Alcohol is not the Answer. It just makes you forget the Question.

You know some days I really struggle with the whole SOBRIETY thing.

It's freakin tough man.  

Lately, I've been feeling a bit pouty & cranky and well, a bit of a sooky-la-la about not being able to drink grog. 
Why me?
Boo fucking hoo.

Going to a party or a gig sober and STAYING sober is a real bastard sometimes.

Everyone around you is all loose limbed, relaxed & a-hoopin' & a-hollerin' while I feel self conscious & frankly, boring as fuck.  Yes I could get up & act da fool but I just feel like a bit of a dickhead dancing around like a looney.

It can feel a bit weird when everyone is toasting with a nice glass of champy & I'm lifting up a highball of lemon lime bitters.  

It's a barbie & the crew are knocking down a couple of ambers and I've got my Kirks sugar free Creaming Soda.

New Years Eve & everyone is kickin' back with shots, wine & cocktails & I'm drinking a cup of Earl Grey by 11pm.

Jesus Wept It's like I'm ready to be booked into Aveo Retirement Village!

Being sober HAS changed me.

Definitely in more positive than negative but still changed me.



Anyone who had anything to do with Mrs El-drunko Vickster will remember many many many nights (& days) of me getting frocked up to the nines, knocking back a couple of bottles of the grape & then yelling out and calling people a "pack of c-hunts" and randomly trying to screw or pash anything that moved.
Oh I was a stack of fun though.
I bore a striking resemblance to Patsy from Ab Fab ....  Darling.

Being sober is a very confronting thing.  You have to 'be yourself' whoever the hell THAT is.
Oh, I'm still crass, annoying & inappropriate but in a more subtle way now.  I am a lot more self conscious & nervous when I go out now. 
Arrrr the wonderful conversation lubricator is grog.
"Dogs!!" you could slur "Farkin Dogs.  They're cool eh? Those big fluffy ones. Soooooo farkin' cute eh. Hay where's me wine gone man? Arrrrrhaahahaharrrr "

Now I'm like "Ummm hi. What've you been up to? Me? Not much... Ummmmm  So....How's that Tim on Big Brother? "

On one hand, I look at the crowd of drunken revellers & am jealous of them. I too want to 'throw my hands in a ay-er like I just don't cay-ar" and throw my rubbery arms around the necks of the unsuspecting and gush into their faces "Ooooooo I luvoooooooooosooomushhhhhh" and rub their face into my cleavage. 

Oh to not give a flying shit again.

On the other hand, it's also quite disturbing to watch the slow progression of people getting trolleyed before your eyes and going from being as well behaved as a nun in church to transforming into an aggressive obnoxious melon head.

So if you see me at a party or a gig & I'm not up running around and I'm just sitting quietly sipping on my 10th cup of coffee it's not that I am a snob or pretentious or lazy (ok maybe a bit lazy) it's just that I'm feeling a bit out of place or a tad shy. It may surprise some of you that I am actually quite shy.

Please come over & say G'day. I'm quite a nice person when I'm not being awkward & sarcastic.

I have no problem with other people hitting the turps around me.
As a matter of a fact, I seriously do kind of like having you throw your arms violently around me and squishing my face into your bosom.
If you're a bloke I don't mind you chucking your arm about my shoulders & exclaiming "You know Vicki yerrrr a good sheila. That Mick shalucky man".

I am happy to cheers you with my glass of Coke Zero my friends.

KANPAI !!!!

XOXOXOXOXO

Carnival of Flowers Toowoomba

On the weekend, I battled the hideous roadwork & headed up the Range to Toowoomba to visit the Fam.  It also happened to be Carnival of Flowers weekend.

The Toowoomba Carnival of Flowers started in 1949 and is amazing.

The brainchild of Essex Tait and the Toowoomba Chamber of Commerce, Carnival was introduced as a way for the city to use their “Garden City” reputation to promote increased economic activity following the recent hardships of war.

On October 21, 1950 the Toowoomba Carnival of Flowers commenced with a street procession that stretched three miles in length. Led by a bullock team and watched by a crowd estimated to be 50,000 strong, the Parade was a resounding success. The Toowoomba Carnival of Flowers subsequently became firmly cemented as an annual event in the region’s community calendar.

 

TAKEN FROM THE WEBSITE:www.tcof.com.au/history/2-history-of-the-iconic-queensland-event-toowoomba-carnival-of-flowers 

 

 

 If you have never done a trip to Toowoomba (or Woomby as I call it) I highly recommend it.
In saying that, I would NOT recommend going in Winter. It is bullshit FREEZING cold with yucky sleet & wind.
However, in Spring it is incredible. Toowoomba is known as The Garden City and certainly lives up to its name.  The city is filled with a gazillion parks filled with every flower and plant you can think of with so much colour your eyes nearly explode!
 

THERE ARE EVEN NUDE BUM STATUES!

 

 

Mummsy, my brother, sister in-law & my 1 year old nephew decided to go to one of the parks called Laurel Bank and have a picnic.   Incredibly, we were able to find a glorious spot in the shade away from the crowds.  After a yummy feed of roast chook on a roll we had a wander around.

 

 

 

Laurel Bank Park the park is home to the tranquil Scented Gardens. This unique 'garden within a garden' was created by Toowoomba City Council and the Rotary Club of Toowoomba East from ideas presented by the Downs Association of the Blind, and occupies approximately 0.5 hectare of the park's 4.5 hectare area.

Fragrant blooms, herbs and shrubs grow in raised beds, inviting visitors to take in the subtle perfumes as they walk by, or sit and absorb the atmosphere.

I'M NOT SURE WHO RON IS,  BUT HE LIKES WRAPPING HOSES AROUND HIMSELF...

 

To say that it was a beautiful day would be an understatement!  The gardens were simply incredible and as Mummsy & I ambled around we couldn't help but Ooooh & Arrrr at the stunning floral displays.

A swing band playing the best of Glen Miller just added to the atmosphere.

I'm afraid my garden of geraniums (poor man's orchids) is a very poor example of horticulture in comparison!! LOL

 

The best part of the day was chasing after my cheeky monkey nephew Bronson who just LOVES to run and climb and touch things.  My brother reckons it's like living with a stoner flat mate.

All he does is eat and point at things & laugh!

He is such a good boy and he had a ball running around and sticking his hand in his Mum's cup of ginger beer while scoffing down a huge pear.

MY NEPHEW - BRONSON

So if you are looking for something to do in the next couple of months you should pop on up to Toowoomba. It's about a 2 hour drive from Brissy.  The road works are pretty shit but once you get up there it is great.

I will also add that the vintage shopping is FAN-FRICKING-TASTIC!

Not so much for clothing but for household stuff.  O-M-G.

I got 1950s shadow box, curtain drop & table cloth for the ridiculous price of $12 total!

 

 

 

I've instructed Mummsy that we should have a picnic in a new park every time we come to visit & then go for a noice stroll around. 

(except in the terrible Toowoomba winter when only the truly mental go outside).

 

There is something about lying under a tree on a picnic blankey surrounded by flowers that is very good for the soul I think. :)

 

 

 

 

xoxoxoxoxoxo

It's Hard to be a Diamond in a Rhinestone World - Dolly Parton

Wednesday morning. Weigh in morning.

 

88.2kg

 

BY THE LIVIN' HARRY! SINCE I LEFT WW I HAVE GAINED 2 kilos!

I finished work on Wednesday arvo & was feeling flatter than a cane toad on the M1 so I wandered to our local news agency in the hope that I would find happiness in the glossy pages of the latest issue of Marie Claire or Harper's Bazaar. 
As I starting flicking through Women's Health my eyes kept being drawn to the latest issue of the Weight Watchers magazine.  A slight feeling of nervousness & butterflies in my stomach twinged.
"Oops shouldn't have had that 4th cup of coffee" I thought.
I was tempted to buy the Women's Health. I mean, come on it was tempting with articles such as FRISKIEST SEX EVER and PINK On Life Love and Balance .
"Oh just have a LOOK at WW" I taunted myself.

