As I stumble down the path of my life I quite often step on a patch of bindies.
Even though I come across as being a total vintage glamour queen of outstanding comedic & craft skills, it may horrify you to know that I actually have a rather low self-esteem.
I have this pathetic habit of COMPARING MYSELF TO OTHERS.
In the outer realms of my soggy grey matter I am bitterly aware that this is utterly ridiculous and that everybody is unique and has their own shit going on.
Too often I look at the goings-on of you crazy kids on Flakebook and think silly silly things like
Why can't I have rooms filled with awesome vintage frocks?
Why can't I travel all over the place & go to all this awesome events?
Why can't I be filled with super human motivation when it comes to exercise?
Why can't I look freakin glamourous all the time?
Why can't I be fit & thin like her?
Look at all her amazing vintage hair barettes and bakerlite bangles.. sigh.
And so it goes on..........
This is a habit that I am working hard to break. This whole 1950s vintage-style living thing can sometimes put alot of pressure on a girl. I must admit that when I was with my ex I felt that I was under ALOT of pressure to wear the exactly right clothes, hair done exactly right and heaven fucking forbid I didn't own a lucite handbag. Luckily my current hubby (hahahah I sound like Zsa Zsa) loves me just the way I am (even in my Best N Less tracky daks with no makeup) and so I no longer feel inclined to be 'frocked up' all the time and have now 'let myself go' to a degree.
I look at photos of the big rockabilly festival at Ballarat and the pics of the pin-up competitions and feel like even though I want to go, I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Everybody just looks too amazing.
I remember the first time I went to Viva Las Vegas rockabilly weekender about 12 years ago.
I ascended the escalator into the main room in my modest vintage cotton frock, took one look at all the girls with their literally TOP TO TOE bull-shit rare incredible Shaheen / bakerlite/ lucite / vintage everything and ran back to my room crying.
It's very intimidating. Even for a gal who has been in 'the scene' for quite a while I can tell you that the feeling of being judged never quite leaves.
I don't give a shit as much as I used to.
I didn't write this blog to fish for compliments. I try to make an effort when I go out and I love to wear vintage & do my hair & make up. I don't do this to impress anyone though.
I do it because it is WHO I AM.
If you see me at a gig & it appears that I am stand offish or even a tad aloof I can reassure you that I am the most UNpretentious person in the universe.
Come & say Hi.
If I don't remember your name, I'm sorry but my brain isn't very good at retaining stuff n things sometimes.
I think that my gift to the world is my sense of humour and my honesty.
If I can make someone smile than I am happy.