Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Stressed is Desserts Spelled Backwards - Coincidence? I think not.

I WASN'T GOING TO POST TODAY'S BLOG POST ON HERE.
BUT THEN I THOUGHT "FUG IT. IT'S MY BLOG & MY BLOG IS ALL ABOUT HONESTY AND BEING ME. AND THAT MEANS THE 'WHOLE' ME.
EVEN WHEN I'M NOT FEELING THE BEST.
=====================================================

Some of you might find this VERY had to believe but for most of the time I am actually not that funny. I know I know. Surely I can't be serious!
I have a weird brain. Most of the time it just sits there twiddling its invisible thumbs, yawning and then suddenly jumps up & exclaims "I just thought of something funny to write about! Quick Vicki to the computer!!"
Then I have days like yesterday when my brain says "Stuff this for a joke. I'm over it I'm shuttin it down for a while. If you can't treat me right I'm off.!" DOOR SLAMS.
I get very stressed. very easily. I'm freakin' sensitive ok. When I'm super stressed it's like a thousand radios in my mind all going at once and my thoughts overlap.
These are the things that are stressing me at the mo (in no particular order)

My Dad - he has dementia now and has recently been put into a nursing home. He is 63. He sounds really depressed. I wish I could see him more often & help him.
Work - I am so sick of working for someone else.
IVF - I don't know if we should do IVF again. After spending time with my neices & nephews I have gotten the urge again.
MONEY - That ole chestnut. I'm so sick of being a povo and being paranoid about where every bleedin' cent goes. Stoopid bills.
TIME - There never seems to be enough time to do things. Work, Sleep Eat.
BLOG - I put myself under alot of pressure to not only write my blog but I feel that it has to be 'funny' and entertaining. I suffer from writer's block a bit.
WEIGHT & EXERCISE - The constant thinking about what I should & shouldn't be eating. Planning next weeks's menu. The guilt of not doing enough exercise etc.

I feel like crap that I am even stressed about these things because there are people out there who have REAL trauma & stresses.

Yesterday on the way home from work I got the beginnings of a panic attack. I broke into a cold sweat & was very shakey. I had to get fuel though.
What else did I buy?
A MASSIVE MASSIVE MASSIVE pack of peanut M&Ms.
200g. 28pp !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ate them ALL on the way home. Just shovelling them into my mouth like a deranged starving looney. When I got home I broke down sobbing in TBF's arms, had a hot shower and went to bed. I couldn't eat dinner. I was asleep by 6.30pm and didn't wake until my alarm went off at 5.30 this morning.
Today I am feeling much better. Still a bit wonky and I think my brain has come home but is sleeping in the spare room.

I need to get my $hit together.
You see these movies where when people are losing it they just leave their jobs, sell their house & movie out to the country or to a seaside cottage where they write or paint freaking water colour paintings and HEAL.
Jeez I wish I could just take a month off and go stay at somewhere like The Golden Door health retreat and just eat natural foods, meditate, swim & sleep and have daily counselling sessions on stress control. Sigh.

Thanks for listening.


Saturday, March 23, 2013

22. Frankenweenie (2012)



Sigh. Tim Burton animation is always just SO good. I just love that in this day n age of CGI and computer animation that stop-motion still exists.
This movie is excellent. I loved that it is black and white and is such a great homage to old horror films. It's not REALLY a rollicking comedy but it does have some great laugh out loud parts.
As usual, it is the side characters that are the best.  The best, in my opinion is Weird Girl and her cat Mr Whiskas. I would just LOVE to have her as a doll. She's so awesomely creepy.
WEIRD GIRL & MR WHISKAS

I also loved Edgar E Gore the little creepy hunch-back kid.
Tim Burton has, once again, done a great job. I really liked how that even though the characters are stop-motion (the film took 3 years to make) they still look kind of hand drawn. Like sketches that have come to life.
If you loved "Nightmare Before Christmas" and "The Corpse Bride" you are sure to love this.
Tim Burton at his dark gothic comic best.
Note:  I probably wouldn't let little kids watch it as it IS a bit scary in parts.
4 STARS

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Let's just plop them in front of the TV. I was raised in front of the TV and I turned out TV.- Homer Simpson

BLOODY GAINED 800g.

