On Sunday I was so very excited.
I had finally completed my outfit for the "Sewing for Victory" Challenge. I had sewed it, washed it, ironed it, foofed my hair, slathered on some 1940s style make up & instructed The Big Fella that he was to bust out the 'good' camera' & take some uber-flattering shots of me in the back yard.
I did up the buttons on the 1940s style puff sleeve blouse. Freaking PERFECT. (not pictured)
I looked (from the waist up) like something from The Sullivans. Awesome.
Then I pulled on my 1940s slightly high waisted wide leg trousers that took me SO frickin' long to achieve the proper fit and
WHAT THE FUCK?
I had either gained about 10 kilos AND grown another 10 centimetres taller in one week
(call Ripley's Believe it or Not!)
my previously fantastic trousers had shrunk in the wash.
I tugged at the zipper. I swore at it. I pleaded with it but it just wouldn't go up.
Before chucking them in the wash they fit PERFECTLY. They zipped up easily & I had deliberately made them so that the hems would touch the ground as I knew I would be wearing shoes with a slight heel. Now they came up past my ankle!
"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" I bellowed out to my long suffering husband " GODDAMMIT!!! MY PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTS!!"
TBF came rushing down the hallway & abruptly stoppped in the doorway...
"Ummm are they meant to be 3/4 length?" He asks foolishly.
"NOTHEYARENOTMEANTTOBETHREEQUARTER!!!!" I scream.
"GODDAMMSHITFUCKBUMPOOARRRRRRRRRR" I wail before ripping them from my body like an angry Chippendale stripper and throwing then rather over dramatically to the floor.
Geez. This sewing caper is such a step by step 'learn from your mistakes' caper.
A big fat arsehole learn-from-your-mistakes caper.
What did I learn?
When it comes to sewing......... DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL. Don't take short cuts.
SUCH ROOKIE MISTAKE.
SO, back to bloody Lincraft yesterday to buy some more cotton drill.
IN OTHER NEWS
If you know me on social media I have probably already spammed the shit out of you about being nominated for People's Choice for Australian Blog of the Year.
Look, I really want to win this ok.
I love to write about random shit & I like making people smile & laugh. I like to think that I'm alright at doing this. I'd like to do MORE. I don't know what. Maybe write a best selling book about cross dressing ferrets or a self help book for people who want to perfect the act of chucking hissy fits.
The People's Choice winner gets $1000 worth of courses with The Australian Writers Centre.
Going & doing some courses with the AWC would be so totes grouse because it would set me on my path to my REAL life. The life that I am destined to live. My dream life.
To be disgustingly rich, adored by millions, have stores throw their goods at me to promote, to own a mansion beach house on Fraser Island with a replica of Jane Mansfield's pink towelling bathroom in it and have 10 French Bulldogs.
I don't think that is too much to ask.
Anyway, all you lovely wonderful stylish gorgeous tasteful people need to do is simply click on this picture (top right corner):
When you get to the survey page, just keep clicking NEXT down the bottom until you get to the page I'm on.. I think it's about page 5. Rayon Dreams in a Cheesecake World
It says you can vote for more than one blog but my advice is to just ignore those other crappy blogs.
NOTE: YOU CAN ONLY VOTE ONCE
Voting closes Monday 5 May at 5pm
I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU