Tuesday, August 28, 2012

For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland. I'm not cryin'.


I was feelin' gooood. Positive. My pants were definately feeling looser for sure.
Lalalala larrrrr I skipped down the hall to my weigh-in room.
My bottom lip started quivering and my eyes started to fill up. My face squished up into my super pouty face that normally only appears when I can't afford a new 1940s rayon frock on Etsy.
 How? What? Why? When?
I thought that getting my hair chopped off on Saturday would have immediately wiped 200g off my weight.
Oh the humanity.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

"Never eat more than you can lift. " - Miss Piggy

"Sweet Poison" ..... how did I like it? meh.
All very very scientific & well.... boring. I found one of my eyes starting to turn in and a string of salvia forming on my chin. Don't get me wrong... if you are interested in biology and chemistry and shitloads of words ending in OSE you will love this book. I'm not sure what I was expecting.
Basically in 208 pages the message is DON'T EAT FRUCTOSE.
Personally I think that's a bit over the top. When someone says to me "You can NEVER have that EVER again". I tend to cross my arms, pout, stomp my foot & mutter "You can't tell ME what to do!" and poke my tounge out.
I'm a person who has done almost EVERY diet known to man-kind or at least bought the book, burnt 5 calories flicking through it before exclaiming "It's all just too hard!" and then adding it to the other Latest Diet Miracle Diet book shelf.
Basically, with my thorough research I think it comes down to this:


As I was flicking through the book all I could think was "Stuff that!". Life is WAY too short to never eat cheesecake again.  What is the point of going on if you could NEVER have a Lindt white chocolate ball?? *shudder*  Personally, I would rather be eaten alive by a hoard of rabid ferrets than never taste my Nanny's Lemon meringue pie.
I think as long as you aren't chowin' down on the Cadbury, McDs and Coca-cola everyday and have a little bit than that is ok. I think I'm doing pretty good. No grog, No softdrink. No Maccas or KFC.
I reckon as long as 90% of my intake is food that comes from the ground or a tree and not from a can or bag then I am doing better than most.
Seriously this whole NO sugar NO carbs NO meat NO aspartime NO oil NO eggs thing gives me the shits.
Get off my back. If I was knocking back 2litres of full-cream Coke a day and eating a whole meatlovers with cheesy crust Pizza every week and eating burgers for lunch that is different.
Today I had Organic Natural Muesli with grated apple for breakfast. ERMEGHARD the muesli has 15g of sugar per 100g. EPIC FUCKING FAIL according to Sweet Poison. I disagree. It was yummy & had loads of fruit & masses of fibre.
Lunch I had homemade Lentil soup and a banana. OH GOD NOT A BANANA. Don't you know how much frigging fructose sugar a banana has???!!!!!!!!!!! Give me a break.
Anyway that is my rant over.
Maybe I should write a book.

(By the way I just want to add that I do not completely disagree with the basic message of the book which is there is WAYYYY too much sugar in everything we eat and we should read our labels.
The world DOES need to cut back on it's sugar content for sure. I just don't think you should BAN it from your life unless you have a medical condition).

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Sugar Sugar. You are my Candy Girl & you got me wanting you.

Just a quickie today.... Thanks to that marvelous medium Facebook it came to my attention that yours truely is in the latest issue of Cruzin Magazine. In it is an article about the opening day of one of my favourite shops Your One Stop Pin Up Shop at Chermside.

A bunch of us pin-up lovin' gals converged on the newly opened shop to check out the hawt frocks & accessories for sale & to congratulate Mz Bek on bringing her store to Brissy Town.
Cruzin Magazine is sold in all good newsagencies. (if yours doesn't stock it then chuck a hissy fit)

Bek's Angels

Also, after writing yesterdays rant about sugar & my flubba-wubba body craving, it was highly recommended by a number of you that I read "Sweet Poison - Why Sugar Makes Us Fat".
I like to keep myself edumacated about stuff n things n shit so I immediately zoomed out & bought it.
I'll let you know what I think. So far it's all very scientic n shit.
PS:  Today I've started having NO sugar in my coffee... I hope that my tastebuds get used to it soon.
Carry on.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Stewed, Blued & Tattooed

Firstly I would like to publically give myself a massive 12wbt upper cut in my Bert Newtonish face.
GAIN OF 1.6kg. I would love to blame this gain on the arrival of the evil Aunty Flo (I admit that bitch is partly to blame) however, I cannot. This past week has been a massive blur of SUGAR.
Baskin Robbins , Cheesecake, Picnic bar, Boost Caramel bar, Hot Chips, Cake Pop, Burritos and Licorice Allsorts. SUGAR SUGAR FAT SUGAR SUGAR.
I've given up the durries. I've given up the grape.  Now I need to give up the sugar. Sigh.
Bloody hell swimsuit season is nearly here and here I am scoffing my pie-hole with crap.

