Monday, July 29, 2013

When I meet a man, I ask myself "Is this the Man I Want My Children to spend their Weekends With?" - Rita Rudner

So yesterday was a big day of The Implant.
I was a wee bit apprehensive this time because my girlie bits still felt like someone had taken to my uterus with a jack hammer and I was a bit ouchy still.
we are the picture of calm
Soon enough, after reading at least one dozen Women's Health Magazines in the waiting room, it was time to go in & get jiggy wid it.
I was so glad TBF was there with me to hold my hand and make me laugh. While having the implant isn't as icky as the egg retrieval, it's not exactly as pleasant as say, having a hot oil massage by Tom Hardy. 

TBF & I had agreed that to get us 'in the mood' we would play some sexy lovin' music and as Dr Smith was getting ready we cranked up some Barry White.
We had to put a stop to his deep baritone singing pretty quick though, as I couldn't stop laughing which didn't help the doc keep a steady hand and the laughing was hurting my girlie parts. I was thinking of changing the song to "Slow Hand" by the Pointer Sisters but decided against it.
The nurse suggested that she could put on the CD of Enya they have in the player. I looked at her like I was going to stab her in the face with the speculum if she pressed play so she quickly retreated away.

After only about a minute Dr Smith was ready to implant the little sucker.
A quick parry & thrust that felt like he was spearing a pig on the spit with a barbeque fork and it was stuck into my uterus like splinter stuck in a thumb.
(it actually doesn't REALLY hurt THAT much. I tend to exaggerate. What? Noooooo)
Then, that was it... all done.

I felt pretty good.  A bit crampy & tired. The nurse told me that the progesterone pessaries make you feel very tired & washed out. Yep. I thought. That's how I feel. Bloddy washed out.
But happy & hopeful.

I shall name him Sticky.
I drove home & quickly changed into my daggiest most slovenly pair of trackie daks & the most comfortable rank T-shirt I owned, scrubbed the slap off my face and hunkered down into my minky blankie with a noice hot cup o tea and my book. Next thing I woke up at 5pm.
"Hay Monkey!". I called to TBF
"Yes Light of my Being?" he yelled back
"I've got an embryo in me gutz".
"We sure do". he replied "We sure do".
I would NOT make a good porn star.
Now we wait until the 12th August to have a blood test to find out if it has taken & we are pregnant.
Don't get too excited. Even if we are preggers that is NO guarantee that it will work.
Deep Breaths.

Luckily I have lots to keep me occupied.

This weekend is GREAZEFEST!! Only the biggest event on the vintage clothing rockabilly music calendar year. MASSIVE. Friday night. Saturday. Saturday night & Sunday.


I will also be strutting my stuff on the catwalk on Saturday in the fashion parade, modelling the awesome brand of Freddies of Pinewood for the brilliant western wear company Western Wac.
Oooooooo so exciting!!! I can't wait to catch up with all my friends from near & far and listen to freaking awesome music including one of my all-time favourite bands from the US called The Palladins. Last time I saw them was about 15 years ago!!! (showin' my age now!).
Naturally, I will be taking 500 million photos & doing a super duper blog about my rockin' & rollin with all the cool kats & kittens.
I shall be channelling Joan Holloway from Mad Men one night (bit more a 1960s style), Patsy Cline one other night, tough motorcycle broad & by Sunday when I'll be knackered it'll be the fuck-it-whatever-is-comfortable look. Yes I will still be taking it easy and sitting as much as possible.
(note- for my non-rockabilly readers this is incredibly hard at gigs as I just want to get up & dance all night)

Thanks everyone for your wonderful words of prayer & hope & well wishes.
I loves ya all.
If I could give you all a big slightly creepy lingering hug I would.

This is literally a picture of the embryo that was implanted. It is only about 1 MILLIMETRE round.
Fucking incredible isn't it!!
It looks a bit like an Oreo or a coffee stain.


  1. GOOD LUCK!!! Keeping all my crossables crossed for you guys.

  2. Fingers are tightly crossed for you guys best of luck guys xoxo

  3. Hoping the little bugger is a super sticky. Everything crossed for you.

  4. Super sticky baby dust for you xoxox