Monday, July 29, 2013

When I meet a man, I ask myself "Is this the Man I Want My Children to spend their Weekends With?" - Rita Rudner

So yesterday was a big day of The Implant.
I was a wee bit apprehensive this time because my girlie bits still felt like someone had taken to my uterus with a jack hammer and I was a bit ouchy still.
we are the picture of calm
Soon enough, after reading at least one dozen Women's Health Magazines in the waiting room, it was time to go in & get jiggy wid it.
I was so glad TBF was there with me to hold my hand and make me laugh. While having the implant isn't as icky as the egg retrieval, it's not exactly as pleasant as say, having a hot oil massage by Tom Hardy. 

TBF & I had agreed that to get us 'in the mood' we would play some sexy lovin' music and as Dr Smith was getting ready we cranked up some Barry White.
We had to put a stop to his deep baritone singing pretty quick though, as I couldn't stop laughing which didn't help the doc keep a steady hand and the laughing was hurting my girlie parts. I was thinking of changing the song to "Slow Hand" by the Pointer Sisters but decided against it.
The nurse suggested that she could put on the CD of Enya they have in the player. I looked at her like I was going to stab her in the face with the speculum if she pressed play so she quickly retreated away.

After only about a minute Dr Smith was ready to implant the little sucker.
A quick parry & thrust that felt like he was spearing a pig on the spit with a barbeque fork and it was stuck into my uterus like splinter stuck in a thumb.
(it actually doesn't REALLY hurt THAT much. I tend to exaggerate. What? Noooooo)
Then, that was it... all done.

I felt pretty good.  A bit crampy & tired. The nurse told me that the progesterone pessaries make you feel very tired & washed out. Yep. I thought. That's how I feel. Bloddy washed out.
But happy & hopeful.

I shall name him Sticky.
I drove home & quickly changed into my daggiest most slovenly pair of trackie daks & the most comfortable rank T-shirt I owned, scrubbed the slap off my face and hunkered down into my minky blankie with a noice hot cup o tea and my book. Next thing I woke up at 5pm.
"Hay Monkey!". I called to TBF
"Yes Light of my Being?" he yelled back
"I've got an embryo in me gutz".
"We sure do". he replied "We sure do".
I would NOT make a good porn star.
Now we wait until the 12th August to have a blood test to find out if it has taken & we are pregnant.
Don't get too excited. Even if we are preggers that is NO guarantee that it will work.
Deep Breaths.

Luckily I have lots to keep me occupied.

This weekend is GREAZEFEST!! Only the biggest event on the vintage clothing rockabilly music calendar year. MASSIVE. Friday night. Saturday. Saturday night & Sunday.


I will also be strutting my stuff on the catwalk on Saturday in the fashion parade, modelling the awesome brand of Freddies of Pinewood for the brilliant western wear company Western Wac.
Oooooooo so exciting!!! I can't wait to catch up with all my friends from near & far and listen to freaking awesome music including one of my all-time favourite bands from the US called The Palladins. Last time I saw them was about 15 years ago!!! (showin' my age now!).
Naturally, I will be taking 500 million photos & doing a super duper blog about my rockin' & rollin with all the cool kats & kittens.
I shall be channelling Joan Holloway from Mad Men one night (bit more a 1960s style), Patsy Cline one other night, tough motorcycle broad & by Sunday when I'll be knackered it'll be the fuck-it-whatever-is-comfortable look. Yes I will still be taking it easy and sitting as much as possible.
(note- for my non-rockabilly readers this is incredibly hard at gigs as I just want to get up & dance all night)

Thanks everyone for your wonderful words of prayer & hope & well wishes.
I loves ya all.
If I could give you all a big slightly creepy lingering hug I would.

This is literally a picture of the embryo that was implanted. It is only about 1 MILLIMETRE round.
Fucking incredible isn't it!!
It looks a bit like an Oreo or a coffee stain.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

So on Wednesday TBF & I went into the big house for our big stabby jabbies.