Well, as soon as I flipped it open it was a bit of a HALLELUJAH moment.

WEIGHT WATCHERS.

My old friend.  I've missed you.  Geez I wonder if my gain of 2 kilos might have something to do with the fact that I'M NOT TRACKING MY FOOD? ! WELL DERRRRRRR.

I paid the News master hastily as I couldn't wait to get home, prop myself up in bed & read all about this year's Healthy Life Award winners.
Can I just say it?  They are amazing!

As I read their tales of overcoming weight gain & discovering a new lease on life I was overcome with a mixture of excitement, drive, a touch of mania & this weird feeling of ....... MOTIVATION.

It was in that moment. In my sexy home made jungle pants boxer shorts, bleach stained over sized $4 Kmart shirt and totally unglamorous hair that I made a vow.
I raised my cup of Roobis Organic Tea above my head and proclaimed to Harvey the Pookah cat & to myself...

BY THE POWER OF GREY SKULL

 

NEXT YEAR I WILL BE THE WINNER OF THE WEIGHT WATCHERS HEALTHY LIFE AWARDS

 

I WILL BE ON THE COVER OF THE MAGAZINE WEARING SOMETHING UTTERLY FREAKING AMAZING WITH MY HAIR & MAKE UP ALL FANCY.

 

I WILL BE 65kg AND BE HEALTHY & FIT AS ALL SHIT.

 

 

Now, I am a right brained dame & a very visual person so the next day I spent some hard earned work time creating a fake WW magazine and printing it out on work's copier. (I'm sure the boss won't mind). I admit it's not particularly realistic but it will do.
I have blue tacked it near my mirror in my boudoir at home where I spend my time plastering my face with slap & primping & preening myself.

I understand that some of you out there might be thinking
"Oooo you stuck up MOLE. How vain can you be wanting to be all over the cover of a mag. What? Just so you can have people run up to you on the street I 'spose. Corrrr could you BE anymore up yaself?".

To the naysayers I say "Stick it up ya clackers". or in the words of Cartman "WHATEVER. I DO WHAT I WANT!"

So I have rejoined Weight Watchers on the ETools.
It feels comforting to be back.
I feel like I am in control again.

I'm back on the Weight Watchers Community boards again & it is so wonderful to be back in the warm arms & groping hands of my WW friends who are so supportive.

So keep your eyes peeled because in about 12 months I will be a fricking celebrity and you will be able to say "I knew her when she was a big boomba".

FOR MORE INFORMATION GO TO:  www.weightwatchers.com.au

oxoxoxoxxoxoox

GRAMMAR: The Difference between knowing Your Shit and You're Shit

Firstly, could I please draw your attention to a brand new fandangled feature on my blog.
The YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: doovy whatzit under each blog post! *
This will allow you to quickly zip back in time and have a gander at some of my posts from days of yore. Thrilling shit I'm sure you'll agree! *may contain traces of things that you may not actually like

OK moving on......

I have a real passion for words and in particular ETYMOLOGY.
No I do NOT like cutting open giant cockroaches or pinning butterflies to bits of corkboard.
I'm not talking ENTOMOLOGY.
Etymology is the study of the history of words, their origins, and how their form and meaning have changed over time.

For example:  THROW IN THE TOWEL (an expression I tend use a lot)
:  The reference is to the sponges used to cleanse combatants' faces at prize fights. One contestant's manager throwing in the sponge would signal that as that side had had enough the sponge was no longer required. In recent years, towels have been substituted for sponges at fights, and consequently in the expression too.

I've started listening to a podcast on my drive home. It is from 612 ABC radio called "A Word in Your Ear" with Professor Roly Sussex.

May I say "I am hooked obsessed, addicted & enamoured".
This is the link: www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2013/01/18/3672325.htm

I am fascinated by words and have a number of favourite words.

