Tuesday, February 26, 2013

17. Sylvia (2004)

As a person with Bipolar I'm always intrigued by movies that deal with the subject of mental illness.
I must admit that up until about two weeks ago I'd never even heard of Sylvia Plath. I was on Pinterest surfing the net for new & interesting shit when I came upon some poetry quotes.
These short poems really moved and spoke to me and I was surprised to learn that they all were written by Mz Plath.  This prompted me to investigate more about this writer which in turn lead me to this movie. 
I'm not a big Gweneth Paltrow fan but she does a great job in this film. Daniel Craig is pretty good too. It's a slow movie but if you are interested in the live of Sylvia Plath I think you will find it interesting.
I wish they would have included more of her actually poetry which is very dark and lovely.
It's sad that alot of the most incredible minds usually suffer for it. It's ironic that such a creative woman was driven mad by the demons of her mind and yet it was in this depression that her best work came about.
"I took a breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am.  I am."

Sunday, February 24, 2013

If she were a President she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln

Whoa what a weekend. I'm so freaking exhausted from so much taking it easy. Phew!
Being the utter champion I am I began my weekend by participating in the weekend Parkrun at Sandgate.  This was my third Parkrun. Upon finishing this week's 5km run I had what you might call an epiphany. As I crossed the finish line & collapsed onto the ground in the shade gasping & sobbing it became clear to me that I AM NOT A RUNNER. Not only am I not a runner but I fucking hate running. If it were not for the incredible Lyndall who had promised herself to jog the whole thing, the organisers would STILL be waiting for me to cross the line. Lyndall is amazing and is totally commited to the MB12wbt. I stuck with her as long as I could but my dodgy thighs & feet had other plans. Doing the 12wbt SSS (super Saturday session) were a bunch of chicky-babes right near the parkrun track. I'm going to join them from now on. At least I know that while I am dying I will also be laughing like a looney.
Lyndall ... what a bloody champion!



Saturday arvo was a lovely time spent with friends having a BBQ, eating bad stuff, reviewing movies and talking about random shit.
I went WAYYYYYYYYYY over my WW points thanks to Trish's brownies that I believe may contain illegal substances because it is impossible to only have one. I'm not stressed though... back on track today.

Sunday we hit The Pig n Whistle pub to watch UFC157. I LURVE UFC.
This round was one of the first main events to feature women fighters. It was unreal.
Jesus these chicks are freaking MEAN. And FIT. OMG They are beyond FIT.
It was a great fight and it totally made me want to take up boxing training.

Not take up actual boxing as I am WAY too much of a princess to either punch an actual person and I am sure I would squeal like Ned Flanders if I even got so much as a tap! But boxing TRAINING looks good. All that belting the shit out of a bag. Hmmmmm
I know this might sound a big weird but I thought it was so great to see a super hot chick busting the stereotypes by being a total hornbag but a complete HARDARSE in the ring.
Rousey is my new girl crush.

16. Beasts Of The Southern Wild - (2012)

I didn't know ANYTHING about the plot of this film.  I had only read alot of reviews. Just about all of them said that this movie was highly recommended... Poignant was a word thrown around.

It starts off pretty good and the little girl Hushpuppy is a really good little actress but I found myself holding in there waiting for something to happen. I did enjoy Hushpuppy's narrations but I found the movie itself a bit of a non-event. It was kind of an interesting insight into the lifestyle of the people who live in The Bathtub which is a town on the bayou near New Orleans. I can't believe people actually seem to LOVE living like this. It's funny... on one hand little Hushpuppy is really neglected & lives a horrible life surrounded by poverty & boarderline starvation with only adults being moonshine alcoholics and yet everybody seems pretty bloody happy living like that.

At first I liked the big pig-buffalo things (the imaginary creatures that are coming to destroy everything) but in the end they were just silly.

It was really disjointed and frankly bloody weird.
I don't see what all the fuss was about.