Now I will admit this was not totally unexpected. Even though I have been a total princess when it comes to tracking & staying within my points, this past week I have done Sweet Fug All exercise.
ZERO ACTIVITY POINTS.
My excuses:
We got a new fridge. It was drizzley. My cat's lip swelled up so I had to stay home & pat him. I had to sew a dodgy sci-fi top. TBF looked at me with his big blue eyes and telepathetically told me to stay home & watch MASH with him. 
Who am I kidding? I was a big blonde lazy slobby McSlobervich.


But still..... I thought maybe I would stay the same weight. Jeez Louise.
I couldn't stay for the meeting last night which was a bummer but couldn't be helped (must have been a quiet meeting without my lewd comments).
Well, the true reason for my weight gain came a knockin this morning.

"Youuu Whoooooo! Hellooooo is anyone home?!! It's meeeeeee. Aunty Flo".  OH GREAT.
"Well helloooooo dear. I've bought our friends Uncle Excruiating Ovarian Pain & Cousin Great Ripping Cramps. You may have noticed that Brother Excessive Fluid Retention arrived yesterday. Don't mind us while we set about making your lower body scream and moan for a couple of days. Toodle Pip!"

I ALWAYS gain .5kg to a kilo at TTOM. Stoopid woman bits. Pass the mega pack of Naprogesics.
Mmmmmm my little blue wonder drugs.
SO..... My plan for this coming week is:
TRACK. STAY WITHIN MY POINTS. EXERCISE ON MONDAY, TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY, FRIDAY, SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. (Thursday is WW meeting night).
I WILL DO IT GAWD DAMMIT.
I WILL.
Shut up I will.
mumble mumble mumble
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Have a rip-snorta of a weekend everybody. My Mummsy is coming to stay so I can see us doing noice long walks along the waterfront & 100 litres of Mocconna coffee in my future & solving all the world's problems.
Mz Vicki




Wednesday, March 20, 2013

It's Life Jim, but not as we know it.

Tuesday night was the final sewing class of my 6 week block. I have LOVED IT. The next block starts in about a months & I'm chewin' at the bit to start. Next block I will learn how to make a blouse! Squeal!
I was surfing the net, as I am want to do, and I came across this picture:
 
ERMEGHERD! I thought PIECE OF PISS ! I CAN MAKE THAT!
TOO EASY KAMPEEZI!
 
So after a quick trip to Lincraft, last night I set about sewing up this fabulous creation.
I only got slightly cranky *cough*  because I think I chose the wrong sort of fabric. I went for the Cotton Suiting fabric because it doesn't require ironing and it doesn't wrinkle. It's also a frickin NIGHTMARE to sew. Slippery bloody shit. TBF was trying to relax and listen to his Henry Rollins radio show which me shouting random expletives "Farrrrrrrrrrrk. Just friggin stay.......... Bloody hell! Arrrrrrr Son of a..............."
4 hours later I had finished and I was ready to try on my incredible masterpiece.
OH MY LAWD ALMIGHTY BEAM ME UP SCOTTY.
It was perfect.
Except.
It was too big. Had no shape. Exposed side boob AND back fat and the shoulders put Tracey Grimshaw's shoulder pads to shame as they stuck out & up.
All in all I looked like a reject extra from an episode of Star Trek.
It took almost another hour for TBF & I to stop laughing.


 
 
 
I think I might just stick to ACTUAL patterns from now on.
EPIC SEWING FAIL.
 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Happy Birthday Nanny!