- maelstrom
- onomatopoeia
- succulent
- succubus
- haberdashery
- gallivant

I love discovering new exciting words & learning more about grammar. It turns out that I have been misusing apostrophes. I was always taught that if a name ends in S then when you are talking ownership, the apostrophe goes AFTER. Not so says Rowly!
eg:  Mrs Hooks cushion
 I thought was Mrs Hooks' cushion BUT NO it is Mrs Hooks's cushion!
I KNOW RIGHT?!!!

I've also decided that I have been using the word AWESOME way too much and the phrase ALL OF A SUDDEN.  From now on you will see my blog is peppered with fancy words such as astonishing, brilliant, wondrous and stupefying.
Don't worry I shall be continuing to use my age old favourite words such as Fuck, Shit, Dag, Grouse and Bum.

===================================================

A quick gym tale

Yesterday I was at the gym doing my cardio (I neglected to do my SSS on the weekend... I know I know) and when I was finished I lay on a mat in the far corner of the gym, doing my best to hide behind the torture device otherwise known as the Cross fit machine.  I was covered in a thin film of sweat & was focusing on stretching out my abs like a cat on a driveway. I lay on my back inhaling deeply & repeating my post workout affirmation "What's for tea tonight? Did I defrost the fish?"
I opened my eyes and screamed
"HOLY FUCKIN SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" at top note.
The Mighty Wez was hovering over me staring down at me like a staffie looking at a grisle covered bone .
"JESUS CHRIST!" I once again shrieked.
The Might Wez slapped me on the shoulder (almost dislocating it), smiled & spoke
" Keep it up Soldier" then then walked away.
I hurriedly gathered up my things & power walked to the toilet to check my daks.
Phew.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

SO MY FAVOURITE DEVOTEES & PARTISANS WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE WORDS?

"How did you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?" - Karen Walker

It's Friday Friday

Gotta Git Down on Friday.

Everybody's Lookin' forward to the Weekend Weekend!

I've had a good week this week.  I have been to the gym everyday & did my 12wbt workouts.
The Mighty Wez even smiled at me yesterday.... at least I think it was a smile. The corners of his mouth were curved upwards. He might have been visualising peeling the skin off my body & making a backpack out of it though. I did a quick nervous smirk back, then put my head down & hurriedly made for the hamstring machine.

Still representing Da WW Crew

I astounded myself yesterday at work by thinking to myself "I can't wait to get to the gym this arvo".
At first I was concerned that I had once again forgotten to take my magical happy pills & the voice in my head had suddenly taken on the persona of Jillian Michaels, but no, I really AM enjoying being back into exercise again.

Today I awoke to a tightness in my abdominal region which has confirmed that I DO have some sort of muscles in my mid section & not just multiple layers of blubber. The walk up the steps at work caused my hammies (that's gym speak for ham strings) to groan.

Everyday, bit by bit I am transforming myself into a leaner, fitter, stronger, much vainer egotistical me.

 

 

I don't want those freaky six pack abs or that weird V thing just above your front undie line.
I just want to smooth out all those lumpy bumpy bits and tighten up the saggy baggy things.
To be honest, I'd be happy to get to a size 14. It would be nice to look in the mirror & think "not too bad Vickster Not Too Bad" instead of recoiling from my reflection in horror & running from the room shrieking "Don't Look at Me Don't Look at Meeeeeeeee!" 
I just want to feel good in a figure hugging Hawaiian frock instead of feeling like a wild pig wrapped in banana leaves for a hangi !

When I get under 80kg,  my reward is going to be a Bernie Dexter frock!
My GOAL is to be wearing this frock for New Years this year.

I LURVE her frocks so much! The fabrics and the styles & how feminine they are.
She is amazing.

www.bernie-dexter.myshopify.com

MY NYE GOAL FROCK

Have a fully rad weekend every one. Be Safe.

Tomorrow, I've got my first Super Saturday Session in a long time. ... This is going to be interesting.
Maybe I should get Mighty Wez to sit near me & glare at me to keep me going!!


xoxooxxooxox

Liebster Blog Award

I have been nominated for a Liebster Blog Award by the Julie at www.julieinthemaking.wordpress.com Thank you so much!
At first I didn't know what the Liebster Award was & thought I had to start planning my outfit for some sort of awards ceremony like the 1954 Oscars but it's not THAT kind of award..... bummer.....

