DO YOU MEASURE UP?

Yesterday I downloaded the new exercise & menu plans for Week One. So exciting.
I'm looking forward to becoming FITTER LEANER STRONGER & HEALTHIER over the next 3 months. We also had to do our initial weigh in & measurements.
Mine are below

WEIGHT - 85.3kg - TOTAL LOST 4.9kg

CHEST: 109cm - TOTAL LOST 5cm
WAIST: 96cm - TOTAL LOST 9cm
HIPS: 111cm - TOTAL LOST 10cm
RIGHT BICEP - 33cm - GAINED 1cm
LEFT BICEP: 32cm - SAME
RIGHT THIGH: 61.5cm - GAINED 1.5cm
LEFT THIGH: 59.5 - LOST .5cm

I'm not sure what's going on with the wonky leg & arms measurements. I do have the body of a side-show freak. I proved this by having TBF take my BEFORE photos this morning of me in my sessy undies & bra. I thought he had adjusted the flash but it turns out that my body actually IS that fluro white with lumpy bits.

Speaking of lumpy bits.... after getting all the nutrients bleached out of my hair last night I decided that I needed to have a proper bra fitting. I had gone & tried on a stack of fab-u-lous vintage frocks on Wednesday night & it was noted that my bazoongas, even with a bra on, look like two sacks of wet sand. I strode into Bras N Thangs and the young lassies helped me find a bra that lifts & cups The Girls the way they should be. I was horrified though to discover that I am an 18 DOUBLE D. Bloody hell I could be an extra on The Benny Hill Show!
My over-the-should-boulder-holder could be used as a tent on our next camping trip!
Hopefully over the next Round my norks will deflate a bit. TBF, however,  is not happy about this potential outcome. Not at all.

Have a great weekend everybody !!!!!!!!!!

BRING ON ROUND TWO

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

FITNESS TEST FRENZY!

Well Ladies & Gentlemen it's that time again. The lead up to the starting line.
THE FITNESS TEST
I got home last night, grabbed TBF & the pooches, whacked on my JFDI cap & skidaddled down to the waterfront to do my 1km fitness test run.  At 5.15 it was dark, windy & a wee bit chilly.
As I approached the starting line I started my internal chant
JUST FRIGGIN DO IT
JUST FLOCKING DO IT
JUST FUDGING DO IT
Mmmmm FUDGE..mmmmm .. HANG ON FOCUS VICKI FOCUS
JUST FLECKING DO IT!
I had my ipod shuffle cranked with my latest running tune "Piranha" by The Prodigy.
On your mark.Get Set. GO!!!!!!!!!!!
By the 800metre mark the cold wind was burning my throat like I had been chain smoking a carton of Camel No Filters all day.
I finally stepped over the 1km mark!!

I had exactly 1 second of joy before I started wheezing AND dry retching at the same time. (not as easy and fun as it sounds). Gasping I turned around & walked back to TBF, clutching at my chest like my lungs were going to burst out of my ribs in a gush of blood & old durry air.

"I *gasp* did *gasp* it". I gasped.

Then the coughing fit took over combined with a nice taste of bile in my mouth.

Oh this running caper is just fantastic *sarcastic font*

4 months ago I did my fitness test & this run took me 7 minutes and 20 seconds!

I have improved my time by a whopping 55 seconds. Unbe-friggin-lievable.

JUST FRIGGIN DO IT???

JUST FUCKIN DONE IT BEATCHES!!

Next it was time for my other tests.

WALL SIT:  Original time: 36seconds NEW TIME:  1 minute 10seconds (quads of steel baby)

PUSH UPS:  Original: 13/minute NEW: 28 in a minute

ABS:  Original level: I couldn't even lift my lard arse off the mat. 

NEW LEVEL: I can actually sit up without someone behind me pushing me up.

STRETCHY LEG TEST: Original: 10cm NEW: 12cm

I started jumping around like Larry Emdur had just called

"Vicki Martin Come on DOWNNNNNNN".

Just when I thought it couldn't get any better... I jumped on the scales this morning.