I wasn't feeling really nervous at all except for the biT about getting the drip thing in my arm. Yuck.
Luckily my anesthesiologist was lovely (he'd want to be for the amount of moola he must make in a day... crikey!)  As I was wheeled into the theatre all the nurses were friendly & chatty making me feel at ease. I made a comment to Dr Smith that it was good they didn't bring out the cling wrap like Dexter until after I'm asleep.  Only one nurse got the reference & I'm not sure if her gasp was one of laughter or disgust. After getting me to sign my life away they pushed the plunger down & I was off to the land of marshmallows & pixies.

Just lie still Mz Vicki & I'll have those eggs out in a jiffy.
When I awoke I was in the 'recovery' ward in what may be the most comfortable recliner chair in the universe. The nurse saw me begrudgingly open my eyes and mumble "Muopyyogduyssuouuo".
All I could think was "give me more of that fabulous stuff in the drip. I'm sooooooooo relaxed and I feel fuzzy."
Apparently, TBF walked in after his op & I slurred at him loudly " Zairrrrr he ifffs...... Da Big Felllasssssss. Zzzzzzzzzzz"
Pretty soon I was awake & scoffing down some incredibly tasteless sandwiches, the best cup of tea ever and an OJ. Then the wonder drugs wore off & the mega pain began.
"Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk" I exclaimed in a not very ladylike fashion "Jeeez I feel like I've been farking garroted by a rusty melon baller!!  Oooooo my poor prumpets...  Moannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
They quickly gave me shitloads Panadene Forte & I was sent on my way.
(probably so they didn't have to listen to my whining anymore)
We headed to the comfort of home, but not before stopping in and devouring a huge Big Dad's special Pie with the ferocity of a starving hyena eating a lame zebra. Disgusting really but I was ravenous.
Mmmmmm fark Mmmmmm
Yesterday we got the phone call from the clinic that out of the out of the eight eggs... five were OK.
Then out of those five TWO of them have fertilised !!!!!
This is great news as you would know it only takes ONE of those little suckers to make a baby.
Tomorrow on Saturday we will get another phone call to update us on the progress of the little cells.
By tomorrow they should have split into 8 cells.
All going well we will have one to implant on Monday & hopefully maybe have one to wack in the freezer incase this doesn't work or if we are silly enough to want more..
In the meantime, I am still sore, crampy & tired and walking like I've been riding an all terrain mountain bike without the seat.
I'll be taking it easy this weekend with lots of sitting, lying down & kicking back.
Mummsy is coming to stay to take care of me.
Have a great weekend everyone and thanks again for all your well-wishes.
We can only keep our fingers crossed.

Monday, July 22, 2013

The First few weeks of Weight Watchers, you're just finding your Feet - Jimmy Carr

On Sunday TBF & I were up at sparrows to get down to the Jetty2Jetty fun run at Woody Point.
We were there bright n early to help my sister in-law & her hubby set up their tent.
They run On The Pulse Physio at Margate. I'm not being biased but they are totally awesome.
We arrived at 6.15am and holy bloody stone the crows sweet Fanny Albright it was freeeeeezing.
It didn't take long to warm up though & pretty soon the area was pulsating with the adrenaline of thousands of runners, the smell of deep heat & B.O and the annoying doof-doof beats of Ministry of Sound Running Trax.

At long last it was time for me to step up & do the 5km.  Most of the WW crew were doing the 10km (those fit motivated buggers) so I started off with the in-laws. I told them that because I was walking it that they should go on without me & at the blast of the horn they were off like a rocket.
The Jetty2Jetty course is lovely. It goes along the Redcliffe foreshore and the weather was glorious!

I brisk walked the first 500 metres and then suddenly I was filled with a very strange feeling.
"What the heck?!" I pondered "OMG are my ovaries might be going to burst or maybe I am going to have diarrhea and poo everywhere!!!"
Then I realised what this foreign sensation was.....
I WANTED to jog?
I wanted to JOG!!
Well cover me in hundreds & thousands and call me pretty!
So off I went. "I'll just jog a little bit. I don't want to overheat my loins"
Strangely I found that I could actually jog for about 5 minutes without a break.
So I jogged/walked humming "Deceptacon by Le Tigre" as I smiled to myself in the warm sun.
As I crossed the finish line I realised that I WANTED TO KEEP GOING!!!???
If I wasn't 'with follicles' I feel that I could have done the 10km.
I was no where near as stuffed as previous runs that I've done.
Oh I was bright red but I turn bright red even after a particularly energetic egg whisking at breakfast.