The Liebster Award provides a fun and easy way to get to know other new bloggers (you must have under 200 followers).  You then must also nominate 10 other blogs. What a warm welcome into the blogging community, this is a great way to meet new bloggers like yourself as well as get people to learn about you.

The Liebster Award Rules:

1. You must link back to the person who nominated you.
2. You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you.
3. You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers. (I don't know 10 blogs so I have 7)
4. You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.

The Questions I was asked and I would also ask of my nominated bloggers are:

1. The best place you have ever visited.

Japan. I loved everything about the country (except for their terrible animal rights views that is).
I loved how bizarre the Japanese people are. So traditional, lovely & polite and yet so wacky.
If I didn't have to work I would totally live in Japan. Everything from the food, the crazy shops & toys to the beautiful gardens & architecture. AMAZING.

2. Why do you blog?

To get the jumble of random weird thoughts out of my head and to hopefully bring a smile to my reader's faces. I hope that people read my blog and have a laugh.  My life is an open book and I try to 'keep it real' and honest. Yes that means I sometimes write about my bowel motions.

3.  Margarita or Pina Colada?

Neither. I gave up the turps in March 2012 after about 20 years of alcohol abuse. That Nestle non-alcoholic Pina Colada drink isn't too bad (full of bloody sugar though).
My liver & my brain thank me everyday!

4. The best meal you have ever eaten.

I used to absolutely LOVE a meal that my Poppy (Grandfather) would cook when we were growing up. This might repulse some of you but it was fried lambs fry, bacon, onion on mashed potato (made with cream) & gravy served with fresh white bread laden with 1cm thick Western Star butter.
I am salivating just thinking about it. I've said that if I was on death row & could request one last meal it would be that.
He also did a mean steak and kidney stew. Offal featured heavily in my childhood diet LOL.

5. Three people you would like to invite to a dinner party and why?

Stephen Fry, Karl Pilkington & My Husband.  The three funniest people in the world I reckon. I could listen to Mr Fry & Mr Pilkington's musings about life for hours.  I couldn't have a dinner party without my best friend, my husband.
It would also have to be catered by Heston Blumenthal and involve nitrous gas and an entire creature on a spit roast with gravy leaking out of it's orifices.

6. If money was no object what would you do all day?

Travel, travel and travel some more (first class of course) -  punctuated by episodes of intensely decadent oily massages, wonderful exotic foods and afternoon naps.

7. Your all time favourite movie.

Oh I have SO SO many. "Harvey" with Jimmy Stewart, "Finding Nemo" and "Goonies".

8. If you could travel back in time what year would you go back to?

1981. The music was awesome. Technology was simpler and you could buy Barsony Lamps for $20 and 1950s frocks for $10. 

9. Are you a morning or night person?

Definitely a morning person. I am zonked out & drooling by 9pm at the latest.
I particularly love pre-dawn before the loud world has woken up.
I like to sit out on the porch with a cuppa & listen to the quiet with that slight chill in the air. Wonderful.

10. What is your favourite page on my blog?

"10 reasons why I like Not Smoking".   I can totally relate. I gave up the darbs about 5 years ago after smoking full on for about 20 years (yep I started when I was 14).
I did cut back over the years... not in quantity... in dosage.
I started with PJ Virginias & ended up sucking on the more feminine Alpine Ultra Milds.
I also read Alan Carr's book & believe it was his that pushed me over the line to actual quitting.
Well, that & I realised that I could either spend $50 a week on a carton of durries OR buy more clothes.  Clothing wins everytime.
I see people smoking now & can't imagine putting a feelthy durry in my mouth now.  Icky.