On Saturday TBF & I headed up the Toowoomba range to my Nanny's 80th birthday party lunch.
My Nanny is great. You would NEVER think she is 80! She's had a number of health issues over the last few years but she's still as sharp as a tack.  I think I take after her alot.. in that I'm very lucky as I have inherited her great skin and her sense of style.
Nanny on the left in the 1940s

For the 40 years I have known Nanny I have never known her to be without matching shoes, handbag, necklace & earrings. She would never DREAM of leaving the house without being 'dressed'. She's always worn minimal makeup but would never step outside without lippie & blush on.
Nanny has been known to hit a Lifeline store with $5 and come out with a complete outfit that looked like it come straight out of the latest issue of Marie Claire.
I'd never known Nanny to say a bad word about anyone and she certainly would never swear. That is until the day she shocked the family by announcing "I don't like that Karl Stephanovic. He's a dickhead!".
Nanny & Grandad off to a dance in the 1950s

It was such a lovely day & we got to catch up with all the family which was awesome.
Happy Birthday Nanny!
EIGHTY YEARS YOUNG
As part of a gift to Nanny everybody was asked to submit a fond memory of Nanny which was then put into a gorgeous coffee table book for her.

I decided to write a poem.


When I was but a wee little girl
My favourite time of all
Was having lunch at Nanny & Grandad’s
We’d always have a ball.

 The family would gather on a Sunday
The children would stay outside
But sometimes if I was really good
Nanny would pull me aside

 “If you have a look in the fridge” she’d say
“You’ll find some Violet Crumble”
So none of the other grandkids saw, she’d smuggle me one
“Fank yo Nanny” I’d mumble.

 I’d sit in front of her beautiful dresser
Admiring all her things
Her lovely little porcelain figures
Her jewellery, brushes & rings

 Always well groomed my Nanny
Her secret Oil of Ulay.
Handbag, shoes, earrings & slacks
Co-ordinated all the way.

 Every year on my birthday
I never wanted a cake
A nice big slice off Nanny’s lemon meringue
Was all that it would take.
 
I love my Nanny very much
She’s the true essence of a lady
She’s still so beautiful and lovely now
You’d never know she’s Eighty.
 
 

21. Little Voice (1998)



This is such a lovely movie with a fabulous cast. Michael Caine, Ewan Macgregor, Brenda Blethyn, Jim Broadbent & Jane Horrocks who play LV or Little Voice.  All the way through I was wondering if Jane Horrocks is actually singing or if she is lip-syncing. At the end credits tell you that it is actually her singing which makes this film even more impressive.
Brenda Blethyn  is, as usual, fantastic as LV's horrific loud mouth alcho abusive mother. Her character is funny-as hell but just awful.
Funny quotes include:  "Bangers and bubble and a fuck hot tea, ta. Twice."  "Listen. Then it's down to the harbor for a pronto snog. Oh, lip-lappin' like old hell. But at least he knows how to slide and dart and take a throat. And at least there's the thick wad of his wallet...Up against your tit for comfort."
And Michael Caine's character isn't that much better as the sleaze ball agent who wants to exploit LV.
I really enjoyed this movie. It's not a big expensive budget film but if you want a nice film to watch this a great. Fabulous soundtrack of Judy Garland, Shirley Bassey and Marilyn Monroe.
I would suggest to watch it with the subtitles on though because their pommy accents are very very thick.
3 STARS


Friday, March 15, 2013

20. Waiting for Superman (2010)



WOW.
If you are thinking "Gawd why would I want to watch a film about the public schooling system in American?!. Borrrrrringgggg" Think again.
JUST WOW.
I got dry mouth watching this doco because my mouth was constantly gapping in between exclaimations of " Bloody Hell!" "HOLY CRAP" and my sobbing.
SCARY SCARY STUFF.
It's funny how sometimes the most horrific movies are documentaries about REAL LIFE.
Personally I admire anyone who could be a teacher. I couldn't do it.
I would LOVE to hear the opinion of a teacher who has seen this film.
Thank God there are some people in America TRYING to change the system. A system which is... to put it bluntly... a total fuck-up.
I don't have any children so I have no experience with the schooling system here in Australia but even though I'm not a religious person I  friggin' PRAY it's not like the system in American.
HORRIFYING & COMPELLING.
I couldn't stop talking about it for an hour afterwards and even now when I think about it I feel like crying. Crying for the poor children & families who just want an education and to make a better life for themselves but because of 'the system' can't and crying for joy for the people who are slowly but surely forcing the change. True heroes. AMAZING.