In other Mz Vicki news.............
On the weekend TBF & I zoomed over to Archerfield in our custom-line 1996 Nissan Terrano to hit the awesome Mimsy's Trailer Trash Tattoo Open Day.

Mrs Mimsy has the most fabulous set up for her business. The waiting room contains 3 cool-as vintage caravans & tiki bar while upstairs is where the magic happens. 
On other people.........
The closest I've come to getting a tattoo is when I accidently lent my wet arm on the Andy Capp & Hagar comic strip of the Sunday mail when I was 14 and another time when I was 19 when it took a whole month for The Gig Nightclub stamp to scrub off my wrist. 
I reckon about 90% of my friends have tattooes.  To be honest I don't really SEE tattoos on people anymore because I'm so used to being surrounded by a bevy of colourful characters.
I kind of like the fact that in this sea of inked, drawn and coloured flesh I am a rare little milky white vanilla skin freak.  So many 'vintage' 'retro' rockabilly fillies now are covered in pretty & gorgeous piccies.  I've always liked being different so it's good to be RARE CLEAN-SKIN. LOL
I think that tattoos are rad though.  They are like a living breathing artwork. (When done well) are a reflection of the person under them.  I've never found one image that I loved SO much that I want it to be permantently on my body. I'm too fickle.
The lovely Mimsy herself. YIKES

It was such a great day. The weather was superb, the company was grouse, the band The Ten Fours were rockin' (as usual) and the food was yummo. I can HIGHLY recommend (not if you are doing the 12wbt of course) trying some of the yummy yummy yummy cupcakes & cake pops from Sugar Bomb.   I had never had a cake pop before. O..M...G. I had the lemon & basil with white chocolate.
I seriously wanted to try all of them. The GOOD thing about the cake pop is they are like a single serving so if you have self-control (I obviously have none) you can have one without feeling like you have overindulged. You can find them on Facebook.
Be warned: Looking at the photo albums of cupcakes & cakes WILL cause extensive drooling.
Mz Sugar Bomb herself : Nicky xoxoxo
OK OK OK I really need to get myself under control with my sugar cravings. Maybe I should go to Go-Vita & get myself the 10,000 capsule bottle of Chromium and start popping them like tic-tacs.

Monday, August 20, 2012

You know you're getting old when your back starts going out more than you do.-Phyllis Diller

The realisation settled on me like dust on my duchess top. It was Fitness Test time again.
As you all know Round Two was a bit of a non-event for me what with IVF, the deathly lurgy, not to mention that I came down with a terrible bout of laziness & apathy.
I haven't completed my fitness test since *gulp* May 29! Oh the 12wbt Shame of it.
So yesterday arvo I hit the track. I did a warm up of brisk walking for one kilometre & then BANG I was off. "Depectacon" by Le Tigre blasting my eardrums out. Around the 500 metre mark I started to suffer so I fast forwarded to "Piahrana" by the Prodigy. Oh ... my... Goodness...
I never thought I would EVER get to the 1km mark! It was like the min-min light. It just didn't seem to be getting any closer!!! FINALLY my flat duck foot slammed down on the mark.....