It was a great day. The only bugger was that I had ordered Weight Matters Team T-shirts from Zazzle and even though it says delivery in 5-12 business days I am STILL fucking waiting. Of course, they don't have a phone number you can ring only a Customer Enquiry Email Form. I finally received a response from them. Partly saying:

Unfortunately, we don't have any more information regarding your shipment at this time. International deliveries are handled by a minimum of two different shipping services, and it is impossible to trace their exact whereabouts in transit. In rare cases, we have seen international packages take as many as six full weeks to reach their destination. It may seem like a long time to wait, but we are required to give the courier a substantial amount of time before we can pursue the matter as a lost international shipment.

Thankfully, the people who ordered a shirts from me were very understanding. Me??....Not happy Jan. F
reaking typical that I try to do something nice and create a TEAM and it goes arse up. *pouts*
At least me managed to get some group pics of the gang before the race.

I ended up finishing the race in 45.09 minutes which I'm pretty happy with. I thought it would take me over an hour.

I had my second internal scan yesterday & it turns out my follicles have multiplied and I now have EIGHT eggs. Dr Smith says that my uterus is looking nice & plump and the eggs look good.


He asked if I had any cramping and when I answered Yes a bit he responded Gooood Goooood.
(Dr Smith doesn't want any pictures of him on my blog so I will just put this photo up to give you an indication of what he looks like. It's almost IDENTICAL. )
Last night I had my final injections of Gonal & Cetrotide & also another one which is my TRIGGER (it induces ovulation). I preferred to imagine that TBF was injecting me with Adamantium.
(Adamantium is a very dense, artificial, iron-based alloy that is virtually indestructible. A sufficient amount is capable of surviving multiple nuclear explosions with no damage - It is the stuff that was injected into Wolverine).

TBF & I are booked in to go into hospital tomorrow.
I will have my eight eggs harvested. I just imagine a doctor wearing a pair of denim overalls & a big straw hat coming in with a large scythe or sickle and announced "Ok yawl let's open them thar legs and gets ta choppin' Yeee harrrr". I am under anaesthetic thankfully. I LOVE going under. I don't get nauseous afterwards. I actually feel AWESOME afterwards like I have had the BEST sleep EVER.
TBF has to get a TESA (Testicular Sperm Aspiration ) which is under local anesthetic.
Hopefully they will get some good strong spermy from his goolies.
I am having tomorrow & Thursday off work and have been instructed to TAKE IT THE HELL EASY by Dr Smith. Afterwards it feels like bad period pain but luckily I can take Nurofen for it.

I will probably kick back & watch some uplifting happy movies that are on my MUST SEE list.... like
Oranges & Sunshine, Snowtown and The Lives of Others
OR I will just watch the Complete box set of Scrubs AGAIN.

Then we wait for 5 days and hopefully the little cungee-boys will have sweet sexy times with TBFs swimmers and they will create an embryo.

If so I will be implanted on Monday.



Thank you EVERYBODY for your thoughts & body parts crossing for us. We really appreciate it.
If we are successful we will be so happy. 
If it turns out we can't have a baby.... well yes it will be total shit...... but we will be OK knowing we have not only each other  but stacks of fucking awesome friends and family to keep us company instead.
See ya on the flip-side

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

It's a Big Thing when you Look into It.

