you want to go.
So that's why I'm just going to bum along & hope that the big cheese in the sky one day points his or her or it's finger down at me and announces


So like totally peace out dudes I'm like totally calm and at one with the cosmos and am like totally ready to be taken on like my journey.

PS: If anyone has any suggestions of things that are on or coming up that are low cost or just rad things that I can do please let me know.

PPS:  The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, 'Can you make me one with everything?'

Sunday, April 7, 2013

When asked, "How do you write?" I invariably answer, "one word at a time." - Stephen King

I haven't blogged in a while. To be honest I've had bugger-all to blog about.
I've been about as exciting as a brown rock on a beige rug.
I went to the doctor & he put me on some stronger drugs and so now my brain and mood is improving.... however, when it comes to writing I just feel MEH.
What the hell can I say?
"Guess what?! I had Burgen Wholemeal & Seeds toast for breakfast. I posted a pic on Instagram!"

You know what I need?
I need a freaking PROJECT.
I need some bloody excitement.
It's funny. On one hand I just want to stay at home & not venture out into that freaky freaky world but on the other hand I miss doing...... stuff &  seeing people.
I love my sexy homemade tarzan boxer shorts & ratty T-shirt but I also miss wacking on the slap & getting frocked up.
Last year was filled with shitload of stuff. IVF and my fundraiser.
I think I feel much more inspired when I have a GOAL. I need to keep my brain busy.
I am feeling compelled to do SOMETHING... ANYTHING!!
I am loving go to my weekly WW meeting and chatting with everyone & basically being a cheeky smart-arse.
Social interaction Vicki!!
Social interaction with like-minded kittens like me.
Social interaction with POSITIVE HAPPY (slightly unhinged) peeps like me.
I saw pics of Flakebook today of a group of incredible 12wbt gals who did a mini-triathalon on the weekend. They looked like they were having a ball. Maybe that is what I am looking for.
Maybe I'm over thinking things and all I need is a good bowel movement & I'll feel better.

Yes I know that getting fit & losing weight is a goal and I'm doing my best.
I need to step out of my comfort zone and do something WACKY. Something CRAZY.

I was going to go to the Love Vintage Fair on the weekend but I am just SO bloody povo at the moment that the thought of 'just looking' at all that wonderous vintage stock I think would have made me sad. Now I see the photos of everyone on Facebook I think "shit Vicki you ninny you bloody SHOULD have gone." It would have been nice to get all frocked up and spend some time with my fellow vintage lovin' lasses. sigh.
I guess I'm feeling a bit lost at the moment. Like I'm just bobbing along like a dead fish down a sewer pipe.
I don't really have a goal. A focus.
Yes I KNOW the fitness & diet thing.
But something more.
A holiday?
Another fundraiser?

Something to head toward on the horizon.
My very own Min-Min light.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

23. Lawless (2012)

OK. Tom Hardy (swooon), Guy Pearce, Gary Oldman AND screen play by Nick Cave... Yep I was expectly alot. Yes I know it also stars Shia LaBeouf but he doesn' do much for me.
For most of this film Shia looks all pouty and like he is about to cry.
This is based on a true story about the Bondurant brothers who were moonshine runners in the 1930s.
I really really like this movie. Jeez Louise it is full-on violet so if you don't like blood I wouldn't watch this. The lovey dovey scenes gave me the irrits a bit and I didn't like the red-head sheila much I thought she wore way too much red lipstick for a 1930s depression era movie and I didn't think her hair was period accurate but I could be wrong.
Guys Pearce is awesome as the cruel & barbaric Special Deputy Charley Rakes. I wish there would been more of Gary Oldman but this was made up by the eye candy which is Tom Hardy as Forrest Bondurant. He rarely does anything more than grunt & beat the shit out of people but..... my my my.
Besides, me drooling over Mr Hardy & whincing at the brutal violence I really did like the film.
The soundtrack is great too with a stack of cool bluegrass like Ralph Stanley.
The story is really interesting.