The time was actually 6.36 minutes. It took 2 seconds for my shaking hands to find the STOP button.
Then I started coughing, dry retching & gasping all at once. I seriously thought I was going to chuck infront of this nice old lady walking her poodle. I stopped & did some stretching on a bench.
Thank the heavens the fitness test is only every month.
So here's how I'm coming along.
ROUND ONE WEEK ONE:  7 minutes and 20 seconds
ROUND ONE WEEK 12:  6 minutes and 45 seconds
ROUND TWO WEEK 4:  6 minutes and 25 seconds.
I decided to walk the 2km back to the car musicless & just focus on controlling my raspy breathing by gazing across the calm bay and repeating in my mind "Do not hurl Do not hurl".
The weird thing was my throat felt like it was burning & I just could NOT stop coughing.
Have you ever watched one of those YouTube clips of those dickheads that eat a Ghost Chili (the hottest chilli in the galaxy). If you haven't you should .. HIL-AR-IOUS.
Well my throat felt like that.  Then.... as I was coughing & gasping I walked into one of those swarms of miniscule flying bugs. I don't know what they are? Not mozzies or midgies. Little tiny things that seem to stalk me if I walk at dusk. A bunch of them went into my mouth.
Seriously, this running caper is friggin' nuts!  This fit chick jogged past me as I was spitting up bile & bugs and you know what? She looked like she was ENJOYING running.
ENJOYING IT. Bloody Nut-job.
I quickly threw myself into my car & slammed the door on those vicious flying terrorists & zoomed home. Hacking & Gasping for air. Phew.
Once home and after my yummy dinner of Lentil Loaf (yummmmm) I set about baking some Pumpkin Chocolate Brownies. I wanted a healthy alternative to the Picnics, Cadbury Marvelous Creations (omg how good are they?) and Lindt balls I've been craving.
My tots buff friend Mrs Stubbs refered me to a bodybuilding recipe site & the rad recipe.
My brownies turned out OK. I have the WORST oven ever. It is one of those el-cheapo bench top ones. So my brownies turned out still a bit mooshy in the middle . BUT still very very yummo!
NOTE - The corn snuck into this shot & are not an ingredient

Here is the link to the recipe:  Pumpkin Protein Bars
I used Stevia instead of Xylitol, butternut pumpkin instead of canned pumpkin and Choc Isowhey powder instead of Vanilla.

I'm pretty excited about starting Round Three. I'm feeling pretty motivated & keen to get below 80kg by my birthday in October.


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!- Troy McClure

Yesterday was the Ekka show public holiday..
Can I get a HELLS-YEAH!!
I haven't been to the Ekka since I was about 15 years old when I had a massive panic attack because I was caught in the crowds in the tunnel on my way to see the cat show pavillion.
So many screaming people and children, people hacking & snorting & vomiting, the noise of the scratchy loud speaker blaring out HOT DIGGITY DAGWOOD DAWGS GET YA HOT DIGGITY DAGWOOD DAWGS! and all those rides that send my adrenal glands into hyperdrive.
The ONLY positive thing about the ekka is the Bertie Beetle show bag but these days you've got to fight the throngs of hyped up on Monster Drink tweens all jostling & talking WAY too loud fighting to buy the latest One Direction or My Little Porn Star bag.
Just give me the dog/cat pavillion & the fruit exhibit.
Needless to say the the Ekka is NOT my idea of a fun day.
So, instead TBF forced me to get out of my flannies, get tarted up & actually leave the house.
We hit our new favourite takeaway food joint : Guzman Y Gomez.

This place serves up the most unbelievably good Mexican food and I don't mean that horrific Montezemus crap smothered in 5 litres of friggin sour cream & 10 kilos of cheese.
OMG So good. I got a burrito. A Chipolte Steak one.
It's about the size of a 6" sub but is about a gazillion times tastier.
It is also a gazillion times bad for you.
Thanks Calorie King for once again delivering the sad truth....

842 calories . Sigh. Definately NOT 12wbt approved but MAYBE on Saturday treat day!

tasty tasty burrito.
After we had eaten until we thought our guts would explode we headed over to one of my favourite shops.
Lisa the Queen of everything vintage & stylish has moved her shop to Clayfield which unfortunately (insert sarcastic font) is now directly on my route home. Sweet.
So of course, we had to go & suss out her new digs. I need to buy a thesauras because I need more words to use instead of FABULOUS that I have a tendency of overusing.
Just the assortment of vintage hats again had me salivating like a dog locked in a hot car.
If you have a chance be sure to pop in for a gander & be prepared to get lock jaw from gawping at all the fabul....... awesomeness for sale.

Mz Lisa the Style Queen
The store is on a main road & I think I did my bit by standing out the front posing & gesturing toward the shop like a model from Sale of The Century.  I think Lisa was concerned for my safety on the busy roadway because she quickly suggested I come back inside. She's so caring.

I've also discovered on Flakebook that a few of you have signed up to do Round Three of the 12wbt. Don't worry I won't out you. You're 'secret' is safe with me. If yawl need any handy hints just ask me.
Not that I am a good example of the programme.
I guess my advice is just following Mish's advice and
(ok she says Just Freaking do it.. tomayto tomarto)
Just think ladies..... by Christmas we are going to look SLAMMIN' HAWT in our vintage togs.
Yep just like Esther Williams on the cover of Movieland
.. that'll be us

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

Well today is weigh-in day. I LOST 900g woohooo. Bringing me down to a positively gaunt 84.6kg!
As long as that graph is going down I'm happy.