85.3kg.

I've lost 700g.

I did the crazy washing machine dance while chanting like a congo line

I lost seven hundred.... I lost seven hundred...... I lost seven hundred.

Tomorrow the new fitness & menu plans come out and I can't wait.

I can't wait to JUST FABULOUSLY DO IT!

XOXOXOXOXOX

Sweet or Sour - What's your Poison?

On Saturday I was confronted by an evil so monsterous, so heinous and so terrible it would make even the most stead-fast 12wbt cult member tremble in their Adidas Exerta 4 Women's running shoes & make a bit of nervous wee go down their leg. A force that has the power to reach inside your mind & tear your will-power apart like a staffy with your brand new Sheridon sheets. What is this horrorific magic mind taking power of which I speak???

THE BABY SHOWER FOOD BUFFET.

Whispering it's malevolent siren song I was helpless against it's pull. Cupcakes, maccaroons, mini salmon sandwiches, pikelets, something called LumberJack cake & Whoopsie pie.
Like Homer Simpson at The Frying Dutchman buffet I had one of each (ok maybe two).
I was swept away in a rip of sugar & cream cheese.

WHOOPIE PIE

IT GETS WORSE..................
I got home & TBF decided that he wanted to use the Sizzlers vouchers he had won on 4BC. So off we trotted to bingey bogan heaven.
I was still gorged from brunch, lunch, afternoon tea, snacks that I got the fish and only had a serve of salads & a small dish of icecream.... and of course I had to have some of the drug infused (I allege)  cheesy toast. By the time I finished I had a filthy bad headache from sugar & preservative overload.
Blerk. My tummy was as swollen as the mother to be at the baby shower.

So on Sunday when I did my food shopping I thought. "That's it. Too much sugar. I'm going to cut out sugar in my coffee from now on. I know I'll get that Stevia stuff. It's all naturale. It'll be grouse! Geez I'm brilliant!!"

THIS WEEK'S MENU PLAN

Monday AM. First coffee of the day. I take a nice big sip of that wonderful elixar.
GAG! OMG WTF! FML! HACK! SPIT! VOM!
Good Lawd. Imagine if you got a stack of green ants & some oleander leaves with a dash of vinegar & blended them up.. dried them and made them into a little white pill and added it to your morning Nescafe Blend 43. Poison tasting. It's not sweet. It's NOT like sugar. It is NOT a sugar substitute.
100% NATURAL. 100% NATURAL RANKNESS. 100% BITTERNESS.
I think I will stick to my raw sugar thank you very much.

STEVIA...... 100% FAIL

Preseason Task #6: Organise & Diarise

ORGANISE & DIARISE

Otherwise known as

GETTING YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WHILE REALISING YOU HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE.

I have to write down all the DANGER days for the next 3 months. Days that could send all my well meaning plans flying out the window quicker then you can say "Caramel Aerobars are evil". I quickly grabbed my calendar down from the wall and examined the next 3 months. I have only TWO potential apocalyptic times that could cause my journey smashed under a big meteorite of doom.

1. Wintersun: We shall be cutting a rug & socialising to the max at Coffs Harbour for 2 days. Take away food alert for the whole weekend. Must try to only eat healthy stuff & not eat 'easy' foods like vomit inducing KFC or RSL chicken parmas with extra gravy.

2. IVF: This awesome *sarcastic font* period of 1 month involves nightly injections of superman strength hormones that make my PMS seem like a happy go lucky sky-lark in the park. Wonderful stomach bloating & a general feeling that my internal girliy bits are going to explode. Of course the end result of this is hopefully going to end in me having a bun in the oven (mmmmm bun). So if that happens I will have to deal with that and adjust my 12wbt accordingly.

Other than that my social calander is depressingly bare.

I also have to work out when i will be well... working out. During Round One I have discovered that I play best alone and at the gym so I will continue with that.

Mondy: Fitness

Tuesday: Toning

Wednesday: Fitness

Thursday: Toning

Friday: Light fitness, core and stretch

Saturday OR Sunday: Bullshit crazy exercise day ,food shopping & bulk cook day.