Thursday, February 21, 2013

We tease him a lot cause we've got him on the spot, welcome back welcome back welcome back

The other day I logged on for the first time in quite some time onto the Weight Watchers community pages for a squizz. Before doing the MB12WBT I did WW.  As a matter of a fact I'm a dubba-ewe dubba-ewe junkie from WAY back when.
I first joined up with the Ws when I was 20. I weighed about 100kg. I loathed myself. By the time I was 21 I had lost about 35kg. Back then the plan was to eat so many proteins, carbs, fats etc a day.
I really really loved WW & the support network it provides.  Over the years I have lost & gained lost & frickin gained. I ALWAYS end up back at WW. I know that it works.

Don't get me wrong people. I totally LURVE the MB12wbt programme. It flickin ROCKS!
But after visiting the WW site I couldn't stop thinking about the programme and in particular how much I missed all the amazing zany funny (slightly disturbed) people in the WW community.
I felt myself being drawn back into this world like Spock being beamed up to the Enterprise.
I think the cincher was discovering that Toni Wood is the leader now at Northlakes meetings.
Who is this Toni Wood?
WELL...... only one of most inspiring amazing gorgeous women like totally EVER.
Oh and I might mention that she was the WW 2011 QLD Healthy Life Awards Finalist.
You can read more about Toni here:   http://www.weightwatchers.com.au/success

So, yesterday I signed up to do WW Unlimited. I immediately felt good. Like I had been wrapped in a leopard print Snuggie from Demtel fresh from the dryer. Arrrrrr It's good to be home. Pass the Jarrah Hot Choc drink. I was totally expecting TBF to dramatically smack his forehead & exclaim "Jesus Wept Woman! Will you make up your flippin mind! If it's not one thing it's a bloody nutha!"
Instead, bless his hairy face, he smiled and said "Oh Ok no worries then. Did you listen to the podcast about What Nutmeg Does today?"... He's so awesome. (my next blog will be all about TBF & the influence he has had on my life and weight losses & gains)

The last time I was doing WW I lost 7kg but stopped going to meetings, frankly because the leader was a complete deadshit with the personality of a wet sock filled with rocks.
It was also hard for me to sick to the programme because of my raging alcoholism. It's hard to stay in your points when you are knocking back 3-4 bottles of the grape each week.
Now I am a boring soberette, I think I will find it alot easier. I have also learnt heaps & heaps from doing the 12wbt especially when it comes to exercise and eating CLEAN.
So now you lucky things, you will get to read all about Pro-Points.
If you are into things like watching soil erosion and reading about the annual molting habits of the Hungarian albino sloth then my blog is for you.
Fucking rivetting stuff.

Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.
Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.
Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
Here where we need ya
We tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.


Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Money Can't buy you Happiness but it does Bring you a more Pleasant form of Misery.- Spike Milligan

As I stumble down the path of my life I quite often step on a patch of bindies.
Even though I come across as being a total vintage glamour queen of outstanding comedic & craft skills, it may horrify you to know that I actually have a rather low self-esteem.
I have this pathetic habit of COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS.
In the outer realms of my soggy grey matter I am bitterly aware that this is utterly ridiculous and that everybody is unique and has their own shit going on.
Too often I look at the goings-on of you crazy kids on Flakebook and think silly silly things like
Why can't I have rooms filled with awesome vintage frocks?
Why can't I travel all over the place & go to all this awesome events?
Why can't I be filled with super human motivation when it comes to exercise?
Why can't I look freakin glamourous all the time?
Why can't I be fit & thin like her?
Look at all her amazing vintage hair barettes and bakerlite bangles.. sigh.
And so it goes on..........
This is a habit that I am working hard to break.  This whole 1950s vintage-style living thing can sometimes put alot of pressure on a girl.  I must admit that when I was with my ex I felt that I was under ALOT of pressure to wear the exactly right clothes, hair done exactly right and heaven fucking forbid I didn't own a lucite handbag. Luckily my current hubby (hahahah I sound like Zsa Zsa) loves me just the way I am (even in my Best N Less tracky daks with no makeup) and so I no longer feel inclined to be 'frocked up' all the time and have now 'let myself go' to a degree.
I look at photos of the big rockabilly festival at Ballarat and the pics of the pin-up competitions and feel like even though I want to go, I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Everybody just looks too amazing.
I remember the first time I went to Viva Las Vegas rockabilly weekender about 12 years ago.
I ascended the escalator into the main room in my modest vintage cotton frock, took one look at all the girls with their literally TOP TO TOE bull-shit rare incredible Shaheen / bakerlite/ lucite / vintage everything and ran back to my room crying.
It's very intimidating. Even for a gal who has been in 'the scene' for quite a while I can tell you that the feeling of being judged never quite leaves. 
I don't give a shit as much as I used to.
I didn't write this blog to fish for compliments. I try to make an effort when I go out and I love to wear vintage & do my hair & make up.  I don't do this to impress anyone though.
I do it because it is WHO I AM.
If you see me at a gig & it appears that I am stand offish or even a tad aloof I can reassure you that I am the most UNpretentious person in the universe.
Come & say Hi.
If I don't remember your name, I'm sorry but my brain isn't very good at retaining stuff n things sometimes.
I think that my gift to the world is my sense of humour and my honesty.
If I can make someone smile than I am happy.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I'm not a Procrastinator. I'm just Extremely Productive at Unimportant Things