I put it down to one word.....

Last weekend while other people went outside & enjoyed the sunshine I stayed inside my house & cooked up a storm. I cooked up Cajun Fish Stew, Indian Lentil Soup & Thai Pumpkin soup. I boiled up eggs & wrote up my week's food & exercise programme.
Planning & being organised is the key to my brain not feeling like a puffer fish in the sun.
visualisaton of my brain when stressed & overwelmed.
The other thing I have done is bought myself a fancy little notebook and whenever I think of.... well anything really.... songs I hear on the radio that I like.... things I want to buy (this list is quite long).... crafty things I want to try.... funny words (this week's word is ennui).... snack ideas. This helps get the thoughts OUT of my head.
Helps make me feel like I AM IN CONTROL.

I'm back on the 'clean' eating train. (except for that Picnic I ate yesterday. Nuts are protein right?)
I recently re-discovered navel oranges. OMG I must have been living under a rock. What have oranges ever done to me? I would go to Woolies and see them and just completely disregard them.
"Oranges. Pfft. Boring fruit". I would think as I moved onto the more exotic Nashi pears & cherries.
This week I thought.. "What the hell.. I'm feeling sassy. I'll buy some meh oranges".
I'm now addicted. I'm sorry I judged you oranges. :(

In other news I am so excited because my brother & his wife had a baby boy this week. After a super long labour finally Bronson Denis came into the world. 10 pound 4!!!!!
It's so cool that my widdle brother is now a Dad. (and a bit weird)
I look forward to being a totally cool and rad aunty and spoiling my nephew rotten.
I also look forward to when Bronson is about 15 years old telling him stories about all the horrific things his father did to me when we were young.  hehehehehhehe

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Cause you're so beautiful...Like a tree. Or a high class prostitute.

I tell ya what... It's tough being a social butterfly. It's downright bloody exhausting.
On the weekend was my favourite annual event GREAZEFEST. It's a must-do on every rockabilly's calendar. It's got it all.. Awesome bands, Rad cars, Shopping for clothes, dancing & a chance to catch up with people that you only get to see once or twice a year and talk their ear off.
Saturday night I decided to dress completely inappropriately for the freezing artic temperatures & chose a noice leopard print Sheena of The Jungle number made of the lightest cotton. Yes it was more suited to a lounge seat by the pool at The Palms casino in Vegas but "Stuff it" I thought."I want to be sassy!"
Thankfully I had the good sense to also wear my bargain of the century coat with it's massive fur trim that looked like I had an alsatian dog drapped around my shoulders. Holy balony it was cold!

yucky coffee

It was such a fun night & even though I am still off the turps (7 months now) I still had a ball running around groping people, hugging any attractive man who came my way, demanding that people stroke my fur & bopping up a storm on the dance floor. The hightlight of the night was seeing The Planet Rockers from America play. I managed to force my way through to front row centre by elbowing people in the guts and so got to see them rock out up close. Awesome.
We finally left around 2AM!! and got home to bed by about 3AM. Totally knackered!
Up again around 8am for the car show on Sunday. Based on previous Greazefest experiences I know that on the Sunday you need to slather your body in Factor 50, wear a hat and long sleeve shirt & super duper comfy shoes. I shook my head in a weary old timer way at the young-uns in their short little dresses, stilleto heels & no hat. Foolish young thangs with their tight toned arses & optimistic attitudes. Hurrumphh.
I decided to go all Patsy Cline/Dale Evans & go all vintage western wear. Very sensible I thought.
First stop was Cowpunkabilly Vintage Western to buy a cowdie hat. Yeeeharrr! I've been hanging to get myself a decent hat for yonks. My lawdy he has the most incredible vintage western clothes for sale. I wanted to buy EVERYTHING.

The fabulous Mz Chrissy from The Lindy Charm School for Girls
She taught me everything I know! xoxoxo

TBF & I had a great time walking around checking out all the stalls and sussing out all the fabulous (& some not so fabulous) outfits being worn by the punters. I also got to meet in person some of my Flakebook friends. Now that was grouse.
I got to meet one of my blog stalkers (I mean readers) and that was so cool as she was so lovely (in her AMAZING blouse with brooch) and not totally psycho ... bonus!
Then, even with all my UV coverings, the sun started searing into my lily white flesh so we quickly hit the undercover area. We then settled in for the rest of the afteroon to listen to more great music & talk shit with anyone who'd listen. We made friends with a 70 year old lady sitting with us & she was so lovely & her enthusiam for life was fantastic.

