Winners & Losers

CRIKEY! I'm one of the winners in the Nominate The Best Blog in the Whole Cosmos Comp!

Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who nominated me.

I will think of you everytime I sip on my cup 'o' tea from Tin Tonic and while sathering my face in Dermaviduals skin care products. I'm so excited!

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER!

Well sort of..................

I woke up this morning & it was as cold as a nude nun's nancy when I jumped on the scales.

86kg. Gain of 1.2kg.

Not surprising. I'm not too worried. Obviously my alien pods (follicles) must weigh 130g each.

Today my tummy looks somone has shoved a partly deflated netball down my pants.

Bloaty bloaty bloaty.

I will definately be back on the programme as far as the hardcore killer diller exercise goes for Round 6. I will be back when I am finished being used as a human pin cushion. I am still following the eating program though.

I'm off into hospital on Friday for THE HARVESTING. Bring orn the morphine baby!!!!

So for the next Week (week 5) I will be a bit sore & sorry (& walking a bit funny) and the doc has said that I should refrain from doing any strenuous activity.

Activities I deem as being strenuous:

Cooking

Cleaning / Washing up

Making cups of Earl Grey

Reaching my bedside table for my latest issue of Frankie magazine.

I wanted the doc to give me a list in writing of things that will help assist to get a positive result with the IVF. eg: foot massages, stoking my hair, ducking to the video store to get me more movies to watch, neck massages, constant praise. Alas my doctor said no.. all I need is to take it easy.

Geez.

I'm spewing that the weather is so crappy as I would LOVE to get out in the sun & go for a walk to get my ovulation juices flowing. Instead I am stuck in my meat freezer office with my fire hazard $5 bar heater from Aldi wrapped up in le faux fur.

As my obstetrician says "It's a big thing when you look into it".

SSS stands for Sleeping, Sweets & Stuff-all doesn't it?

So I asked people to nominate my blog for Mish's Ultimate Blog of The Century competition and you guys have been amazing with your obviously delusional fanfare. I've had a bit of a re-read of my previous posts & I've realised that if there was an award to biggest phoney I would probably win.
I had a bit of a read of some of the other blogs nominated & well... roll me in sprinkles & call me Julie..... did you know that most of the other people doing this 12wbt are ACTUALLY giving 100%!
They are following the plan to a T exercising like the billy-os and doing maniac stuff like running up & down shiteloads of stairs at Kangaroo Point.
Now THEY are inspirational... or insane... your call.
My biggest problem at the moment is I still wear the sash Miss Apathy 1956 (ok 2012).

Since starting Round Two 4 weeks ago I've had the black plague horror lergy and now am doing IVF.
The fabulous *sarcastic font* side effects of IVF are the constant feeling that you are going to hurl chunks, a feeling like your reproductive organs have jalapeno juice flooding through them, your tummy swells up like you've injested a water balloon full of hot water and you feel like somebody has slipped a date rape sleepy drug into your morning coffee. Crikey I simply cannot WAIT to experience pregnancy!!! (sarcastic font in upper case).
Last week I went to the gym on Mon Tues & Wed only. Each night I stepped out of the gym which backs onto the leagues club bistro and very nearly vomited up my Mount Franklin water. All I could smell was a mix of old cooking fat & bain-marie scrambled eggs.
Fast forward to the weekend when I had to introduce needle #2 which I suspect may be inseminating me with some sort of alien spawn.
I was going to go & do my SSS but I ran out of time because we were hosting a BBQ at The Pad (something that NEVER happens) and so I was running around like a blue-arsed fly cleaning my house. (There is nothing like having people over to get you off of your arse & finally clean the gecko poo off of the walls in the dunny).
"Tomorrow" I lamented "Tomorrow I will do the SSS".
At the BBQ I drank my Diet Saxby's Ginger Beer (still off the grog) but ate some sausages and had chips n dip. Treat meal anyone?