I'm just going to go ahead and say it...
Yep. It's true. I've been to 3 sewing classes now and am having the best time. I think it helps that the 3 other women doing the class with me are all nutty as fruit-cakes and funny as a fit and Brenda who teaches the class is also hilarious and brilliant. It's like we are in a sewing version of Steel Magnolias (I'm Dolly Parton's character obviously, however the others would probably say I'm more like Shirley Maclaine).
The classes are now at Brenda's house which when we all rock up with our machines looks like a sweat shop. I keep expecting Brenda to come at us with a piece of bamboo screeching "Faster Faster More blouses for Katies... More More!"
Instead, she uses her attack dog Obe to guard us. Last night he AGAIN attempted to intimidate me by staring unflinching at me with his menacing eyes.
OBE. Look at those threatening eyes.
Thankfully in week 3 the Evil Doll was hidden away in the bedroom. It was rather distracting in lesson 2 to have the stoney cold eyes of pure evil staring into the back of my head. I swear I heard her whisper "Kill them with the pinking shears Vicki and I'll be your friend to the end".

SO ANYWAYS................last week my assignment was to make a pair of boxer shorts. Woohooo!
I didn't do too bad until I sewed the crotch up wrong. I had a dodgy crotch! Bloody hell hand me the quick-unpick AGAIN.
I've got a case of the dodgy crotch

My AFTER photo! Not! Just pre-elastic shot LOL

Sexy pattern. Excuse me while I fetch my Ken Done fabric.
Then it was time for Brenda to teach me how to do ELASTIC WAISTS! So exciting!!!
I was so excited that I rushed home & pulled out my fabric container. (I have a massive storage container filled with fabric I've collected over the years.) I had this border-print fabric since Jesus played full-back for Jerusalem and now I knew how to make a skirt from it so the border would stay around the bottom!!! SQUEAL!!!

The finished product. RAD!

OMG. Now that I know how to make full skirts with elastic waists I'm going to go MENTAL making them in every colour and fabric.
Last night I had another class & showed Brenda my super fantastic creation.
I was advised that it is NOT a circle skirt but a full skirt but I could tell Brenda was very very impressed with my effort. I think I'm on my way to becoming the teacher's pet.
I had to finish off my boxer shorts by hemming the legs.
The finished product was a wee bit baggy & made me look like I was about 200kg but very very comfy and the point is that I made them myself! Hmmmpfft.
I gave the gals a fashion parade of me in my fabbo boxers which impressed them all to no end.
(Jan in the background is obviously laughing WITH me)
Right. First project done.. time for the next one.
Cutesy kitchen apron. So excited.
I'll just have two things to say........

Saturday, February 16, 2013

15. Downfall (2004)

Downfall is a film about the final 10 days of the life of Adolf Hitler. The movie centres around the young lady  Traudl Junge who was his secretary. The beginning & end of the film show her 'in real life' talking about her feelings about being Hitler' personal secretary.
This is quite a long film at 2 1/2 hours but it is very intense all the way through.
I found it really really interesting.  I like to learn about events but from both sides of the fence.
Bruno Ganz who plays Hitler is fantastic as the delusional lunatic who refuses to surrender no matter who is sacrificed.
I know I've said it before but it truly astounds me that these events happened in the same era as my grandparents. Seeing the 'real'  Traudl Junge speak almost brought me to tears.
I just don't know HOW you could go on to live a normal life after living through this.  This also includes alot of the Generals that did serve time but then got out & lived until the early 2000s!
I REALLY enjoyed this film... A wee bit too long but very very good.