We left around 6pm beaming from ear to ear but so tired we could bearly stand.
We did still have enough energy however, to stop at MOS Burger for dinner.

Well done Lori for putting together yet ANOTHER great festival.
Absolute cracker of a weekend.
You're a bloody legend.
Now excuse we while I fall down.

PS: In other news.... today was weigh in day. Still 85.5kg so I stayed the same. A small miracle considering I've been eating total crap. Yesterday I was fanging for something sweet.
Did I get myself a healthy sweet snack like strawberries?
or maybe a small chockie like a Milky Way?
I bought this pisaticho custard cake thing from a deli. It was the diameter of a 45 vinyl record and as thick as the bible.
Serves 6. ... Ummmm no actually... Serves 1.
I ate it and immediately felt like I was getting a migraine. I felt so crook.
I cranked up the System of a Down "Sugar" on my car stez & belted the steering wheel while yelling at myself so being so friggin weak. What a dickhead I am? Stupid Stupid Stupid
Why did I do that?
I HAVE signed up to do Round Three of the 12wbt.
I really want to knuckle down & kick some arse again.
I'm just feeling SOOOOO tired & run-down.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

"Friends" - Flight of the Conchords

You were nothing before you met me. You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout Cookie - "HEATHERS"


Today I want to chat about friends and friendship.
What is a friend?

According to the Oxford Dictionary:-
 * a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations
* a person who is not an enemy or opponent; an ally
* a familiar or helpful thing
* a contact on a social networking website

I have lots of different sorts of friends.

Friends who I have known for years. These people know all my dirty little secrets (no I'm not telling) and I know a few of theirs. Sometimes we will go months, sometimes even YEARS without seeing eachother but when we do see eachother it's like we've never been apart. We may have moved away from eachother either in our locations or apart in our lifestyles. But we will always have the bonds that joined us in the first place. Our lives have changed. We've moved onto different things. We might hang with different crowds but they will always be in my heart. Whenever I think of them I smile.

* Friends I've recently met: Over the last couple of years I have been fortunate to meet a bunch of people who I've just 'clicked' with. The common characteristics of these people are a wicked sense of humour, incredibly caring personalties and the ability to make me laugh like loon. These people are the best therapy as just spending a small amount of time with them does wonderful things to my soul.

* Friends that I've never met:  As a rampant blogger & blog reader I have had the fortune of 'meeting' some totally amazing people on-line. Say what you will about social media but if it weren't for Facebook & the internet I would have never gotten to know these fabulous people. Via the world wide web I have shared their journeys (& they mine). Ups & Downs. Good times & Shit Times.
Some of them I have been chatting to for years & years. Some live in Australia & some overseas. Some of these people I have formed very close friendships with.  I wish I were rich so I could surprise them one day with a visit. I wish some lived closer so I could rush over to them & give them a big hug when they are down. (you know who you are).  I am so thankful to sites like Facebook and MySpace (back when) & places like the Weight Watchers Forums for allowing me to connect with all these awesome people.

I guess when it comes down to tin-tacks my idea of a friend isn't someone who knows EVERYTHING about you.  You don't need to see eachother all the time or call eachother or text eachother all the time.  I think a true friend is a person who, when you are with them or in contact with them makes you feel safe & happy.  You can just relax & be yourself. Warts n all.
A true friend is someone who understands that you're not perfect but still wants to hang out with you anyway.

I know that I am FAR from being the ideal friend. I'm a lazy shit. Oh I want to call people. I want to catch up for coffee & cake but I hardly ever do. Not because I dont' want to see you or talk to you. It's not because I don't love you to absolute pieces. I'm just bloody useless. 
I can be pretty selfish & self-absorbed. I am one of those idiots who never knows what to say in a bad situation. "There There" and an awkward hug is what you will usually get.
So why would you want to be my friend then? 
Hmmmm not sure. 
I will try to make you laugh as much as I can.  If you REALLY need someone to help you & or to talk to I WILL drop everything (as soon as this episode of Scrubs is over) and be there for you.
I will try to lift your spirits and bring positivity to you.
I will post pictures of pugs in hats & sarcastic someecards on your wall if you are feeling down.
I will hug you if you want one but I'll probably grope you on the arse too.
I can't promise I will be your BESTIE but I will try to be the best friend I can be.

Thank you to all of my FRIENDS. Past Present & Future. You make me feel so rad in your own ways.  If I could I would jump in my car & come & have a cuppa with all of you (you supply the Kingston bickies).