So there you have it.. THE PLAN. I'm sure that other hazards will pop up along the way as they always do and that it won't be too long & those empty little weekend squares on the calendar will be filled.
Anyone? Hello? I promise to stop tsking at your food choices & talking about my weight.
Promise?

Time to Put on my 'Shrinking' Cap

hahahah get it... SHRINKING cap!! Oh forget it.
I thought I would join the cool kids, bust a move & get down with my good self by jumping on the 12wbt merchandising train & get myself a fancy JFDI cap. Boom Shake Shake Da Room

Now when I am jogging along the waterfront I will be easily recognisable as a 12wbt cult member.
Fellow members will nod secretly in my direction to acknowlege that I am "One of Them".
If you don't know what JFDI means... It stands for JUST F@#$ing DO IT. Basically on those days where you are moaning & whinging in your best annoying internal whiney voice " But I don't wannnnaarrrrrrrr!!!
You give yourself an upper cut & say to yourself "Shut the hell up ya big cry baby. Call the Wahhbulance and JUST F&*%ING DO IT!".
(note: most of the other member use the publically acceptable word FREAKING. Not me I'm afraid)
So this week I am just flocking well doing it. Monday I did 50 minutes cardio. Last night I did weights & tonight I'll do cardio again. I did a sneaky weigh in this morning & I am still 86kg.
So no gain & no loss. I am focussing on the NO GAIN element.

This week's preseason task is:  KITCHEN MAKEOVER. Chucking out all the crap that lurks in your pantry and fridge. Luckily for me this isn't an issue. I did this at the start of Round One and 4 months on the only crap you'll find in my pantry is the neverending supply of gecko poo.
If you look in my pantry & fridge you will find about 80% Organic foods in the fridge is mainly whole foods with one container of Miso paste of indeterminate age. The freezer is full of homemade soups & frozen berries with the odd packet of Scotch Finger Bickies.
The one thing I have had to get rid of .... and this is a relatively 'healthy' food... is the yummy Carmen's Muslie Bars.

I've found that I am eating one in the morning for morning tea but then also having another in the arvo. I've decided to substitute them for something else like yogurt or boiled eggs more of a protein based snack.

The other thing I've changed is my water. It's bloody hard to drink cold water when your office is the same temperature as Russia in the middle of winter, (I may need to buy a snuggie) so I fill up my plastic measuring cup with 2 cups of hot water & chuck in some cut up lemon & you have a nice refreshing drink that is also really really good for your guts.

http://www.lifemojo.com/lifestyle/top-10-health-benefits-of-lemon-water-1422542

JUST FUCKING DRINK IT

That's all I have to report today so...... carry on..........

Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?

I had a fabulous weekend. If the definition of the word fabulous is:
"fab-u-lous": the ability to completely avoid any sort of healthy eating programme whilst performing little to no phsyically activity in the company of hilarious soul-mate with the intention of eating one's body weight in food.

It was TBF & my 3rd year wedding anniversary this week so we set Saturday aside for date day.
We both have a love for Japanese food especially after our honeymoon of 3 weeks in Japan and so decided to have a Japanese feast day. We started at the new MOS burger in the city. MOS burger is kind of like Maccas but good. It is much yummier & slightly healthier plus it has a special place to wash your hands. Most of the burgers have rice smooshed into a patty shape instead of a bread bun. I had the cheese burger, the Yakiniku beef rice burger, green iced tea & hot chips. We sat on the tatami mat & savoured the MOSy goodness.I totally regret having the hot chips. They made me feel icky & made my tummy poke out all bloaty. nice look.

Next stop was the Valley. We burnt off some calories with some incidental exercise by walking about 20 minutes to Palace Centro Cinemas to watch "Dark Shadows". I had a cup of skinny latte while waiting for the movie to start. Probably the worst coffee ever. It tasted like hot water with a dash of milk with some burnt dirt coffee. We were still full from lunch so we just got an overpriced bottle of water to see us through the incredbily average film.