Today I had my scan with Dr SMITH (name changed to protect the warm of hands).
I started my needles in the guts on Saturday night. It feels a wee bit more stingy this time.
I'd like to think it's because I'm so much more svelte than last time and I only have 10cm of belly fat to penetrate instead of 20cm.  It's so romantic when TBF grabs a nice big handful of tummy lard before injecting me with enough hormones to literally grow tits on a bull.
It's even more sexy when he gets that serial killer homicidal maniac look on his face just before he injects me.
The Gonal F that is injected is a hormone that makes me grow multiple eggs instead of the boring normal ONE egg  that I would naturally produce. This flood of hormones has the most awesome affect on my body (insert sarcastic font). Bloating, Tiredness, Crampiness, a feeling like when I get a stitch in my side after sprinting 10 metres across a bindie patch, Whinginess and a general feeling of Can't-Be-Stuffedness. (hmmmmm this sounds a bit like my normal self now I come to think of it)
My scan today was to check to make sure my follicles are plumping up they way they should be.
Without even buying me dinner first (!) Dr SMITH (I told him that I am blogging about him & told him I would change his name) proceeded to 'invade my personal space'. While this procedure doesn't really HURT it's not the most comfortable thing. It turns out I have FIVE eggs developing noicely and I apparently have a VERY good looking uterus.
This may very well be the nicest thing anyone has said to me. 
He was very positive about today's showing & made the comment "Whenever I put it in you we get a positive result".
To which I replied "I wish my husband could say that! BOOM BOOM!! HA harrr"
Cue: tumbleweeds & one very embarrassed Obstetrician
Don't you wish your uterus was hot like mine?
As of tonight, in addition to the Gonal F we had to also do injections of a thing called Cetrotide which stops my body ovulating. You can only imagine how awesome this makes a girl feel!
All going well egg pick up & tesa will be next Wednesday.
I've got WW weigh in tonight. I have NO idea how I am going to go seeing how my nether regions are laden with follicles (they are only 1.2mm wide & yet seem to weigh about 3kg each!).
I have been quite a good girl this week with my food. I DID eat a packet of Darryl Lee choc coated peanuts yesterday though (my follicles were craving sugar dammit!).... but besides that.
I've been doing lots of walking & actually, on Tuesday,  instead of catching a bus or a taxi, I walked from the city centre to my work. It took me about an hour. (note: I'd already walked for half an hour in the morning) I've realised that when it comes to exercise...
I love it. I feel so good being out in the fresh air.
When I walked back from the city I felt like I could just keep on walking for another hour more!
I'm not too worried about the scales at the moment.
I'm just focused on eating CLEAN & MOVING & BEING HEALTHY
note: we are NOT counting our follicles before they're hatched!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on my Way - Carl Sandburg

GAIN OF 1 kg this week. Not unexpected.
Aunty Flo decided to once again curse me by filling  my reproductive organs with some sort of evil cement.
I didn't whimper & curse this week. I accepted my gain with a calmness to rival the Dali Lama on Temazepam. Ommmmmmmm. bloody stupid menstruate Ommmmmm bloaty guts gives me the irrits Ommmmmmm

The arrival of the Aunty means that we can FINALLY start IVF!
This afternoon I am off to City Fertility to pick up my stabby tummy jabby kits and to get

THE PLAN gives a day by day break down on what day I'm getting what inserted, stabbed, harpooned, injected, harvested, imbedded, implanted, jabbed, stuck in and plugged up.
I'm very excited. I just LOVE a plan. I love marking it on my calendar (at work, at home and on my phone) and knowing 'where I'm at".
Yes yes I am quite obsessed about lists & planning.
Today I wrote DAY ONE on the calendar..... IN RED..... NIKO.

Doing IVF this time feels very different to the previous goes. I think each round you do is different from the last. I've learnt from the last ones. I WILL NOT be downloading pregnancy apps, surfing pregnancy sites, flicking through Cleo pregnancy magazine, reading What to Expect When You're Expecting and I certainly WILL NOT be watching the movie. (mainly because it looks like crap and has Jay-Lo in it).
I will not consider myself TRUELY pregnant until (fingers crossed) I get up the duff & make it to the 12 week scan.

At WW last night we talked about setting GOALS. My main goal is simply to MOVE. Get my lily white cottage cheese arse up off the chair and MOVE.
My iddy-bitty fit bit zippy is so great with motivating me to move more and thank heavens the rain stopped & the sun came out so I could go for a walk!

Last night, we also had to write down a PLEDGE that we have to stick to for the next 2 months.
Now, because I am about to IVF & my body will be like a shanty hut being hit by a hormonal tsunami, I decided NOT to pledge that I will take up running, parkour or competitive MMA.
For the next 2 months I have to CHILL THE HELL OUT.

