Thursday, October 30, 2014

Smarter than the Average Bear

In my never ending quest to feel like a million bucks I decided to take a huge leap out of my comfort zone and go to HOT YOGA.

Now I've been to a couple of 'normal" yoga classes before and loved it but knowing how much the summer heat throws me into fits of, what can only be described as pathetic childish tantrums of pointless rage, the thought voluntarily doing exercise in what can only be described as a sauna did not push my motivational buttons.

Couple this with the sight of young 20 some-things who glide past my work each afternoon on their way to said hot yoga class their $100 Lorna Jane emblazoned singlets clinging to their size 8-10 bodies , environmentally friendly Byron Bay yoga bags bouncing off their rock hard arses sipping on coconut water and you could say that it did not instil me with confidence.

THEN I discovered on YouTube YOGA WITH ADRIENE and I started doing yoga every morning and most afternoons in the seclusion of my sewing room with just my trusty lap top and Harvey my cat for company.
Unlike other yoga instructional videos I have watched, Adriene is freaking funny, easy to follow AND don't have the personality of a hippy cyborg.  So impressed with her videos was I, that I even started getting up 45 minutes earlier in the morning because I felt so good afterwards.

2 weeks ago I was in the coffee shop next to my work and I noticed the two gals in front of me had yoga mats and were looking quite flushed.  The thing was, they weren't like the Lorna Jane crowd, they looked.... well..... normal.  I hesitantly approached them and blurted "Do you go to the hot yoga around the corner?". Big smiles filled their beet red sweaty faces "We sure do!!"

I then rather rapidly stammered "Oh I'd love to go but I'm just so self conscious, and so unfit and embarrassed and it is hot and what if I can't breathe and what if I can't do it. What if I panic and want to get out? Do they lock you in? I'm not a size 10. What if I look like an idiot."

These girls looked at me with warm smiles that said "Yep that used to be me" and then gushed
"You will feel amazing. You should just give it a go" "You can stop at any time" "Nobody judges you" "It's the best thing we ever did" "I've lost 10 kilos in 6 months" "You won't regret it"
"Just do it"

SO that afternoon I walked up the steps to the reception and signed up for the introductory offer.

The next afternoon I went armed with my Shannon Ponton Yoga mat from Kmart for $10, a towel, my 1.25 litre water bottle and a stomach full of nerves.

I entered the 30 degree room and lay down on my mat.  Almost IMMEDIATELY my heart thought "What the fuck is this shit?" and started pounding like crazy! I focused on my breathing and found that after only about 5 minutes not only had I gotten used to the heat but it felt really good.

When the instructor came in I immediately went to him and blurted out all of my fears.
I'm unfit. I'm inflexible. What if the heat is too much? Can I leave the room? What if I can't do the moves?
He gave the that same serene warm smile that said "I remember when I first started"
He assured me that at any time I could leave the room. That every single person in the room will be completely focussed on themselves and their own breathing that they won't even be aware of anyone else in the class. That I should try each move but only do it to the best of my ability today.
If it all becomes too much just go into Child's Pose and if I want I can just stay in that pose the whole class or even lie on my back.
He seemed genuinely stoked that I was there & STARTING.

Sure enough, over the next hour I felt like I was as graceful as a water buffalo that had been stung by a wasp and had the flexibility of a plank of 2x4 and I sometimes felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest it was struggling to pump blood around my clogged arteries BUT.....

about 3/4 of the way through ..... I FELT FUCKING INCREDIBLE.  I felt cleansed and light.

The final 10 minutes was a meditation and was just heaven.  I was lying there totally drenched in my own pouring stinky sweat but I didn't want to leave the room!

When it was all over the yogi (no not the bear) came up to me to see how I felt.

All I could say was "I'm so happy". 
He gave me that smile again and said "Imagine how happy you will be if you keep going".

Beaming, I sprung down the steps and glided back to my car feeling wonderful.

"It bet I'm super red". I thought to myself so I adjusted my rear view mirror to take a look.


I looked like a blonde Alice Cooper!! and you know what?


I have definitely found an activity that I love and can't wait to do more of....... At least that's what I thought until I went to a new class with a new yogi who didn't think 30 degrees was hot enough.... but that's for another blog post LOL


Thursday, October 23, 2014

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

I sit on the hotel room bed wiping the layers of blue eyeshadow from my bloodshot eyes trying to ignore the intense throbbing in my feet.   Even after 3 washes I still have streaks of fluro pink orange spray in my hair.  Every muscle in my body is aching as I devour Cadbury Snack chocolate.
Moans of pain come from the bed next to me where my wonderful friend Mz Lyndi (who has flown up from Melbourne) is lying, rubbing her feet while scoffing down salt and vinegar chips washed down with a can of Coke.
Mick, my hubby, is sprawled out next to me cackling to himself as he scans Facebook.