My Nominated Blogs:

www.sheribomb.com.au
www.lorributera.blogspot.com.au
www.cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com.au
www.theblogofjules.blogspot.com.au
www.finding-carol.blogspot.com.au
www.alicejeans.blogspot.com.au
www.talkingfrankly.net

Please link back to me when you have posted as I would love to read your answers.
Thanks

The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you if you just lower your expectations.” - Phil Dunphy

Well it's only taken 3 weeks, 2 trips to the after hours doctors, 5000 Codral tablets and 100 Sudafeds (approximately) but my bronchies have finally cleared up and I'm almost back to my normal zanzy self again.
I'm expecting a letter any day now from Mr Terry White to thank me for covering his mortgage repayments for the next month!
Geez Louise I've never had a lurgy hang on like this one. Total & utter bastard.

So I am back on track .....

 

I joined one of those 24/7 gyms a month ago. I joined a gym?  Yes I joined a gym.... shut up.

It's one of those no-nonsense gyms with shit loads of equipment and fancy treadmills that you can even log onto your face book on the screen while you are sprinting! It has 'around the world' running simulators so you can pretend you are jogging along Venice beach instead of staring out the window at the bogans in their hotted up Skylines sitting in the Subway car park.
The bloke who runs the gym is ... to put it bluntly... fucking scary. He is cut as. I think he is some sort of MMA champ and looks like he may have been a punk skinhead in the day. I call him Mighty Wez after the big dude in Mad Max. I avoid eye contact with him because before I got sick, I was doing some squats when he came striding over to me and boomed " No no no. It's better to get ya bloody technique right then waste bloody time doin' it wrong!"
"mmmmkay" I whimpered while I thumbed my earphones nervously.
"Permission to touch?" he ordered
"yes?" I squeaked
He then grabbed my waist and showed me how to do the squat properly.
"Remember it!" he barked & strode back to a cowering girl who was about to start a PT session with him.
I nearly answered "YES SIR SARGENT SIR!" but instead whispered meekly "k".

The 12wbt is now up to week five so I am behind a bit but that's OK. Each week I have printed out the workouts.  Today I will start at the beginning.  Week One Day One.

I even splashed out & got myself some swish new (freaking expensive) joggers that are all hip & cool colours so I am now trendy. (not really as I mostly only ever wear black 3/4 pants with a ratty over sized black band T-shirt & a scowl when I exercise).

I've been pretty good with my food & on the weekend thought I would try out a couple of recipes from the I Quit Sugar website.  I thought about completely cutting out sugar from my diet but then quickly gave myself an upper-cut and a stern talking to. As IF I could ever live a life without delightful sweeties.
And seriously, what is the point of LIVING if you can't have (as a treat of course *cough*) some sort of disgustingly rich desert dripping with cream & calories?!!
Also, I love fruit so .... BUGGER THAT.
However, I DO love trying new recipes & if I can find a healthy(ish) alternative than I'll give it a crack.  So I made COPHA FREE chocolate crackles & raspberry ripple .
Here are the links:
www.sarahwilson.com.au/2012/04/my-sugar-free-raspberry-ripe-2
www.iquitsugar.com/recipe/copha-free-chocolate-crackles

OH MY FREAKING GAWD!
So easy to make & so so yum
The raspberry ripple is very very rich but tastes like a cherry ripe.
Next time I will blend up the berries a bit & pore the mixture into chocolate moulds. The chocolate crackles were awesome. Not sweet but still chocolaty. I took them all to a family picnic on Sunday & the family devoured them.
They got a BIG thumbs up from the 9 year old & 7 year old nieces too!

I look forward to trying some more recipes from the website. I like looking for healthier sweet alternatives to my usual Neenish tart or Cadbury-whatever-I-lay-my-hand-on-first sugar (emotional eating) fixes.

Today I had the most delicious lunch from the 12wbt recipes.
Chicken Salad with grapes, walnuts & feta. I just LOVE a nice clean salad & the weather is now getting warmer so I will be eating lots more. I am a particular fan of fruit in salads too.

If you have any recipes PLEASE share them with me!

 

I'm so excited that SPRING is here!!

I have a stack of exciting things coming up in the following months that I can't wait to share with you.

 

xoxoxoxoxoox

Mz V

Oh Lord It's Hard to be Humble when You're Perfect in every Way.