Yes, go for noice little saunters down the waterfront, yes watch my food intake, yes track the shit out of my food and be healthy BUT my main focus will be to

Tomorrow we are off to Oakey to see Dad & then to the Woombi to visit Mummsy.
Sunday I plan on doing the food shopping, the clothes washing & watching a movie and dagging out around the house.
See, nice & relaxing.
Oh and also having nightly injections into me guts.
Happy Times
I hope you all have a great weekend!

Sunday, July 7, 2013


Friday night TBF & I & our mate Tom headed out to a relatively new venue in Brissy called "Lefty's Old Time Music Hall" to see one of our favourite rockabilly bands "West Texas Crude" play.
As soon as we entered we immediately gasped & breathed out"Oh yeahhhhhhhh now THIS is what we're talking ABOUT!".

The place looks like a mix between an old wild west saloon bordello house & a 1920's speakeasy club. Very dark mood chandelier lighting. Dark wood. Dark red leather lounges and lots of taxidermy animals. Yes, bears, lyre birds, deer, moose and one very very scary looking baboon (called Keith apparently). This sort of theme could have quite easily come across as being stupid kitsch but it really doesn't. It is done really well and tastefully.

I don't' drink anymore which is kind of a shame because it's the kind of place that just makes you want to drink whiskey (neat), red wine or rum or tequila.

It was PACKED. Luckily we pounced on a table and settled in to people watch. A real mix of people filled the bar. Suited business men, straight from the pages of Marie Claire trendy women, skinny jean wearing 1980s flock of seagulls hair cut hipsters, a few of us rockers and to my delight a plethora of bearded men. My hair was on end from the static electricity generated by all the skinny jeans rubbing together! I was super surprised & delighted when my vintage style goddess friend Mz Lisa from Atomic Martini Vintage arrived wearing the most amazing black velvet & mink wiggle dress!

As an ex-bar wench I am always scathing in my review of bar staff. Behind Lefty's bar is a brood of hot-dang attractive young men with the right amount of facial hair to tick my beardy lovin' boxes.
The clientele were served quickly ALL NIGHT. I loved that these bar men actually served more than one person at a time (a pet peeve of mine), were fast & super friendly.. I loved that serviettes were placed under the drinks, the glassware was fabulous (none of that el-cheapo shit) and I thought the drinks reasonably priced.

Being a good Weight Watchers gal I didn't eat (not even a chip!) but TBF & Tom tried out the menu. Deep Fried Onion Rings (with BACON FLAVOURED MAYO!) , hot chips and Jerk chicken Po'boys. The lads said it was alright & definitely put a nice greasy lining on their stomach. You could also help yourself to FREE POPCORN. Again, I was a good girl & declined but was told it was very very salty (obviously to keep the punters drinking).  Food is filling, tasty but basic and cheap.

Finally, West Texas Crude came on and proceeded to blow everyone away (as usual) with 3 awesome sets of rockabilly and country classics. Even though I've been listening to Mr Dashwood sing for years now I really think that his voice is just getting better & better. I had to admit to Mrs Dashwood that my-oh-my her husband does scrub up ever very nicely in a suit.
Mr Dashwood

The best part of the night for me was watching the 'normal' folk listen to WTC & frankly lose their shit. The crowd was LOVING IT!
There isn't any dance floor but a couple of us managed to still tear it up a bit up the front.
A lovely young lady came up to me later in the night & whispered to me that we had made her night watching us dance.
I think the highlight for the crowd was "Ghost riders in the Sky".Everyone was singing along. It was so cool.
I also LOVED that the music played inbetween sets was fantastic. Original bluegrass, old country and western swing.
TBF & I jump up when Wayne Hancock started playing!

My only peeves were later in the night around 10pm a group of young drunken lads came in (one who looked just like a 12 year Michael Cera) and were floppin' around everywhere and bumping into people, yelling at the band & basically being dickheads. There's not a lot of room to move in Lefty's & I was ready to let fly if one of those wankers were to spill his beer on my 1940s rayon frock or my friend's mink coat!

