Saturday, August 10, 2013

Life's a Piece of Shit When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true. - The Life of Brian



Hi everybody.  Well if you are on my Facebook or WW community page you would have read that TBF & I's IVF was unsuccessful.  On Wednesday I wasn't feeling too crash hot and by Thursday morning (3am thank you very much) I was in quite a bit of pain.
I rang Dr Smith who confirmed my worst fears.  It was over.

It's funny.  Ok it's not FUNNY har har. But funny in that I was almost relieved. Not relieved that I didn't get pregnant but relieved that it was over.
The waiting.

Oh sure TBF & I were very sad and frankly more than a bit shitted off but at least we now know.
No kiddies for us.
I think that this time we really went into the whole IVF bizzo with a totally different point of view.
We were better prepared emotionally for both outcomes.
Yes, it does make us want to punch walls when we see the wanker mums at Kippa-Ring feeding their little tots flippin Mother softdrink while blowing their Horizon Ultra mild into their newborns face while screaming at their shoeless infant to 'hurry the fuck up ya little shit' BUT.....

I don't know WHY God/Allah/Buddah/The Great A'tuin/The Universe/Charlie the Unicorn has decided in his/her/it's infinite wisdom NOT to give TBF & I a child and frankly I don't want to know.
I have nothing against grieving & feeling bad & swearing at the sky but I HATE wallowing in self pity. It must be in my Oakey raisin' .
Fuckin' shake it off. Stop ya snivvellin'. Harden Up. Stop ya sookin'. Brush yaself off  and just
GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT.

I have to admit that I did try to find some sort of reasoning & answers in the one place where a person is guaranteed to find solace and peace.  No not the bible.
PINTEREST.
I headed straight for the Quotes page. Surely CS Lewis, Oscar Wilde, Oprah or Dr Phil must have some shred of poetic meaning of life for me.
I was confronted with gag inducing pictures of butterflies. Pastel coloured images of dandelions & Labrador puppies with the words "Live in the Sunshine. Swim in the Sea. Drink the Wild Air" typed over.
OMG GET ME A BUCKET.
"Life is about using the Whole box of Crayons" ERRRGGGG VOMIT.
And the king of ALL quotes "Keep Calm and Carry On". JESUS WEPT!!

Yes I am harsh. I blame my parents. I was raised on a steady diet of Monty Python, Marmalade Atkins & Kenny Everett. None of that fancy stuff for us. Steakettes were considered a luxury & so was any ice-cream other than vanilla. We went through about 10 cats in the first 10 years of my life so we learnt very early about life & death. I guess it made me a bit HARD.

So finally, after surfing the blessed internet for more answers I finally find a couple that really have helped me emotionally and are more my style.  Grumpy Cat has ALL the answers.



TBF & I want to thank everybody who have sent us messages & comments of support, prayed & sent warm fuzzy positive vibes into my uterus. I guess Mr Sticky had other plans.
TBF & I will be A.O.K. We have each other's big Bert Newton head's to look at and a shitload of super grouse friends & family to share our lives with.

I shall be throwing myself face first into getting as fit as all get out. I've signed up to do the next Round of Michelle Bridges 12wbt which starts tomorrow. I joined the gym. Bought myself some totally bitching new runners and some weird funky Skins-like pants that make me look like a shiny black anaconda that has swallowed a boar.



I'm not sure what the future has in store for us but by God/Allah/Buddha/Great A'Tuin we are freaking ready
xoxoxoxoxo

10 comments:

  1. What an absolute shitter. So glad you and TBF have each other. Sending you lots of love x

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  2. I am so sorry to read this Vicki. Sending warmest wishes, Kathryn (Cattledog from WWers) xx

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  3. So sorry to hear this. Have followed your story recently via one of the 12wbt groups. Have been through the ups and downs of IVF too -although over 13 years ago now. I understand completely about what you are saying about the way some people treat their children. I was teaching at the time and ended up giving up for a while as I couldn't cope with the children coming to school without food, etc and wondered how unfair life was. Sounds like you have a great attitude throughout this tough journey. All the best for the 12wbt. It is my 2nd round and absolutely loved the last round.

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  4. So sorry to hear this. Have followed your story recently via one of the 12wbt groups. Have been through the ups and downs of IVF too -although over 13 years ago now. I understand completely about what you are saying about the way some people treat their children. I was teaching at the time and ended up giving up for a while as I couldn't cope with the children coming to school without food, etc and wondered how unfair life was. Sounds like you have a great attitude throughout this tough journey. All the best for the 12wbt. It is my 2nd round and absolutely loved the last round.

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  5. Vicki, I'm very sorry to read your news. That farkin sucks. I didn't want a pity party either, but in retropspect I wish that I had taken advantage of the counselling that was offered to me by the clinic. At the time I couldn't see the point but I wonder if it might have helped in the long term.

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  6. Thanks everyone. I really means so much to me that people have sent us such positive messages.
    xoxoxoxo

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  7. Ah fark! So very sorry to hear your news, but your post still left me with a smile on my face - you are one very strong resilient woman!! All the best to you & TBF x

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  8. I'm very sorry to hear this. Life IS a bitch! I don't know what to say but I love your writing and your enthusiasm for life, and you are so funny! Take care of yourself xx
    Caroline

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  9. I am sorry to hear, I also have been following your blog since your post in the 12wbt. Sending lots of well wishes your way and will keep watching your blog for all your funky updates :) Kim

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