After the movie TBF decided that the smell of the hot buttered popcorn was too irresistable & got a small packet for the walk back to the car. I had a couple of bits but that's it.

We had a booking for 8pm for Wagaya but thought we'd take a chance & go early. Luckily they had a free seat & so we settled in for some totemo oishii (very delicious) Japanese food.

We got lots of small servings so we could try a bit of everything. Mmmmm chicken gizzards (very chewy), takoyaki (octopus balls), ox tounge and yakiniku. So good! Most of it was pretty healthy.

Except for the deep fried cheese. Yep the deep friend cheese was definately not on the 12wbt menu list of acceptable foods.

I'm still off the grog & so we toasted our undying love with a big glass of icy cold Calpis which is a drink that tastes kind of like watery Yakult. It's yummy.

We finished off with some desert. I got a sampler plate with some weird green tea cake thing, an even weirder spongy thing with yucky red bean paste in it & super duper delicious black sesame icecream. 5 gazzilon calories. TBF got green tea icecream.

Full as two googs we drove home but first did a quick stop into the video store to get out "Waynes World" One and Two. PARTY TIME!! EXCELLENT!!  And a mega packet of Mars Bar Pods.





I got home & pulled out my oversized elastic waisted marl grey tracky daks (sexy) & snuggled in to binge & watch the movie. Great day with the man I love. ZANG! Mish would open the biggest can of whipass on me if she could. I don't want to weigh in this week. I've probably put back on the 4.2kg I've lost.

sigh.

=======================================

Sunday morning I dragged my bloated lumpy slightly nauseous body out of bed & quickly set about getting my shit together. I prepared my menu for the forth-coming week.

One again I'm into the soups but have chosen less.... ummm fiberous ones after last week's gastric horror.

Luckily for me & my motivation I had arranged to have afternoon coffee with three of most AMAZING inspirational women in the whole cosmos. Kathy, Petra & Toni.

These are three of my peeps from my Weight Watchers days and seriously your jaw would just hit the floor with a loud thud if you saw their before & after photos.

Toni was the QLD finalist in the annual WW Healthy Choice awards, Kathy has transformed herself into a super woman with a body that would make Mish cry with jealousy & Petra is the most amazingly motivational postive person who after spending 5 minutes with her you think anything is possible! It was so lovely to be able to catch up & be able to absorb like a big blonde sponge their positivity, advice & fantastic outlook on life. I was even a good gal & only had 2 skinny lattes & avoided the mud cake.

I finished my weekend on a high note. After cooking up a huge pot of MB recipe pumpkin garlic soup & MB recipe chilli con carne there was a knock at the door. My awesome neighbour bought over some left over mud cake from a party at their place. TBF & I ended our bingey weekend watching "Jess" while eating a slice of mudcake the size of a house brick. 500 gazillion calories.

OK. Today is a new day. I had my treats and now I'm back to being a good girl.

I promise.

Was it Kierkegaard or Dick Van Patten who said "If you label me, you negate me"?

:)





Just Keep Swimming

Imagine the reflection if Esther Williams was looking in one of those weird side show mirrors you see at the Ekka.  Well that's what I looked like after I snapped on my super sexy bathing cap & hit the pool yesterday arvo.  I tried to visualise myself as the pool pin up as I tiptoed around the pool with my towel firmly wrapped around me but the reflection of my short stumpy white legs in the windows disolved any glamourous notions. Now imagine a blonde haired Dugong in a pair of Millers navy togs. NOICE.
I had been looking forward to having the soup warm pool all to myself as I had noticed that Thursday nights were very quiet normally.  This dream was quickly shattered as I walked into the pool area.
50,000 children.  Screaming. Yelling. Crying. Normally these children would be in the designated Child's Pool having their lessons but I was informed that there had been an "accident" in the pool & so they had to use the main pool. Icky.
They only had one lap lane open which I had to share with a bloke. It was right in the middle of the pool with the children on either side. I would have high-tailed it but I didnt' bring my gym gear. Oh well I'm here now. I tried put all thoughts of how much ribena-infused kiddy pee I would be swimming through out of my mind. Focus Vicki Focus.
It was hard to get in THE ZONE when you have 50,000 small children screaming on either side of you. Plus I had to deal with OBNOXIOUS CHILD who was determined to piss me off.
Little bastard.

