Sunday, April 28, 2013

Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque


On Friday I had some serious shitt going on with my top right gums. They were really swollen & red and bleeding when I brushed. Also a bit achey.
I was pretty sure they were infected. I was praying Oh lawd jeebus please don't let me have to go to the dentist. Ain't nobody got time for dat!!
So I swooshed bicarb & water in my mouth and prayed for it to heal but it didn' got worse.
The needles, the awful zingy drilly things, the pointy sharp jabby things & worst of all the painful tearing open of the purse thing. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I've only ever been to one good dentist and that was about 10 years ago. She was a children's dentist on the gold coast who specialised also in people who are scared of dentists. She was great. She would speak in really calming tones
"Now Vicki. How arrrrrre youuuuu? Everything's going to be Ohhhhhh kayyyyyyy." She was put her hand on my shoulder when I started hyperventilating & quietly go "Shhhhhhh vicki it's Ohhhhhh kayyyyyyyy it's ohhhhhhh kayyyyyyy".
"mmbmbubjmbmbmbuuuyooooo " I would quietly sob in response.
Before her I went to this crazyarrse asian dentist who ripped my wisdom tooth out while using my chair as leverage. When I started screaming he got all up in my face and yelled "Shaaarrrrup yaaaaaa yelling".

Finally the toothey achiness and general mangyness of my mouth was too much to take & I went to the dentist. I tried to take my mind off it by reading 100 issues of Vogue magazine and imagining myself swanning around Kippa-Ring foodcourt in the latest Prada designs but to no avail. Finally I was called. I sat in the chair (with the surprisingly comfortable neck rest) and averted my eyes from all the metal shiny stabby things on the tray in front of me.
The Denist, Eric placed a calming meaty hand on my shoulder (why do all dentists have giant hands?)  and said "let's have a look now shall we".  I was fully expecting him to gasp and scream "Good God!" and recoil in horror at the hideous pustulas that were having a party on my yucky gums. Instead he hummed and muttered some weird latin language to his pretty little nurse "Hmmmm yes yes side absit omen is sitting in unison with the elevated beati possidentes. Hmmmmm number two cetera desunt is posterior. Hmmm."
Then he took out that pointy thing that looks like something in the movie Hostel and jabbed it in my gum. "hmmmm Have you had an ear infection lately?" "Hmmmmubublolbyesss" I replied. (translation: Yes Doctor I had a virus that gave me super bad vertigo about a fortnight ago).
"Yes that's it. The virus has now gone down into your sinus & gums. Your gums are infected with cold sores". Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww gerrrrrrrrrr osssssssssss.
So I have to swish this antibacterial stuff and take megaloads of Vitamin C. Antibiotics won't fix it because it isn't an infection.
Thank friggin gawd I didn't have to have any dental work done. In fact he told me that my teeth are in perfect nick!
However, as of yesterday the virus has now spread to my throat and it feels like someone has stuck a Barmix stick blender down my throat and turned it on. I feel like total shite.
I just got to eat healthy, drink lots of water and let nature take it's course. ... stupid nature.
So, I missed going to the Rockabilly Rage on Friday night because my face felt like someone had walloped me with a sock full of marbles... spewin. I was so looking forward to frocking up & seeing my peeps.
I awoke on Saturday morning not feeling too bad though. Frickin brilliant I thought "That mouth wash is the shiznit and has fully blasted my moonky mouth!" So TBF & I did Parkrun at Sandgate.
I did it with the mindset that I really didn't give a shit about my time and to just do my best.
I surprised myself and managed to jog (do the Cliffy Young shuffle) for about 3/4 of it.
My time was 44 minutes and 31 secs. HOLY CRAP A PERSONAL BEST! I think the cooler weather definately played a part.  It still took about 4 hours for the redness to leave my face.
Around 3pm my body decided to repay me by increasing the pain to my face and incorporating some extra special excessive pain around my lower back & quads too. RAD..... NOT.

I'll be fine though. I sound all sexy & husky... ok maybe not SEXY and husky... I sound more like a 80 year old drag queen who has smoked Camel unfiltereds their whole life.
Pass the OJ.

1 comment:

  1. Hehe.. glad you didn't need dental work done. I also go beetroot red after even a tiny run. Hate it :)