The next day the weather was icky icky icky and farrreeeezing. Overcast & drizzly. I awoke to the feeling that I was already in my first trimester of pregnancy & morning sickness had arrived. The thought of going to the gym made the bile rise in my guts.
So TBF & I literally stayed in bed all day watching "Dexter Season 6". I made the mistake of bringing into the bed a 10kg dish of leftover cashews from the BBQ which we mindlessly devoured while watching Dex stab his way through each episode.
Finally around 5pm I needed to stretch my legs which were starting to develop bed sores when there was a knock at the door. Our neighbour's daughter bought us a piece of mudcake the size of a computer harddrive. Some sort of animalistic fever overtook TBF & I and we tore into the cake like a pack of lions into a baby antelope.
Licking the red icing from our lips like blood we looked at eachother overcome with guilt & shame.
WHY OH WHY DID I DO THAT!?

I want to say that I will make it up this week but I'm not sure if I will people. I still have 4 days of vommy injections & I 'll be in hospital on Friday for *cue the ominous music* THE HARVESTING.

I know Mish says JUST FREAKING DO IT take a teaspoon of cement & the harden the hell up but I'm sorry for the next Week I think I'll JDALBOI (Just do a little bit of it). I WILL stick to the food programe and I will do SOME exercise but not really really full on. My alien follicles don't like it when I exhurt myself too much.
I'm hoping that the incredible nauseau is a POSITIVE thing & it means that my little ovaries are reacting the way they should be. Dr says it's all good.
So I'm sorry if my blog isn't exactly a super motivational 12wbt blog but sometimes life (or trying to create life) gets in the way a bit.
In the words of George Michael ...

CHOOSE LIFE.
XOXOXOXOXOXO

Stuff Dieters Say

Ew. Seriously? So Gross.

The Fairy Tale of Princess Vicki

Once upon a time there lived a fair maiden princess called Princess Vicki. She was young, she was fit and lived with a prince in a lovely mid-century modern castle. Life was good. She worked in a very busy job that kept her active, she would go out dancing Lindy-hop 3-4 nights a week. She was very social and had alot of fun.

However, after a while the prince stopped loving her and became more & more distant. To cope with this the princess had a love affair with another prince called Prince Dan Murphy and his father King 2008 Merlot. More time passed & the princess became more & more depressed until one day she decided that she had had enough.  The Black Dog had come to visit & he was strong.
Luckily she came to her senses & quickly ran to the kingdom's doctor where she was diagnosed that she had been inflicted with the dreaded Biplor curse.
She went on medication & started to feel alot better, however, this medication came with a price. The side effect of sanity was weight gain.
Many moons passed & soon the prince & the princess decided that I was better to part ways.
The princess moved into a new castle & started life anew. With this new found freedom she began to eat & drink alot more because she didn't have anybody to tell her she couldnt' anymore.
To celebrate her independence she decided to host a banquet for all of her friends in the village.
One of the guests at this party was the local lumberjack. As soon as the princess laid eyes on him she was bewitched. Twas love at first sight.
The lumberjack who was a great hulking man truely loved the princess more than anything and loved her just the way she was.
They moved quickly into another castle in another kingdom in the magical seaside of Redcliffe.

On their wedding day the princess put on her best smile as she walked down the aisle. On one hand she was so incredibly happy to be marrying the man of her dreams but on the otherhand she despised the way she looked and when she looked in the mirror she didn't see a princess she saw only a fat hideous hag.
The princess had never been loved & cared for like this before in her life & wanted nothing more than to spend all her waking time with her bearded giant.
So she stopped going to the gym because all she wanted to do was get home from work & be with him. She loved spending all her time on the couch snuggled into his big manly arms.
She stopped worrying about what she was eating because he loved her no matter what her size. She ate because she didn't have to worry anymore about what she looked like.
However, whenever she would drink the Black Dog curse would appear again and send her into a spiralling depression. This in turn would make her eat even more.
Gradually her weight increased & increased.
One day Princess Vicki looked at herself in her magic mirror and was horrified by the image that stared back at her. 