EVERYONE MUST SEE THIS DOCUMENTARY.
5 STARS
 
YOUR THOUGHTS?

Thursday, March 14, 2013

I'm on this new diet. Well, I don't eat anything and when I feel like I'm about to faint I eat a cube of cheese. I'm just one stomach flu away from my goal weight. - Devil Wears Prada

LOST 1.8KG THIS WEEK!! THAT IS A TOTAL OF 1.3KG IN TWO WEEKS !!!
BOOYARRRRR !!! IN YOUR FACE FAT CELLS IN YOUR FACE !
 
So what did I do differently?
I tracked all my food. I fit in SOME exercise.. not alot but some. I drank heaps of water.
I also started taking Digestive Enzymes. Please note people that even though the label says "just add to water and drink" I would advice against this. You see the main ingredient is psyllium husk which expands like tyre foam filler as soon as it hits water. You've got to skull that stuff like a bogan skulling a can Woodstock. And it tastes bloody awful. I now add it to my breakfast smoothie.
What the heck is Digestive Enzymes? In laymens terms... it rips all the bad stuff from the lining of ya guts, sorts out your pancreatic juices and gets ya bowels flowing noicely.
Your welcome.
================================================
Last night's meeting was a cracker, as usual. The Amazing Toni got a few of us up to demonstrate Low, Moderate & High Intensity workouts and we spoke about getting more active.
I was excited because the latest issue of Weight Watchers mag came out and well, roll me in hundreds & thousands & call me pretty if our meeting's resident team leader  Kristen is in it!!
OMG we have a celebrity at our meeting!! Kristen is so cool and funny as a fit. She's the QLD Finalist for the Healthy Choice Awards for 2012. She's lost a shitload of weight is so inspirational.
Naturally I rushed over to her like a One Direction fan overdosed on Monster energy drink and made her get her photo taken with me. SQUEALS!!!!

SHE'S SO LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME !!!
One of my totally vain dreams is to be either on the cover OR at least in an issue of WW magazine.
How cool would that be?  Yes I know that it is totally stuck up & egocentric of me but I don't give a shit. I would love to be totally made over for a photo shoot & be able to be an inspiration to others.
I would say 'if a crazy as bat-shit daggy lard-arse like me can lose 30kg then anyone can'.
In the mean-time I will have to be content with downloading magazine cover apps & daydreaming my day away.
 
 
 
"No No Stephonzo I shan't be attending the Vogue's 50 Most Glamourous Inspirational Hhilarious Women of 2013 cocktail party as I will be at the Harper's Bizarre awards for the most Fabulously Awesome Weight-loss Glamourzon of 2013. Sorry but you will just have to tell Miranda Kerr that I will have to catchup with her next week for sushi & mineral water".
 
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND EVERYBODY !!!!!!!!
XOXOXXOXOXO
 