He was about 7 years old & everytime he saw me coming to his end of the pool he would get into the lap lane & get in my way so I had to stop & go around him. After 6 times I cracked it.

I stopped right infront of him & put on my best Teacher/Mum tone.

"Are you swimming laps? Hmmmm are you? No? Well that man & I are trying to swim laps. There is only ONE lane for us. You have the whole pool don't you. Well? I am worried that we might just 'accidentally' kick you hard in the head when we swim if you are in the way. Do you want that? No? Well then I'd REALLY appreciate it if you could get out of this lane. Thanks matey".

He didn't come back into the lane. mwarrrr harr harrr har

I kept on swimming & managed to do 2km (40laps) in 33 minutes.

But I must confess. I didn't enjoy it as much as I used to.

Damn you Mish. I found myself wishing that I was in the gym on the X-trainer or pushing myself through another set of Sumo Squats. To be honest, I found the swimming.....

well boring. OMG who is this Vicki??????? What happened to Vicki the Water Baby???

I like the variety of the 12wbt programmes. It keeps me interested.

I tiptoed into the change rooms (please tell me that was spilled pineapple cordial in that room) & pulled my googles off like a beautician pulling off those chinese suction cups. This act in itself makes me not want to swim anymore as the nearly 40 year old skin around my eyes STILL has not shifted back into place even this morning. I look like the 'before' picture in one of those botox ads.

I fear the skin will never snap back again .

This 12wbt certainly is a journey of self discovery.

I've discovered that I now prefer the tortureous pain of the muscle burn over the stench of chlorine.

Interesting.

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

MZ VICKI'S SNIPPET OF ADVICE

DO NOT... I REPEAT ...

DO NOT EAT A LARGE BOWL OF HOMEMADE 12wbt BROCCOLI SOUP THE DAY YOU ARE GOING TO BOUNCE UP & DOWN IN A ZUMBA CLASS.

Actually, let me rephrase that. DO NOT eat the MB12wbt Broccoli soup... ever.
Don't get me wrong the soup is quite tasty even though it looks like something a river trout might vomit up. It's the ... ummmm *cough* after effects.
Needless to say I very nearly had to do a quick run to Woolies to buy the industrial strength economy size can of Glen-20 and a mega pack of those pine tree car air freshners.
My car now smells very similar to the Clontarf tip pit.
The problem is that on the weekend I went berserk with cooking soups. I made 4 days worth of this stuff. I can't eat it anymore. I could sell it to the army for chemical warfare. I'm not even game to tip it into my garden for mulch!

I also made a large batch of the 12wbt Asparagus & Sweet Potato Soup. I am hoping that it doesn't not cause me the same ummmm side effects as Mr Broccoli.

Mind you it looks just as nasty. Like the contents of a baby's nappy. A baby who has been drinking the water of the Ganges.

I was such a good girl and prepared my whole week's menu and have stuck it on the fridge with all the bills & reminder notes. Through-out Round One I made notes on the recipes with a score out of 10.

This week's dinners have all received an 8/10 from myself & my own Matt Preston .. TBF.

========================================

So last night I tip-toed into the Zumba class. I quickly hid in the back corner as I watched all the women come in. It became very apparent that this is a tight group. I was eyed suspiciously.

I could almost hear them whispering to eachother. "Mmmm so who's the new girl?" "Oh I knowwww"." Are they Kmart pants? *giggle*"

I was a black sheep in a sea of purple & pink.

Then the instructors bounced energetically onto the stage. A mother/daughter combination of so much energy that they could have powered all the pokie machines in the Leagues Club for a week.

The mother would have been almost my grandmother's age.  It became very clear that this woman possessed more sass, verve, enthusiam & swagger than I have in my little toe!