The other low light of the night was when we got back to our car we had copped a $110 parking fine!
Bugger! Dammit Residential parking only! Shit!

All in all though it was a great night.
I would definitely go back to Lefty's again. I really really hope that they stick with the theme & don't sway from it because I think that it would wreck the uniqueness of the place.
I wouldn't say it is a place to go for dinner but it is a very cool place to go for drinks.

I could visualise a bunch of fellas in suits & fedoras with some lovely ladies in fur coats & gloves sitting in the booths with a violin case at their feet.
Or a dust covered cowboy sitting at the bar watching the saloon floozy descend the steps.

Lefty's Old Time Music Hall

15 Caxton Street

Petrie Terrace, QLD 4000

Opening Hours

Wed 5:00 PM-3:00 AM
Thur 5:00 PM-3:00 AM
Fri 5:00 PM-3:00 AM
Sat 5:00 PM-3:00 AM

Thursday, July 4, 2013

"If she weighs the same as a duck... she's made of wood... (and therefore) a witch!" - Monty Python

In keeping with my bizarre weight fluctuations last night I lost.
And boy did I lose!
2.2kg !!!!

CRIKEY! That's brings me down to the lowest I've been in about 5 years. Since I met my husband and starting letting myself go LOL. I am only 600g off my 5%.

How did I do it?


This weekend may be a test though.

Tonight we are going to see one of my favourite rockabilly bands 'West Texas Crude" play at a new venue called "Lefty's Old Time Music Hall" at Caxton Street. The venue used to be a strip club but now is made over to look like an old time honky tonk saloon with chandeliers, dark red velvet curtains, dark wood & taxidermy animals.. yes stuffed animals. (even a chimpanzee I've read)
We are going to be having dinner there. It's an American menu. Po' Boys of Chicken Jerk or Catfish, Corn Dogs, Onion Rings and Popcorn Shrimp. 
Did I mention the club has FREE popcorn! I don't think the popcorn is going to be non-buttered healthy popcorn.
Me thinks it is going to be very hard to stick to my PP. I'll try not to go too crazy.
I'll be sure to take lots of photos & blog about it on Monday.

On Sunday we are going to have a picnic in the park with some friends who we haven't seen in AGES & their little 3 year old . We can't wait. I've heard the weather is going to be lovely.
I have planned ahead for this & will be having bbq'd chicken breast & salad and fruit.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
Be Safe. Get Moving'.


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine. - - Rita Rudner

In my desperate attempt to be all modern 'n' shit I have gone and bought myself a Fit Bit Zip.
"What the bloody hell is a Fit Bit Zip?" I hear you scream.
Basically, a fancy schamancy pedometer.

The main difference is that with this thingy you don't put any information into the actual pedometer.
You enter all your information into their website after creating an online profile (sort of like on the Weight Watchers community site). Then you download the app onto your phone.
Then almost like some sort of demonic witchcraft magic the little zippy thing wireless 'talks' to your computer & phone & automatically tells it how many steps you've done and how many calories you've burnt.

My favourite thing is that I sends you little badges & awards when you reach certain goals AND it has fabulously colourful graph things to show you how you are going.
Am I a sucker for shit like this? You bet your sweet fancy all bright I am!
You can also enter into the website your food intake and it will calculate your calories. It's sort of like My Fitness Pal.  The downside to this part of the page is that it is American and doesn't recognise pretty much ANY of the foods I tried to enter. I think that is pretty shit. I doesn't really worry me though because I will just continue to use the WW food tracker.
The other thing about the FBZ that is niggling me is the Calories Burnt calculator.
eg:  so far today (1pm) I have walked 5904 steps . I double checked the accuracy of this & it is pretty spot on. According to the FBZ I have burned 1280 calories! I find that number a bit hard to believe.
I mean I've done spin classes where I thought I was literally going to DIE and only burned 420 calories. Hmmmmm I will have to investigate this matter further.