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

“He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.” Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Howdy everybody! I hope you've all been well and have been good little minxes.
Thanks everyone who left me comments about my 1 year of being off the turps. You rock and made me feel all squirmy & happy.
Well, it's Wednesday & I've surprised myself by staying totally on track with my WW points!
Tomorrow is my New Week and I still have 45 extra points in the kitty! Now I COULD pop into The Cheesecake shop on my way home & get 2 & 1/2 slices of Baked Caramel Mississippi Cheesecake (only 41PP) BUT.... I won't. Mmmmmmm cheesecake.
Instead I will go for a noice hour long walk along the waterfront. I'd better have a loss on the scales this week or Mz Vicki will be one unhappy camper.
===============================================
On Sunday TBF & I toodled off to the Brizvegas Kustom Karnival at The Acacia Ridge Hotel. It was crackin' day with hot cars, market stalls selling all manner of pin up shit, rockin bands & awesome friends.  I was excited because the headlining act was Los Straightjackets who are a surf instrumental band from America (pictured above).  Pat Capocci Combo were awesome as usual and Men Into Space rocked. I LOVED their version of Planet Claire by the B52s!! I was also impressed by their 2 back up singers... I mean screamers The Boobettes. Unfortunately I missed The Lincolns as I was too busy talking the leg off an iron chair upstairs and managed to catch the end of CC Jerome's Jetsetters who were fantastic. A bit more bluesy/ boogie woogie but still great.
We had a such great time and it was so cool catching up with friends I haven't seen in ages. There was lots of cheek kissing and "Arrrrrrr how ARE youuuuuuuuuuu?!!!"s
ALL of the bands were excellent and I thought the venue was ace with all the areas separated.(food in one area, markets in another & the bands downstairs).
MY POSSE
PS:  I made my skirt myself! Yes I am a clever chooky.
I chatted & chatted & schmoozed with everyone until I almost lost my voice, I had a dance with my mate Tony which reminded me how unfit I am and laughed & laughed with my super awesome super frickin' hilarious disgustingly rude friends.
When Los Straightjackets came on I lost my shit. I was Go-Go dancing and doing the twist all over the place. I don't know how ANYONE could have stood still while they were on. I put down 11 activity points for Sunday because I was bouncing around like a looney for a good hour and a half I reckon. I was pouring with sweat. And the best thing was, because it was a daytime gig we got home at the respectable hour of 7.30pm. Another brilliant rockabilly event put on by the Queen of Brisbane Rockabilly Mz Lori Lee.

The Queen of the Kitten Katwalk - Kate Miss Kitten Darling

Lindy Charm School Headmistress Mz Chrissy & my WW inspiration Mz Calista

The Awesome Mz Erin of PocoRojo Photography

My favourite person in the world - TBF (The Big Fella)
Mz Lisa of Atomic Martini Vintage at Clayfield
=============================================================
In other news, I had a brain strain day yesterday. I think my new fangled meds are playing a bit of havic with my ole grey matter. I'm feeling a bit nervy & anxious & yesterday I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. I left work at midday & managed to drive home with running any red lights. I got home around one & immediately went to bed and went into a coma for about 3 hours.
When I brain is feeling all manky the best thing for me is to literally turn my brain to the OFF position for a while.  I think that I am letting alot of things get to me again and I need to
CHILL THE HELL OUT MAN.
I feel good today. I dragged myself to my sewing class last night. I wasn't going to do but TBF assured me that it is like my 'feel good' tonic. And you know what? He was right. After about an hour my head started to clear & I started to feel human again.
I'm so lucky that I have the most fantastic support network. My hubby, my friends, my Facebook community friends, my WW community friends & my family.

YOU ALL ROCK!!
xoxooxox

PS:  If any of you can think of any topics you would particularly like me to write about please let me know as I quite often get writer's block and can't think of anything interesting to type about. (besides my usual narcissistic ramblings that is LOL)


Friday, March 8, 2013

19. RED HILL (2010)

 
Hmmm for some reason youtube won't let me upload the trailer...
This is the link to it:
 
I'd heard good things about this movie and the trailer makes it look really good.
It's KIND OF a cowboy western but set in Australia.  The scenery is really awesome & I would love to know where it was filmed because the buildings are gorgeous.
It's hard to review this movie without kind of spoiling it.
Be warned.... It's corny as all get out and the acting is pretty bloody average but I really liked the concept of the film. It's sort of a The Good The Bad & The Ugly but with more "streuth mates" and " farkin' hell mates".  There is a bizarre sub-plot that I don't really understand what the hell it was included for. I don't want to give it away but it is to do with something strange living in The High Country.
Hubby pointed out to be that in keeping with the salute to old western films most of the firearms in the film are really old western styles . I wouldn't have noticed that. The soundtrack is really good too.
 
I was really impressed that in this P.C. age of not offending anyone that the 'bad' guy is an Aboriginal.
It's pretty predictable and towards the end I could totally predict what was going to happen & even what the next script line would be ... but.......
I liked it. I'm not sure why but I liked it.
 