OMG could she shake it!  Amazing! Seriously she had it Goin' Orn! It was like Beyonce has been reborn as a very white very fit grandmother from Caboolture.

I tried my best to keep up while trying not to look too much like a demented chicken.

Obviously the women in this class LOVE IT and love the instructors and there was alot of "Woooooing & Yeahhhhing". It was a fun class but I was a bit disappointed because the majority of the music was hip-hop and not Latin inspired like I thought Zumba was meant to be?????  I did enjoy the Jive done to Great Balls of Fire but the other music I just couldn't get into it. Too many robot moves & that move where you do the worm but standing up.

I looked about as sexy as a piece of dried loogey on a rail.  Can I add that during the class not only did I have to concentrate on thrusting my hips at the right time but the not-too-enjoyable bloating threatening to explode gas sensation in my guts also contributed to the constant pained looked on my face.  I have also discovered that on my downward approach to 40 I can no longer Jump Up N Down Wid my Hands in De Air Like I Jus Don Care because my bladder feels like it is going to cry tears of joy down my leg. Might have to start adding Poise to me shopping list . Sigh. 

At the end of the class I had burnt a very impressive 455 calories though.

Will I be back?

NO

Today my knees feel like Kathy Bates has taken to them with a sledgehammer like in that movie "Misery". Not good.  I'm afraid that getting jiggy wid it with a group of women & doing the rump shaker just ain't my thang.

Now if they chucked in some Lindy Hop charleston with some knees up skankin then I would be front row centre.

Crunchy Granola Knees

So I bounced out of bed on Sunday (Mother's Day). My furry four legged children wished me a happy mother's day & I hit the gym to do my final Round One fitness challenge.
A Triathlon.
X-Trainer then Rower then Bike then Treadmill.
I was all syched and had even bought myself one of those you-beaut ipod shuffle thingies. They are the size of a stamp & hold about 1000 songs. I downloaded my ultimate running playlist of about 30 songs.
All totally bitchin' heavy on the drum beat and mostly angry music. I clipped that little sucker onto my fancy $5 Best N Less singlet & got it goin' orn!
10 minutes on the X-Trainer (ska music cranked for this)
2km on the Rower (a bit of Gorillaz, Phrase & Presets to set the pace)
Then I managed somehow to power through 12 (count 'em) 12 kilometres on the bike. My quads were screaming at me but I turned up the volume, fast forward to the pychobilly music & pushed it out.
I practically fell off the bike had a bit of a stretch & then staggered to the treadmill.
Up until 2km on the treadmill I was doing pretty good. My stamina has increased about a gazzillion percent since I started 3 1/2 months ago HOWEVER, my dodgy 39 3/4 year old knees & my Donald Duck flat shovel feet let me down. By now I had been going hard for an hour & a half on this crazy triathlon & was up to my second round on the ipod.
Mentally I did the ole Lleyton Hewitt & yelled at the umpire in my brain "COME ON!!!" but alas around the 2 and a half km the tendon in my right arch of my foot did that familar TWANG, shook it's fist at me & threatened that if I didn't stop that it would snap. To bring home the point my foot suddenly got massive pins & needles and then my rice bubble knees decided to join the party & make weird painful clicky noises.
I made an executive decision that 1 hour and 45minutes was enough.
I hobbled off the treadmill like an old granny who forgot her zimmerframe & hit the stretch mats.
.... just in time to hear the final throws of ecstacy from Mr Masterbation as he made sweet love to his 50kg dumb-bells. awesome.

I am starting to wonder if for the sake of my joints I shouldn't be jogging. Alot of the 12wbt revolves around running so I wonder if I can substitute something else. Like the X-trainer or the bikes.
Maybe I should take up swimming again?????
Tonight I have decided to step out of the warm fuzzy comfort zone & do a Zumba Class.
Last time I did a Zumba class it was at my old gym & the instructor was dead-set CRAZYYYYY.
and not in a HA-HA LOL way. In a Holy Shit call the men in the white coats way.
I will position myself at the back & pretend that I am on So you Think You Can Dance.
In my mind I will be riding The Hot Tamale Train!
Wish me luck.