But, the main reason I got it is to track how many steps I take in a day.
I can honestly say that having this teeny-tiny thing (and it IS TINY) on my hip really really is motivating me to move more!
Last night I was on the phone to my brother for an hour and the whole time I walked up & down our hallway! Harvey the Evil Pookah cat was looking at me as if to say "Yep she has finally gone completely crackers!"
I wore it right up until I got into bed. I walked 7766 steps. Awesome. And YES I woke up today with a goal to beat that.
I got my FBZ from Harvey Norman for $64.
This is the website if you want to suss it out:

Tonight is weigh-in night. Now. According to my side-show freak body tonight is MEGA LOSS night. I am quietly confident. I have had a good week. I have tracked EVERYTHING.
I went over my 49 extra points by 1 and used all my 17 activity points.

The only BAD thing of note was the sad knowledge that
14 bits of sushi (and not even the deep fried shit) = 47 PP !!!!
YIKES that was a big chunk just for lunch on Saturday. 
Mind you I would rather blow 47PP on sushi then on something like KFC or Maccas.
At least it was a healthy 47PP.

I'm feeling good. Positive. A bit less stressed.
I'm itching to just get this whole IVF caper underway.
Deep Calming Breaths Vicki.  Deep Calming Breaths.


I hope you are all having a great week.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

“It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.” - Homer Simpson

I was on the phone to my Mummsy on the weekend discussing my mystery anxiety.
I was hoping that maybe the intense feelings of butterflies in my gut were just something as simple as me having intestinal worms or a side effect of my metabolism suddenly becoming like a hyperactive grey hound.
Mummsy is a social worker and blitzed her uni degree by using her own children as Case Study A, B & C. (names changed to protect the not so innocent) She's a very good listener & likes to put on her "lie down on the couch and tell me more" face.
I chatted through my usual stresses, IVF, shit Finances, fluctuating weight, should I buy ANOTHER Kate Moss red lipstick (it's pink red with a dash of coral not red red like the others Dammit!) and my episodes of depression.

"Narrrrrr Mummsy" I whined "I'm totes cool with all that stuff. I mean I'm a bit stressEE but not insomnia stressed".
"Hmmmmmm" Mummsy responded wisely.

Then it hit me. The light bulb came on. The elevator finally went to the top floor & I was suddenly playing with a full deck.
"I know what it is Mummsy". I declared.
"Hmmmmm?" Mummsy answered in calming tones.

"O...M....G I am terrified that we actually might just succeed in IVF this round. Bloody hell. What if I actually DO GET PREGNANT!!!"

Now I know what your thinking... Well derrr Vicki. The whole point of IVF is getting preggers!
I guess I never occurred to allow it into my consciousness what would happen if we succeed.

I only have a few worries.
1.  What if I swell up like a dead dugong?
2.  What if my whole vagina falls out and they have to poke it back in with a stick?
3. What if we have a hideously ugly baby?
4. What if I get post natal depression & leave the baby to survive on Friskies cat crunchies?
5. How the hell do you bath a baby?
6.  What if the baby screams for 3 years non stop?
7.  What if I get overloaded with the amount of clothing choices for the baby in Best N Less & I just end up dressing it in the same outfit for the first 2 years of it's life & it ends up with serious identity issues and becomes a serial killer?
8.  What if the child grows up to be a total arsehole? (like me when I was a teen *shudder*) or like that Honey-Boo-Boo monstrosity ?
9.  What if my pelvic floor collapses & I have to wear an adult diaper for the rest of my life because I keep pooing myself.
10.  What if I just can't cope & it causes fighting between TBF & I and he leaves me for a super model and goes to live in America and I'm left alone with a screaming child and no energy to even put a bandanna in my hair?!
11.  How the fuck do you afford to have a baby????
12.  What if I can't cope with baby vomit, poo & snot & I continually vomit over the child in disgust.

After venting the above completely rational fears to Mummsy, I felt the weight of anxiety leave me.
I exhaled. I felt MUCH better. I realised that I will be fine.  I have a huge support of family & friends who will help me.  TBF is way too disorganised and apathetic to leave me for some model and when in doubt I can always rely on Pinterest to show me the way.

"Thank you SO much Mummsy. I love you. You are the BEST!" I hollered down the phone.

"Hmmmmmmm" Mummsy replied lovingly.