If you like a good Aussie flick and this one isn't too bad.
3 STARS
 

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

What is this I’m drinking? It’s disgusting. It’s like a choc ice fell into a bottle of bleach. This is children’s booze! - Bernard Black

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME.
IT HAS BEEN 1 YEAR TODAY THAT I SAID FARE-THEE-WELL TO MY OLD NEMISIS BOOZE



Booze & I started going out when I was quite young. I was 14 when our relationship processed into something serious. Back then Booze was always hanging around me on weekends and always arrived at 'sticks' parties with a bunch of well-behaved older bogan lads in the back of an old bush basher Holden ute. Booze was so good to me and definately helped me forget the shit that was happening at home & at school. Booze would put his strong arm around my young shoulders and make me forget.
From 14 - 17 he went by a few names.... Stones Green Ginger Wine, Passion Pop and my favourite Jim Beam which I drank in a ladylike manner mixed with coke in a washed out 2 litre milk bottle.


When I left school & moved to The Big Smoke, Booze came with me. I had little to no self-esteem and had started having panic attacks. Booze was always there to knock me out and to keep me company in those long nights when I was alone. From 18 - 24 he had changed his name to Wipe-Out, Bombora and the exotic sounding Fruity Lexia.

 
During my early twenties Booze and I had a bit of a cooling off period. Oh we still saw eachother on weekends but I had just discovered Rockabilly music & vintage clothing and felt the best I'd felt in years.  I got married and my husband was fine with my relationship with Booze and myself, him & Booze aka Jim Beam would often have a great night together.  As I got older I discovered that Booze was alot better & cheaper if it was a nice glass of chardonnay.  Booze & I would dance & dance & dance and I found that when Booze was with me I was alot more confident, could dance much better & wasn't afraid of people judging me.
As the years went by, however, Booze started to become alot more domineering. I found that I couldn't really do anything without Booze tagging along. Even cooking dinner or having a phone conversion was an effort without Booze holding my hand.  Alas, Booze had decided that nobody else could have me.  He found a way to turn off my OFF button so when I had drunk too much he would sling his arm around me & laugh "Go on have some more! You're just getting started! ". 
Oh I was the life of the party alright.
Slowly but surely I found that I didn't like myself much anymore without having Booze around.
The problem was that if I hung around him too much I would have big panic attacks and try to hurt myself. Booze didn't give a shit about this though and would always convice me that I would be more in control next time. I believed him.
 
 
In my early thirties Booze & I decided to get serious. Unfortunately my husband & I didn't survive and we divorced.  During the following 6 months Booze & I formed a very close relationship and saw eachother everynight. He changed his name to Merlot and I just loved how he made me feel.
Then I met The Big Fella and it all changed.
He saw beyond my drinking & knew that I was a good person who just hadn't been loved properly & that Booze was just using me. TBF put up with my love affair with Booze for the next few years.
I sometimes would try to break up with Booze but I truely felt like I couldn't do without him. I didn't know who I was without him.
What if I was pathetic without him around?
What if people didn't like me?
On the 7th March 2012 I went to a friend's party and Booze met up with me there. It was a great day and Booze was there with me all day telling me that I was being funny and having a ball.
I didn't bother to eat as Booze suggested that I just have more Merlot instead.
Once again TBF told me that I had had enough but I didn't believe him.
When we left, as soon as the car started driving I went into a massive panic attack which lasted all night. I hallucinated, vomited everywhere and when we got home tried to hurt myself & TBF.
I woke up the next day with only vague recollections of the night before.
The look of hurt & pain on TBF's face was too much for me to bear.
The only person who truely loved me and he had to watch me destroy myself.
I decided that enough was enough. I told Booze to fuck off.
I've discovered that I am actually a good person when sober. I'm a bit quieter & well behaved.
I don't go around pashing strange men or friends who have partners.
I dont' try to root or come on to strangers anymore.
I think I am a better friend as I am not so self absorbed (I hope).
Yes I'm not so outgoing & boisterous but I don't mind this new quieter calmer me.
Life is better.
Do I still feel like catching up for a chat with Booze?
Sometimes.
Mainly in times of relaxation when I'm kicking back like watching a movie or at a casual barbie I think "Shit I'd love to have a hug from Booze again" but then I remember that hurt look on TBF's face and the intense feelings of self-loathing, guilt and suicidal depression that comes with Booze and I think that it's just not worth it.
 