She sat down with her husband and weeping told him that she hated herself. Loathed herself. She had stopped going to parties & dances because she was so embarrassed by how she looked and thought people were laughing at her. She told him that some very unkind words that some people had said to her which made her not want to be around people anymore.
Thankfully her husband took her in his arms & told her that he would support her 100%.
The Princess decided that she should not drink anymore.
She decided that she would take control and try to be the best person she could be. She contacted the local witch doctor Michelle Bridges and began a routine of eating WHOLE foods. She began to exercise again. At first it wasn't easy but as time went on she found that she felt alot better.
Mentally, she, for the first time in her life, began to be kind to herself.
And even though she still just wants to race back to the castle after her day working she knows that by going to the gym she is making a better healthier future for both of them.
Occasionally, The Black Dog still follows her home but she now knows that best ways to keep that mutt away. Good sleep, healthy food and quiet times.
And so Princess Vicki... WILL.... live happily ever after.
THE END.

Let the Sun Shine In. Face It With a Grin.

Brrrrrrrr This morning when I jumped onto the scales it was so cold if my nipples were any harder I would have started to lactate ice cream.

84.8kg.

A LOSS OF 500G!

A winter miracle... Well not really...

I've finally gotten over the hideous black plague lergy and am finally feeling human again. I'm back on the exercise train and am eating da good stuff. What's surprising is a loss at TTOM. Not only that but thanks to IVF injections my reproductive organs are a tsunami of hormones which would normally have me bloated up like a baby humpback on a beach in summer.

So that is a total loss of 5.4kg since beginning Round One.

HIGH FIVE!

I was starting to feel really yucky. Unmotivated. A Bit Depressed. No Energy. At first I thought this was a sign that was simply starting to feel like normal everyday self again but then I realised that I had a touch of the SADS. As in Seasonal Affective Disorder. When I leave for work it is quite dark and when I finish it is getting dark. My hell-hole... I mean my office at The House of the Screaming Radish (the nickname for my work).... gets no sun thanks to the highrises that have now been built across the road. Now anyone can tell by my milky white albino fluroscent skin that I am no sun-bunny but I know that a daily dose of Vitaman D is good for you. 
For more information on Light Therapy being used as a natural therapy for depression & mental health go to:
http://www.mhfa.com.au/cms/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/whatworks_depression.pdf

So this week I have taken myself, my book and my 12wbt approved lunch over to the park for lunch in the sun. The sun on my face feels so good. And it's a good escape from the sound of phones ringing.

It was so tempting to jump onto one of those city cycle deadly treadlies and simply pedal off into the horizon and never return to my freezing cold work place.

Whilst I'm definately NOT an advocate of slathering your body in Coconut Oil LeTan & roasting yourself for hours in the Aussie sun I do believe that a little bit of sun is good for your soul.

So Open Up Your Heart and Let The Sun Shine In.

PS: Thank you to everybody who has nominated me for the

International 12wbt Blog of the Universe competition.

Ya blood's worth bottlin'

Everyone's a Winner Baby That's No Lie. 12wbt Blog comp.

Well Well Well This week's Surprise is right up my alley.
At the end of each 12 weeks, Mishy Baby  awards a prize to the Blogger of the Round.
Now come ON people. This has got MZ VICKI written all over it like a public dunny door is covered in niko! I can nominate myself or I can blackmail, threaten or beg people to nominate me.

The winners will recieve one of 10 x Dermaviduals Skin Care Packages valued at $240 and a Tea Tonic Travel Tin Set and Tea Pot Valued at $95.
Entries close next Saturday 23rd June 6pm.
Submit your entries by listing your blogs web address in this week's Weekly Surprise Forum Thread.

These are the conditions:

You should make between 1 - 3 posts per week (this means that I will be upping the antey & will be delighting yawl with even more pics of my Bert Newton head all red & sweaty after SSS, more pictures of bowls of soup with strategically placed croutons and more word of inspiration & encouragement like "Cmon Lardie get off your arse because if an albino chubba-wubba pin up like me can do it than you can!")