For a number of years I have followed (stalked) via Facebook Joy Taylor of the fabulous Hot Couturclothing label.  Each year she goes to an incredible Halloween fancy dress party and each year I cannot wait to see the photos.  I commented to Joy at the beginning 2014 that I wished somebody would host an amazing fancy dress party like the one she goes to, here in ole Brissy.
Like the girl in the Old Epaso ad Joy replied "Why don't you host it?"
"Yeah" I thought "Buggerit! Why DON'T I host it?!!"

So...... It is 2am and the first Hifallutin Fancy Dress Disco just ended at midnight.

As I think back to the night it is hard to narrow down ONE highlight of the 6 hour epic dance.

It may have been the fact that EVERY SINGLE PERSON looked amazing and had really gone all out with their costumes. So much creativity and originality... LOVED IT!!!!

It may have been the 7 foot tall drag queen "Bimbo" who arrived sans friends dressed as a Barbie crossed with Little Boo Peep complete with spectacular long pink nails and white lace up boots that he looked surprisingly comfortable in. (unfortunately he didn't stick around)

It may have been my ultimate Vicki playlist that did not let up and was almost TOO good. 
A song would finish after everyone had finished throwing themselves around the dance floor with 1000% energy gasping for breath & a drink .... when the next song would come on & everyone who scream "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DANCE TO THIS ONE TOO!!"

It may have been the fantastic DJing/MCing skills of Dave & Sara (DJ Nephthyss) who transformed my tinny shitty sounding playlist into a crisp "drop dat bass' bitching bullshit clear thumpin' sound!

It may have been the look of sheer delight on Tom Cruise from Top Gun's face when after about 2 hours of pleading for it DJ Dave played Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" and somebody wrote on a sign for him "You've Been Rick-Rolled". It was also fantastic to see a stack of the 'general public' come to party. They had been going to other fancy dress gigs that didn't work out and so they googled Fancy Dress and decided to come to mine!! They had an absolute ball!!!

It may have been my childhood best friend Jodie turning up and surprisingy me after not having seen eachother for about 25 YEARS!  We haven't aged a bit !!!!

It may have been Nacho Libre jumping on stage to do very energetic James Brown Impression to "Get Up Offa That Thing" complete with throwing off his cape & feigning exhaustion.

It may have been my very own X-Factor worthy lip syncing performance of Young MC's "Bust A Move" followed by Run DMC's "Tricky" with the whole crowd screaming & pointing at me

It may have been the bizarre sight of Brenton in his amazing costume of a plastic toy army man being awarded the Best Costume Trophy by the bar manager Randall who was an exact doppleganger of The Dude from "The Big Lebowski".


It may have been the awesome sight of all these crazy costumed people jumping, spinning, running around like lunatics to House of Pain "Jump Around".

It may very well be the down right brilliant lip sync of Bohemian Rhapsody by a rather dramatic Freddie Mercury and with backing vocals by Wayne & Garth from Wayne's World,  Mick Taylor from Wolf Creek, an Ebola patient and the Toy Soldier.


stopping on the dance floor mid spin and taking a moment just to take it all in and seeing 60 people dancing with complete abandon without any fucks given as it what they looked like. 
60 people smiling and laughing and for just a little while forgetting all about all the shit going on in their lives and just letting it go.

I'm so happy that everybody had a ball and I am stoked to be able to say that I will definitely be putting it on again next year. (NOT on the same weekend as Asphalt Demons car show next time).
The Greenslopes Bowls Club was the PERFECT venue and I have to give a huge thanks to Ebony the function manager, Randall (The Dude) the bar manager & Michael the chef for everything they did to make the night run so smoothly.

You have 11 months to get your costumes ready!!!!
To see ALL the photos from the night go to:

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Ain't no Mountain High Enough

"I....... can't............ make.............. it"
"You can do it".
"Can't ....... breathe".
"One step at a time come on".
"My..... fucking....... calves........... hurt".
"Take your time"
"Farrrrrrrrrkkkkk Oooooooooo arrrrrrrr"
This is the conversation between hubby & I just 10 minutes into my climb of Mount Coolum
last Sunday morning 6am.


October the 12th was International Earth Cache Day in the Geocaching World.
What the hell is an Earth Cache I hear you warble?

The excellent video explains everything

You don't have to actually FIND anything to get an Earth Cache... you just have to go to a specific location... sometimes you have to email the person who created the cache with answers to questions about the location & take a photo of yourself at the location. 
Earth Caches are usually fantastic amazing geological locations. 
Unfortunately we did not have the time or the funds to go to The Blue Lagoon in Iceland or Machu Picchu Fault Line or "Devils Kitchen Sinkhole" in Arizona so we settled on climbing to the summit of MOUNT COOLUM on the Sunshine Coast.

The information we got about the walk was that it would take approx. 1 hour up & 1 hour down.  What I didn't realise was that it isn't a BUSH walk (it is in the blazing sun) and there are 50 million fucking steep rock steps to walk up.

Anyone would think we were about to hike across the Andes with Bear Grylls with the prep that we did.
I got some you-beaut Merrell hiking boots and Mick bought some hiking poles. We had heaps of water, frozen oranges, coconut water, trail mix and granola bars.
Dammit, if the Martins are going to do something, by God, we are going to do it one THOUSAND % and leave NOTHING to chance.

