I stopped fighting my Inner Demons.... We're on the same Side Now.

HAPPY 2014!!!!

A new year.

A Clean Slate.

A Fresh Start.

A blank page.

A white canvas.

A skid mark free pair of undies

Yes in 2014 I will be continuing to provide the blogging world with outrageous tales, terrible puns and an over abundance of SELFIES.

THIS YEAR, HOWEVER, I will be expanding into even more trivial mundane shite which shall include:

BULLSHT GOOD TASTY HEALTHY RECIPES
FICTIONAL TALES FRESH FROM MY WARPED BRAIN
EVEN MORE SELFIES GALORE (you know you love it)
TALES OF HORROR & JOY FROM VICKI PAST
AND FUNNY INAPPROPRIATE PICTURES THAT I FIND ON THE NET WHEN I SHOULD BE FILING.

HOW EXCITING DOES THAT SOUND?!!! Wait.... don't answer that.

I don't have many New Years resolutions this year....
As I age I'm becoming more of a REALIST (read: lazy).
I will give you an example:

I thought to myself, I thought "Vicki. I reckon in 2014 you will run. You will BE a runner.  I mean look at Coco Girl Butter ! That chick is freaking amazeballs. You can DO IT!"
So I downloaded Couch to 10K. None of this Couch to 5K shit. Pfft! 5K! Whaeves.

So on January 2 at 5.30pm I started. 1 min jog 1 1/2 min walk for 25 minutes. Friggin' searing friggin heat at bloody 5.30pm!

After 25 minutes I slightly ALTERED my resolution from I will run this year to I will NEVER run again in my whole entire life even if I am being chased by a pack of rabid knife welding ferrets.

AFTER MY WALK/RUN SELFIE

I have decided... I am NOT a runner. Yes I know some of you might point at me & declare "Give it TIIIIIIIME Vicki. Take it SLOOOW.". Well I'm sorry but NUP. No thank you very much but you can stick running in ya blurter.

So my REALISTIC resolutions are * :

MOVE. As in walk, get up off my lumpy lilly white arse & move, just do SOMETHING.

YOGA: I will dedicate a whole blog post to this soon but will just say that I started doing it in December and I LOVE it.

SEW: Sewing is like a meditation for me. A bloody frustrating tear my hair out mediation but I love it. The other day I started sewing at 6am and didn't stop until 9pm. I was in The Sewing Zone.

WRITE:  Yep more blogging but this year I would like to do some sort of Creative Writing course through TAFE or sumpthin'. I want to get the ole grey matter fired up again.

PODCASTS: Listen to more of them. Hubby & I have become big podcast fans recently. In addition to "A Word in Your Ear" podcast I also love Sawbones which is all about the weird & gruesome history of medicine. Learning about cool stuff while being entertained! Who would have thunk it?

QUIET TIME:  Go out for nice lunches with the dames, have relaxed BBQs with my crazy friends, go to the movies with Mummsy, night time walks along the pier with hubby, sitting on the front steps with Harvey the Pookah & Binky cats looking at the sunset and sitting on the bed with my husband complaining about how shit today's TV/music/fashion/society is.

EAT GOOD SHIT:  Clean eating bitches. Steering clear of processed crap. Smoothie like a muthafucker! Kick all those nasty refined sugars, preservatives and numbers to da curb.

CHILL THE FUCK OUT:  stop worrying so much about what people think. The world will not collapse if I don't do the 30 things on my MUST DO list TODAY.

MAKE PEOPLE SMILE:  I will continue to post on Facebook pictures of Pugs wearing bee costumes, sarcastic someecards, funny memes and basically anything that might bring a smirk to your cute little smooshy faces.

CONTINUE TO BE INCREDIBLY IMMATURE:  Even though I am 41 I will continue to laugh at farts, dance in supermarket aisles, sing loudly and proudly to Hall & Oates, pull faces at children in cars next me at the lights and talk about poo in social situations.

So there you have it.

I hope yawl will stick around and continue to read about my stuff.
You really are good for my self-esteem. 
I hope you have a total kick arse year with lots of adventure, health, happiness and good bowel movements.

xoxooxoxoxoxo

If you can think of anything else you would like me to write about PLEASE let me know.
I aim to please.

YOU'RE WELCOME