Friday, February 15, 2013

14. The Counterfeiters (2007)

Another film which showcases the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps. It still blows my mind that events such as these actually happened.
I wanted to see this film because I had never heard about this part of the war.
It is all about the nazi's Operation Bernhard in which they decided to secretly flood the United Kingdom with counterfeit money in order to destabilize its economy. So they enlisted experienced Jews in the camps to do this. The fact that this movie is based on actual events is amazing.
The acting is unreal. I really enjoyed the way it was filmed and the musical score.
The lead Karl Markovics is great as the professional counterfeiter who has to sacrifice his morals to stay alive. It's not an action packed movie and is slightly drawn out but it held my attention.
If you are interested in World War II history you might find this movie interesting as it lends yet another slant to an already horrific period in history.


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Happiness is waking up, looking at the clock and finding that you still have two hours left to sleep. - Charles M. Schultz

If you've been reading my blog for awhile you will know that I have The Bipolar *cue dramatic music* so I have days where I feel like someone has taken the jam out my donut.
Today is one such day. I feel like I am a bottle of Schweppes Lemonade that has been opened and left out on the bench. FLAT. My usual effervescence has lost its bubbles.
What's brought this on then eh?
Well, a couple of things. My funky serotonin brain for one. I'm tired.
It doesn't take much to emotionally wring me out. Call the friggin' wahhbulance.
Lately the whole calorie counting verses CLEAN eating thing is getting to me.
I know that I should stick to about 1200 calories a day. So I signed up with My Fitness Pal (a cracking app/website where you count calories etc). It kind of dawned on me that if I just try to eat CLEAN (by clean eating I mean eating foods that are as 'natural' as possible. Nothing from tins/jars etc. No preservatives additives etc) it is actually MORE calories BUT the food is really really healthy & good for you. For example, clean eating recommends walnuts... so I had a big handful (80g). I entered this into MFP. 560 flipping calories!!!!!!!! BUT walnuts are really really good for people with fibromyalgia. Another example is yogurt.  Clean living recommends Non-Fat Greek Yogurt but as far as calories are concerned Nestle Diet is the best. BUT ND has all sorts of shit in it like aspartame. Does my bloody head in!

The other thing on my mind is Swing Dancing. I'm just not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. Nothing to do with the teachers or anything (they are awesome). I thought I would love it but it's like I've lost my zing.  I think that I'm just too tired. I feel guilty for some reason about this. Like I'm letting the teachers down because I'm not sure I want to continue with classes.
I just want to finish work, go for a big walk along the water, do some stretches, go home, pat my dogs & have dinner, sew a bit & go to sleep with my big hairy brunky man.
As usual, if I take on too much my brain tends to go to bleedin' mush and says "Screw this I'm outta here!"
And lastly, ParkRun. I've suffered all week. My poor legs. SO SO achey & sore. I think that running is not good for me.  I feel like such a loser. A whingey whiney bitch.
I should just suck it up I know.
Sorry to post such a crapola post but I pride myself on having an HONEST blog.
In great news, I am totally LOVING sewing classes. I wish I had more than one class a week.
I'll be ok. I just need to get my head right. I need to find a good podcast to listen to when I walk.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Take my Hand. We'll make it I Swear. Livin' On a Prayer.

Whoa nelly what a huge weekend!
TBF & I sprang out of bed early (and by sprang I mean groaned, farted and rolled out) and hit the Sandgate Parkrun. I blasted about 3 minutes off my previous time. I put this down to the fact that it wasn't searing friggin heat (like last time) and I didn't eat before hand. It was actually quite mild and it rained a bit during the run which was bloody lovely. I did have a mild panic attack at the start when I realised that my ipod was flat and I would have to run without *shock horror* music. I think I did pretty good considering I only had the sound of my raspy heaving breath to keep the beat.