 
 

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster, drank piƱa coladas. At sunset, we made love like sea otters. - Groundhog Day

Just a quick post today. Last night I had my sewing class. Once again totes awesome. I learnt how to do GATHERING. (comedy line of the week goes to TBF for suggesting that I must now be a qualified HUNTER & GATHERER  LOL ) .
Last night there was only the two of us so I got to get a bit more one on one time with Brenda.
In addition to learning shit-loads about the art of sewing, Jan & Brenda are also providing me with some guidance counselling & last night while we were cutting out and learning about how to do darts these two lovely ladies gave me career advice. I was saying to Brenda that it is just so awesome that she is making a living by doing something that she loves & is passionate about. I'm so jelly.

I commented that I have never really known what the hell I wanted to do for a crust and have really just floated along. In highschool I was too busy getting pissed at sticks-parties, smoking durries out the back of the library and bleaching my jeans to give a crap about what I wanted to be when I grew up.
So now I'm 40 and I STILL have no idea. Being a book-keeper is ok. It pays the bills and allows me to surf the net & write this blog.



MY EMPLOYEE QUALITIES

I dress nice and make an effort to not look like a slob.
I'm funny as hell. Cheeky and a bit of a smartarse.
I've got fab customer service skills even when the customer is being a dick.
I make a great cup of coffee.
I love organising stuff and am great at getting people's shit in order.
I don't smoke durries so I won't be ducking outside for a fag every hour.
I can touch type like mofo.
I have initiative and don't sit around like a blob waiting for someone to direct me.
I have very neat handwriting and used to win competitions in school for it.
I am qualified in Quickbooks book-keeping.
I am neat... but not so neat that I would be considered a freak. I do, however, insist that the pages line up perfectly before stapling them together.
I'm a people person. Except when they are rude then I am a hater.
I have rhythm. Who could ask for anything more?

One day I will find my calling.




MY FINISHED APRON!
You seriously CANNOT go wrong with a combination of gingham AND ric-rak.
(you can't really tell but it also has POCKETS)

Monday, March 4, 2013

Yak's milk. Milking a yak isn't exactly a picnic; but once you pick the hairs out, it's very nutritious.-Monsters Inc

Well I did it. I joined the gym. Yes it's kind of like that super annoying ad on telly "You bought a Jeep?"
YES.
I JOINED A GYM.
AGAIN.
For those of you who have been following my *cough* progress you will know that this is approximately the 5 millionth time I have joined a gym. I can almost hear you all simultaneously screaming "For the love of Mary NOT AGAIN!"
YES AGAIN.
Why Vicki? But Why? Because I'm bonkers that's why. I kind of miss the gym. Well not the GYM itself but I like doing weights. It hasn't stopped raining here for what seems like an eternity and I am getting cabin fever because I haven't been able to walk.
"Why don't you do one of your 10 exercise DVDs that are gathering dust in your TV cabinet then" I hear you lecture annoyingly in my face.
BECAUSE THEY ARE SHIT & I HATE THEM. SHUT UP.
I have a lounge room roughly the size of a public toilet cubicle and I feel like a total dick bouncing around it in my favourite pair of hubby's old boxer shorts, sweating & grunting like a porn star.