PS:  In other news... TBF & I have just found out the we are starting our round two of IVF next week. So in addition to 12wbt I will also have the joy of nightly injections & massive hormonal upheavals. Should be fun. yikes.

Does not play well with others.

Ever since I can remember I've always been a bit of a loner. Particulary when it comes to sport & fitness. My jaw & butt cheeks have always started to clench in nervous anticipation of having to partake in GROUP fitness. My first memories of this are in primary school and the dreaded "Ball Games" carnivals. Even to this day the mere mention of the words "Tunnell Ball" make me feel ill.
In school I was always the smallest. I was this little aryan child who was very shy & quite awkward.
Needless to say I always dropped the ball & let down the team. Also the bigger girls would deliberately SLAM the ball at me so it would belt me in my fragile chest cavity & then bleat "Miss Miss Vicki dropped the ball again!!! Misss!"
Fast forward to highschool and the horror of Netball & Hockey & *gulp* Athletics.
The bigger girls would trip me over & elbow me in the boobs in netball and for some unknown reason I was always wing defence & my opponent was about a metre taller than me. In hockey they would wack me up between my legs from behind with an upturned hockey stick so the end would smack me in the pubic bone leaving a nice big bruise on my girlie place. Nice. I made a point of not going anywhere near the ball if I could help it. I was ALWAYS the last to be chosen. Even the obsese acne faced geeks who have now gone on to be feethly rich I.T programmers (I think) were chosen over Vicki the useless kinda weird blonde.
I used to get mum to write me notes on Cross Country Day to say that I had monthly 'female' problems had be bed ridden. I would run around the hurdles & dive under the high jump bars on sports days. To make it even MORE shamefull they made us wear those awful little athletics pants that are like maroon granny undies. I think the teachers did this deliberately just to tear away at our self-esteem even more.
"Bloody Hell Vicki." the teachers would exclaim & shake their heads in despair.
The place I was most at home was in the pool. Man Oh Man could I swim! In the pool doing lap after lap all alone. No team to let down. Only me & the wonderful smell of chlorine.
I could have swum for QLD. seriously. But I just couldn't bring myself to get up at 5am for swim club. So in Winter I would get Ds & Es in PE but in Summer I would bust out the A+s.

So now I am nearly 40 years of age and the thought of doing any form of GROUP training causes me to feel nauseous & that little whippet thin blonde whispers to me that I am better off doing it alone.
So I hit the gym, try not to make eye contact which others, quickly cram those ear buds into my ear canals & blast my drums with the soothing sounds of Cockney Rejects & The Prodigy.
I was approached by my old PT to join a team to train for the Jetty 2 Jetty & immediately I started to feel nervy & twitchy. "ummmm no. No thanks. I. I think I'll just go it alone. Thanks. Thanks anyway. Wow is that the time. Oh my hear rate is dropping. I better go & ummm.... what's that?!"
I watch the group classes at the gym where everyone seems to be loving sharing the joy of the burn together. Mentally high-fiving eachother. I see on the forums of Facebook & 12wbt website people getting together to train as a group. Motivating eachother. Slapping eachother on the backs & arses.
Supporting eachother. The thought of joining in makes me feel like running in the opposite direction so fast I would totally beat my 1km time.
However, I am also seethingly jealous of these people that they are so bloody comfortable in the company of others. Bastards.Those people wearing their matching JFDI hats & shirts. They BELONG. They LIKE being around others and people LIKE being around them.
I've always felt like I don't fit in or belong. I've never been in the cool crowd.
---------------------------------------------
But, this journey is about challenging yourself
SO
Dammit in Round Two I am going to step out of my snarling comfort zone. I am going to join in by God.
I'm going to do group exercises classes at the gym.. even try the one that uses the mini trampolines where there is the greatest chance I will fall off like someone on Funniest Home Videos.  I am going to go & actually MEET some of these incredible people on the forums. I WILL turn up at meet n greets with the bile rising in my thought from nervousness.
"Hi. My name is Vicki. Please excuse me if I am a wee bit quiet & keep to myself a bit. You'll find that in about a month you won't be able to shut me up & might regret me joining in as my lewd language & dirty humour very quickly starts to grate on your nerves. Sorry that's just me. Please don't throw any ball at me."