Later in the arvo it was time to set the hair & pile on the slap and get ready to hit
I decided to take Mummsy as my date as she's been having a bit of a rough trot.
It was so awesome for us gals to get all frocked up to the max and hit the town.
I was uber excited as it gave me an excuse to purchase a frock from Pin Up Girl Clothing that I've had my eye on for a while. Nice.
We hit the convention centre & eventually found the Plaza Ballrooom. BLOODY HELL!
Our jaws hit the floor. All sparkley lights hanging down, photobooths!!!!! , canapes, large weird glowing white ball things and photo areas. We grabbed ourselves a drink and found ourselves a spot to people perv.  HOLY SHITBALLS It was like we were at some fancy-schamsy post Oscars party or at a VIP Vogue fashion week party because everyone and I mean EVERYONE looked amazing. I ran out of adjectives after swooning "Fabulous. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Stunning" and ended up just sighing.

Mishy baby finally rocked up and the awards were handed out. The transformation of some of these people is just astounding. After the awards though, it was time to PART-AYYYYY!
The DJ kept everyone boogeying all night with a real mix of modern stuff and some older stuff.
As the night went on (& the champers flowed) the crowd totally let loose.
I was so so so happy to meet heaps of people who I chat to on facebook and a stack of you crazy loons who read my blog. Thank you so much for your kind words. It makes me so happy to think my wacky blog brings a smile to your faces. YOU ROCK!!!

I busted out some totally sick rad moves with a stack of totally awesome 12wbt peeps. Big shout-out MUST go to Belinda who was my dancing partner to all the nineties music. I felt like I was back at Transformers nightclub in 1991 (but without the galliano knock-backs & podium dancing) ! 
Belinda is frickin HIL-AR-IOUS and that girl knows how to push it push it REAL good! LOL
Belinda, Me & Mummsy bustin' a move.
I think the biggest dancing highlight for me was Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer". The crowd went NUTS. So much emotion and fist pumping the sky in the chorus. Brilliant!!
I got to meet some of my 12wbt heros too. These chicks are also blogging nutters but the difference is that they totally kick ARSE when it comes to fitness, motivation and well, they are such unbelievable role models. I was squealing like a 11 year old at a One Direction concert when I saw my super hero blogging women.
"Oh my god Mum LOOK!! It's Sailor Vee, Sarah McGee and Coco-Butter (Kate). Oh My GOD. Who are they?? Mum they are AMAZING. I gotta get my photo with them. Sarah is like a 12wbt LEGEND! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!"
Yep I was a total embarrasment.
Sailor Vee, Coco-Butter & Moi

The Blogging Divas

Sarah the legend
Of course the lure of the photoboothes was too hard to resist & Mummsy & I quickly jumped in and had some pics taken. Later in the night after a mad session of dancing to Ice Ice Baby with a bunch of crazy 12wbt gals we all piled into the booth. (more photo booth photos yet to come)
Finally it was all over & time to get a very tired Mummsy & I home again. We had THE BEST night with a room filled with the most incredible beautiful funny fabulous 12wbters.
I feel so blessed that I have met these crazy women through doing this programme and even though I am not signing up to do further rounds I look forward to keeping contact with these awesome chicky-babes!
Another fabulous pin up gal wearing the SAME dress as me but in green!
Leanne another 12wbt LEGEND!!!!

J.F.D.I !!!!

Friday, February 8, 2013

13. LOOPER (2012)

I added Looper onto my list for a number of reasons.

1. Bruce Willis. Man I love Bruce. He's spunky. He's just so freaking cool and a spunk-rat.
2. I'm a sucker for novels & movies set in a dystopian future. I love seeing what people's ideas of what the future will be. Plagues, Hunger Games, Mutant Flus ... love it. How come the future is always complete shit though?
3. I like weird time travel distorted reality sci-fi movies eg: Memento, Inception. In other words, movies that make you THINK.

I thought Looper was great. Not awesome but really good. I must say that during the movie I had to ask hubby to pause the movie a number of time while I wrapped my brain around the time travel plot.
"So if he does this then he won't be able to come back but then he did come back so in the future he must not do this ... but then how can he do that??!"
Hubby had to spell it out to me like a teacher explaining algerba to a preschool kid.
"Ooohhhhh . OK press play again".
Joseph Gordon-Levitt really nails the speech & idiosyncrasies of a young Bruce Willis including the fake nose LOL.
The little boy is really really good. His real name is Pierce Gagnon and I thought his acting was awesome. Scary little bastard.