10 minutes into our climb up the 50 million step rock steps my wonky brain made an executive decision that shortness of breath, nausea, sweating & muscle pain meant that I MUST be having a PANIC ATTACK!  So I then got dizzy, felt like I was going to projectile vomit over the lush scenery and I became very anxious and shaky.

Luckily, I have a very patient husband who instructed me that we were not on any time limit & to just stop whenever I want and concentrate on my breathing.

After about 5 minutes I convinced my brain that I was NOT going to die and that my body was simply doing something very foreign  ...... EXERCISE.

I continued. I focused on just putting one foot after the other and regulating my breathing.
Surprisingly, after only about another 5 minutes we met with some young whipper snappers coming back down who told us we were only a couple of minutes from the summit!

Sure enough, the final 5-10 minutes were quite easy and we stepped out onto the summit.


THE VIEW WAS INCREDIBLE. A 360 degree view of the Sunshine Coast. AMAZING.

We sat (I plonked) down on one of the beautiful smooth grey/white rocks (called rhyolite) and took it all in.

It was so lovely. There was a slight cool breeze and everybody who was up there was very quiet, just absorbing the beauty.  I guzzled my coconut water and tried to focus on muffling my rasping breath.  I closed my eyes and just focused on the sunlight on my face & the wind on my skin and the fact that I had DONE IT!

The walk down was made MUCH easier with the use of a hiking pole to take some of the weight off my crunchy knees.  It actually only took about 35 minutes to walk up the mountain (including my breaks every 5 steps to swear & hyperventilate) and only about 15 minutes to get back down.

Would I walk up it again?  Definitely.  Next time I would go for about a 15 minute walk beforehand to warm up the ole glutes & quads though.

It was a bit of an exercise personal achievement for myself and it has inspired me to do more 'outdoorsy' exercise challenges.

Geocaching is NOT a fashion contest
AND I got a new souveniour on my geocaching page! 

Thursday, October 2, 2014

I think Good Style Improves the Enviroment for Everybody - Zelda Kaplan (Advanced Style)

Last night a group of us vintage fashionistas went to Palace Centro to see the documentary "Advanced Style".
Advanced Style examines the lives of seven unique New Yorkers whose eclectic personal style and vital spirit have guided their approach to aging.(IMDb)

I have been a big fan of Ari Cohen's Blog where he photographers 'older' women who radiate fabulous style & charisma, so when I heard he had made a documentary on this subject, I was very excited.
What to wear to a movie about unique style????
In my cupboard of fairly stock standard black, red and navy outfits I decided to wear one of my favourites. A 'vases' novelty print rayon 1940s frock that has the most lovely scalloped detailing on the sleeves :)


This doco focused on only seven of Mr Cohen's subjects but these seven ladies were simply extraordinary.

During the film there was much swooning, hands flying to chests with gasps of "Oh My!" and peels of laughter at some of the wonderful quotes from these aged women.

The ladies of this documentary (who range in age from 62 - 95) have the most beautiful attitude towards life.  Although each of them posses their own unique (sometimes a bit wild & crazy) personal style, the message they all share seems to be the same.



As I was watching I could see certain people I know in the personalities of each of these women!!
Not naming names!!! LOL

There was one lady in particular who I thought was simply divine and had me sighing whenever she came on the screen.
Joyce who is 80.
She epitomises classic style and glamour. Unlike the other ladies who were all about very bright colours and outrageous hats and jewellery, in most settings, Joyce had on a simple black outfit but with a exquisite tartan or silk wrap and always a string of pearls. Stunning.
Yep. I thought.
I want that to be me when I am 80.
I loved her quote "I never wanted to look young. I wanted to look great."

I came out of this viewing feeling all warm & fuzzy.  I felt like I wanted to start wearing more vibrant colours, more fuck off big flower corsages and buying a mountain of 1940s silk lounge wear so I can just laze around sipping exotic teas whilst looking fabulous.

I also kept thinking of my own grandmother who is 81 years old. My Nanny is all about style and always looks immaculate. In the doco one lady comments that she didn't wear a particular outfit for 7 years because she couldn't find the 'right' earrings.  My Nanny is like that. Before she goes out into public she must be completely co-ordinated.
Every time I visit her she takes my arm & leads me into her bedroom where we spend the next 30 minutes viewing her latest buys..
"Oh Vicki I got this beautiful blouse from Lifeline for only $5 but I thought the buttons were just lovely so then I just HAD to go to Millers and buy some nice slacks to match. I realised I didn't have the exact right shade of navy shoes & bag to match so luckily I found some in Target and well I already had these lovely gold earrings to match. You see how they brings out the colour in the buttons?..... Now THIS outfit is another story..............."
Hmmmmmmm this explains A LOT about me..... I think it might be genetic.

Addy expressing her own individual style.

I can highly recommend this movie.  I think that if you love style & fashion you will just fall in LOVE with these women and their message about aging in today's youth and fad obsessed society.