BEFORE & AFTER PHOTOS

Ooooo look at my noice certificate Mishy sent to me.

So here are my before & after photos from Round One.

No I will NOT be posting any pics of me in my control brief high-waisted grundies & bra.

I gotta be honest...even though the scales & the tape measure say I have reduced size I don't really see it in the pics. 

WEEK ONE                                          WEEK TWELVE

WEEK ONE                           WEEK TWELVE

I've printed out my exercise programs for the next week and a half & will be getting stuck into it again as of this arvo.  I have upped the anty on the exercise & gone up to.... wait for it.... INTERMEDIATE LEVEL!!
I have yet to do my final week 12 fitness test to see if I can beat my 1km time.
Round Two OFFICIALLY starts on June 4 but the PRE-SEASON TASKS have begun.
This weeks is GET REAL. You have to look at the internal excuses that hold you back.
My biggest one is "I'm so tired. Call the Wahbulance. I just wanna get home to my hairy monkey man. I can't be arsed today. Fuck it."
This next round I will set myself realistic exercise goals.
I thought I would also put up another BEFORE ROUND TWO photo so in about 4 months you will be able to see the difference in my epic guns!!! Bloody huuuge.

ROUND ONE FINAL NUMBERS !!

OMG I can't believe that the 3 months is up. Makes me a bit sad actually.
 As I have said before, I have signed up to do Round Two as I really really love the programme.
So here it is.
The final Stats.

So in 12 weeks I have lost 4.2kg or an average of .35kg/week.

I have lost a total of 20cm off my body with a fabulous 8cm off my waist & 9cm off my hips.

I have dropped a dress size from a Size 18 to a Size 16.

However, in addition to the above I also FEEL better. I feel stronger & fitter.

I can jog for 3-4 minutes NON-STOP now. In week one I could only stumble for 100 metres before gasping like a mutant fish out of water.

I have changed my eating habits & no longer PIG OUT. Yes I have the odd BAD day BUT I'm not sitting down to a big binge attack. Instead of eating 500g of steak I am now satisfied with 150g.

I am no longer eating fried bacon & eggs for breakie.

(I miss you bacon. You will always have a place in my heart sob)

Also, (and this isn't really related to the 12wbt) I haven't had a drop of alcohol for 2 months!

Those who know me know that this is a total freaking miracle.

I stopped drinking more for my mental health than for any weightloss benefits.

I'm still having 'blender head' days (like today) but feel pretty good now. Like when I gave up the durries I keep waiting for that ray of light to shine upon my brow & the angels to sing and suddenly the no grog makes me feel AMAZING!!!  But.... like with the cancer sticks that day doesn't come.

You don't suddenly feel like superwoman.  You just feel ... well... nothing.... normal. It's just that you suddenly realise that you haven't thought about having a smoke in a week. I'm waiting for the time when I don't drive home on a Friday night & crave a bottle of the grape. One day.

This morning I convinced TBF to take my AFTER photos of me in my bra & gruds. It's funny but when I compare them to my Day one pics I can't really see any difference. The big difference is in my clothes but the sight of my blinding white flesh still makes me recoil in horror.

(NO I will NOT be posting my semi-nude pics on here. I will put a clothed AFTER pic up in the next coming days .. you feelthy pervy people)

Thank you everybody who puts comments & leaves me awesome feed-back.

I'm glad that my wee blog can bring a smile to people's faces. If I can help bring a little bit of happiness & naughtiness to the whole, then great!

I am also stoked when I hear that I have motivated someone do get off their bum & do some exercise.

Seriously, if I can do it any poor sclub can.

I'm looking forward to continuing my blog into Round Two as I become tougher than a rubber sheet over the coming months!!!!

BRING IT ORN!

PS: in my next blog I will be blathering on about my new fitness & health goals for Round Two.