This is quite a good time travel film and action movie. I liked the concept of it.
Very enjoyable ... a wee bit hard to follow in parts but .....


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

You can have Anything you want in Life if you Dress for it - Edith Head

Last night I started on my journey to becoming a superstar dressmaker! It was the first class in my 6 week Sewing for Dummies lessons. The first block of 6 weeks starts with the very very basics and then with each block it gets more & more involved until eventually you can whip up anything you like just like that! Down the track I would LURVE to be able to draft patterns as well.
In home-eck at school I got an E.... no joke... an E in sewing. I would just flick my spiral perm at my teacher, roll my eyes & scoff "As if I am EVER going to make my own clothes when I can just go to Fosseys and buy them myself! Duh."  What a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie!
Finally, I've grown up and come to my senses.
The class last night was BRILLIANT!
It is run by Brenda who is the Edith Head of the Redcliffe sewing scene. Brenda has been a dressmaker her whole life. She knows EVERYTHING you could possibly know about anything to do with sewing & sewing machines. She is also very dry & has a wicked sense of humour. She is so awesome!
The only students were myself, a lovely lady called Jan and the super duper gorgeous Bev who is an AMAZING Lindy Hop dance teacher from Gotta Swing on the Gold Coast. www.gottaswing.com.au I've known Bev for a few years now & it was so cool to have somebody that I know sharing this adventure in craftiness with me. We were both excited about all the forties style frocks we will eventually be able to make!
Our imagination was running wild!
The beautiful Bev
Jan is a super funny lady who is in her sixties who has never sewed in her life and told us that after a life of taking care of her husband & 3 sons is finally doing something for herself. At one point in the night Bev and Jan launched into an impromptu jive dancing lesson tripling stepping around the room!
I forgot to get a pic of Jan because I was too insanely jealous of her sewing machine. It belonged to her mother & was in immaculate condition AND had ALL the original accessories in perfect condition. Jan told us her mother was a professional dressmaker through the 40s 50s & 60s. Wow!
She had to put the machine in the 'dumb waiter' the class venue has, to take it up to the top floor because the thing weighs so much it could have been used in one of those Strongest Man competitions.
Pretty soon we were all cackling & laughing like a bunch of old chooks. We all had a great dry, wicked sense of humour and had heaps of fun!  Last night we focused on what cottons to use & which ones are complete shit. What needles are for what and how to clean your machine & what all the buttons and doo-dads do on your machine. We were also instructed that we have to buy a
you-beaut pair of fabic scissors and if anybody touches them we have permission to smash their skull in with a large rock (or words to that effect).
We then had to just sew some straight lines so Brenda could see just how good we are. When it came to me.. my sewing lines were pretty bloody good but Brenda was concerned about my tension settings.
"How long since you've cleaned your machine Vicki?"
"About Mmmm mumble mumble mumble"
"Tsk tsk tsk" Brenda shook her head .
I hung my head in shame. She then took off the bobbin covering & I screamed thinking that a small gerbil had made its home in there but no.... it was just 5 years of lint build up.
"tsk tsk tsk" Brenda repeated.
I was given a home work assignment to make a bag. SQUEALS IN EXCITEMENT!
I also, just happened to mention, that I have a number of vintage frocks in need of repair and did she happen to know anyone who could just happen to be able to fix them and if she knew someone who could happen to be able to make me a frock as my normal dressmaker has selfishly gotten too ill to sew.
I think that Brenda & Jan were quite amused/happy to have two young ladies in the class who had a great appreciation for the dressmaking skills and styles of yesteryear.
"Bring in your frocks next week Vicki & I'll have a look"
"YES!! SWEET!!!" I mentally fist pumped the air.
The class was all over too quickly and I left feeling AWESOME.
I had so much fun with these ladies and can't WAIT for next week when we will be making a pair of elastic waist cotton PJ bottoms!!!!!!!!!