 
So anyways, the gym I joined in on my way home from work and has no contracts so it won't be an issue when I decide (once again) that I've had a gutfull and I've decided that my new exercise obsession will be something like underwater scuba diving pilates. This gym is one of those 24/7 gyms where at certain times of the day there isn't anyone actually manning the fort. There IS a panic button on the wall which I'm sure will be fine when some massive hairy steroid junkie bloke decides to attack me with a 10kg barbell.
I decided to go on Sunday arvo as I was feeling icky because I was slack and didn't go to the SSS training session early Saturday morning. (I slept in). When I arrived at the gym there were 3 others there and I jumped on the treadmill & quickly set about destroying my ear drums with some nice soothing music like The Vines & Living End. After 15 minutes I finished & turned around.
I turned off my headphones. ...... you could have heard a pin drop. I was totally alone.
This was a very freaky feeling. I felt like I was in that movie 28 days later when the bloke wakes up & everybody in the world is gone. I was totally waiting for some zombies to jump out from behind the lat pull-down machine. The TVs on the wall wouldn't work either which made it even creepier because it was so quiet. *chills*
It felt like I had broken in. I was tempted to run around the gym doing a little dance ala Christopher Walken in the Weapon of Choice film clip but I noticed the cameras mounted on the wall.
Instead I continued with my workout BUT without my earphones in just in case some big burly dude wanted to sneak up behind me & grab my boobs.
How YOU doin'?
I do feel good for getting back into the gym again. I like this gym because it is really really simple (like me). It doesn't have classes which suits me because I hate group fitness classes.
It does have boxing classes though which I might give a crack. I just want to get in, do my shit & get the hell out.
PUMP IT BABY.
 

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair. - Steel Magnolias


Howdy hipsters. Sorry I haven't blogged for a bit but I'm afraid that bloody black dog got off its leash again and bowled me over, cocked its leg & pissed on me.  The Terrible Sadness came for me last Tuesday night. To put it bluntly. It sucks ass.  I even missed my beloved sewing class which was shit.
 I took Wednesday off work & went to the doctor. We've agreed to put me on some new fan-dangled meds as I'm pretty sure my mooshy brain has built up a resistance to the other stuff.
Hopefully these new improved happy pills will transport my brain, which has a serious case of the "fuck off and leave me alones", back to my ususal wacky zany looney happy sexy self.

Wednesday night was super excited as I went to my first WW meeting in about a year and a bit.
I weighed in at 90.1kg *shit bum poo* and my goal weight range is 55-65kg. I think the last time I weighed around 55kg was when I was 22 and could only afford to eat one packed of 50c black n gold brand noodles and I was working as a bar-slag carrying slabs of VB up & down stairs.
I would be happy to be around 65kg. ... to be honest I would be happy to just look fit.
Like my girlcrush Ronda Rousey but not quite so muscular.
I love Weight Watchers. The support you get from a meeting is just so fab. I was one of 5 new members and we all looked as nervous as a possum on the motorway. But we didn't need to be because the WW leader at Northlakes is the gorgeous Toni. Thanks to her (and her super awesome team) the meeting was so much fun, not to mention informative.
 
The subject was all about SPACES.
Controlling your food spaces. eg: home, work, car etc.
We discussed about people that try to sabotage you by bringing you cakes, bickies and other tasty yet super fattening foods and try to make you feel guilty if you don't have them. 
One of the ladies who comes to the meeting has lost 25kg and she got up the front and gave us some hints on what has helped her succeed. The general consensus I got was the most important thing is..
TRACKING TRACKING TRACKING.
Write it down. I have downloaded the WW app which helps heaps with tracking your food.
It felt really good to be back in the nuturing folds of the WWs and I am also loving being back on the community pages online. 
Fully sick bro.
 
PS:  THESE ARE MY DREAM BODIES THAT I WOULD LIKE TO LOOK LIKE. STILL A BIT CURVY BUT SMOKING HAWT. SCARLETT JOHANSSON & MY FAVOURITE PIN UP GIRL DORIS MAYDAY. THAT'S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK IS IT???!! LOL


Saturday, March 2, 2013

18. Things to do in Denver when you are dead (1995)



This movie wasn't on my list but was recommended to me. I don't mind a good gangster flick so I thought I'd give it a crack. You would think a line up like Andy Garcia, Christopher Lloyd, Steve Buscemi & Christopher mutha-fuckin Walken would be awesome. You would be wrong.
I thought it was very very average. The mooshy scenes with Andy & the sexy young girl (who looks REALLY young) are sickening.
Mr Walken is (as usual) great as the arsehole crime boss The Man. I thought it was really boring.
I didn't MIND the cool gangster talk that they do (Give it a name baby) and the sometimes storybook narration by Jack Warden but I found the movie itself very dull.
Sorry Dave (who recommended it) but it didn't do anything for me.
2 STARS