Each post should be between 300 - 1000 words (so you'll be getting alot more rivetting posts about all the exciting weightloss things I did.eg: I got up & walked to the photocopier 5 times today instead of 2 and I didn't eat an iced vovo for morning tea & I nearly vomited AGAIN while running)

Your posts are in line with our Copyright Policies (eg. not reposting 12WBT content) (oops I cut & pasted about 3/4 of this post.... FAIL)

Your personality shows through whilst still adding value to others (not sure if I should let my REAL personality show through as the over use of the F word might not sit well with the judges... however at least I am keeping it real. From now on I may have to pretend that I'm a NICE girl)

You make good use of images and use them to enhance a post (I've got this totally nailed what with my extensive collection of images from someecards, Pinterest & Tumblr not to mention my grainy photoshopped photos of myself taken in the gym dressing room.)

The blog is well laid out, easy to read and eye catching (I think even a cross-eyed juggling bus driver could navigate the paragraphs of my blog.)

You includes a short personal bio and an About section (Hmmmm I might have to work on this.. You know ... talk myself up a bit... I may have to ummmmm elaborate on the truth a bit.. you know.. to make myself more interesting)

Your blog is on topic and adds value to readers even if they aren't participating in the current round of 12WBT (I try to keep my blog on the topic of weightloss, healthy eating & a deep-seated hatred of burpees and Lorna Jane clothing)

Your posts are motivating, inspiring, interesting and leave readers wanting more! (Hmmmm I think I have to work on this one)

Anyway if you are doing 12wbt & would like to nominate me I think that'd be grouse.
I'd really like the skincare, teapot & the bragging rights to say that Mish chose my blog.

SICK AND TIRED

SNIFF SNORT HACK WHEEZE MOAN GROAN

Just in time for my long weekend away at Coffs for Wintersun I came down with the dreaded lurgy. Not just the dreaded lurgy but the mega uber super fantastic epic lurgy.
This year's flu is a real corker. Not content with providing the sufferer with boring old blocked sinuses & a bit of an annoying cough.. oh no....this flu decided to wide up the ball at the plate & hit the poor unsuspecting soul with a veritable buffet of whoas.
Barbed wire in the throat with sinus pain that felt like someone was punching me in the face but from the inside out, body aches, weakness, headaches, snotty nose, chapped lips, hot & cold flushes & zero energy. I looked like the pin up girl for Zombie Apocolypse Home Girls. No amount of Cover Girl Ivory Matt Powder was going to cover up that red nose & grey complexion.
Finally today I am coming good & feel like I am back in the land of the living. The craving for brains has also gone.
I was NOT looking forward to today's weigh in.
Thankfully I have stayed the same weight.
Not surprising considering I haven't done a scrap of exercise for the last almost 2 weeks.
I haven't done a single SSS since this round began!!! The Horror. For shame Mz Vicki.
I'm back into it today though and am hoping to do a Jim Morrison & Break On Through To the Otherside of 85kg by next Wednesday.
I can only assume that I must have burnt some calories on the weekend by moaning incessantly & shuddering violently in the Antarctic temperatures of Coffs Harbour.
I did manage to cut a rug on Saturday night though thanks to spending $5000 at Terry White & doping myself to the eyeballs with every cold and flu medicine known to mankind.

Me with Ray the birthday boy at Wintersun

I swear I was inhaling that Difflam throat spray like a crazed opium junkie. The only problem was that my crazy Lindy Hopping only served to get me overheated (& tear my frock) which made me even worse and more irritable.
However, I have gotten better and the skies have cleared just in time to go back to work again. Hallelujah!!
I'm getting stuck into the honey & ginger tea and drinking lots of water.
I'd like to say that I didn't comfort eat over the weekend but I have witnesses that saw me devouring those calamari rings & potato scallops at that roadside dinner.
****************************************************
I promise to write more interesting & funny blogs in the coming weeks when I get back to my normal healthy whining self.
JFDI *sniff*
xoxooxxooxoxox