Oh Lord It's Hard to be Humble when You're Perfect in every Way.

I can't Wait to look in the Mirror. I get better lookin' Each Day.

 

These are the lyrics to the song by Mac Davis that my Father used to sing top note almost everyday I grew up in our old pre-1900s house in Oakey.

My Christening 1972

My Father.

Denis.

Better known to everybody within a 100km radius of Oakey as

SPIKE.

My relationship with my Father over the years could be described as tumultuous, interesting, frustrating, awful & hilarious.

My fondest memories of Spike are from my early youth.

Sitting on the floor at my Poppy's (Dad's Dad) feet watching "Sale of the Century", Dad would always answer the questions before the contestants. I don't think there was anything he wasn't an expert on. I would stare up at my Dad in absolute wonder.
When Tony Barber would ask "Who am I?" within the first 3 statements Dad who fire off the answer & then bang his fist on the arm of the chair in frustration when it took ages for the contestant to get it.

Friday nights were chips and kabana night from the Cecil Café. (not the Devon Café. The Devon Café was for Wogs Dad explained) Dad would arrive home from work & we would all sit on the floor in the lounge & be drooling in anticipation as he unwrapped these deep fried delights from this week's edition of the Oakey Champion newspaper. No plates for this, only lashings & lashings of the finest condiment you could buy at Jack The Slasher.... Holbrooks Worcestershire Sauce.
We would chow down while Dad pushed into the VCR "Billy Joel live" or "Dolly Parton Live".  It didn't matter that we had already seen them a thousand times,  we never grew tired of listening to them. My favourite song was "Me & Little Andy" by Dolly Parton.   Sometimes Dad would get us up for a dance around the lounge especially when Billy Joel sang "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant".
"The trick" he explained "is to never move your feet".  So we would stand on the spot & just twist our upper body around.

Cheeky old bugger

The biggest treat ever though was .... every once in a while I would be awoken by Dad really early on a Sunday morning before the sun was up. "Shhhhh Skipper" he would whisper and we
would sneak out of the house with me still in my Smurf PJS.  (Skipper was the nickname he called me. Skipper was Barbie's little sister)  We would drive down to the newsagent & he would by the Sunday Mail and a one litre bottle of Coca-Cola.  Now this was circa 1979 so this was the awesome green GLASS bottle of Coke.  Dad would drive the car to the Oakey Bears football oval where we would sit & share the bottle.  Dad would read the paper while I read the cartoons overlooking the mist covered grounds filled with hundreds of galahs & cockatoos. Dad swore years later that the quality of burps from those glass bottles shit all over the ones from these new fancy poofy plastic bottles that Coke comes in now.

He was full of bizarre sayings & advice. His way of greeting people on the street or in his favourite pub The Grand was to ask "How's ya belly where the pig nipped ya?"
If you told him something he didn't know his response would always be "I see said the blind man who couldn't see at all". 
If I asked him if I looked alright he would tell me that I looked "as smooth as a 10 inch poop".
But I think my favourite saying of Spike's was when anyone asked him "So what do you know?"
He'd answer

EGGS DON'T BOUNCE.

THERE'S NO BONES IN TRIPE AND

SHIT'S GOOD FOR THE GARDEN.

Fast forward many many moons & Spike now resides in the Oakey Nursing Home. He's only 63 but he has dementia.  The type of dementia he has affects his speech & problem solving. He has no problem with his memory (yet). He knows what a coffee cup is, what it used for & how to make a cuppa but if you asked him what it was he would probably answer "There were five of them & then it's done".  He can still be a surly cantankerous old prick but he has mellowed a lot.

On the weekend, for Father's Day we took him to the Meringandan Pub for a huge feed.

As he sipped on his scotch that twinkle in his eye that I remember from my youth appeared as he sighed "That's good that's bloody good". 
We made fun of him and gave him a good jibbing and his mouth curved up into that bloody cheeky grin that has gotten him out of many a blue over the years.

"Ya havin a good father's day Dad?" I ask

"She took one. Then it went over there. And it was GOOD." He replied smiling.

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY SPIKE