Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say Ni at will to old ladies.

Well my break didn't last very long did it?

 

What do you think of my new look blog?

All floral n shit with fancy instagram scrolling piccy thingy.

Ooooooo So frou-frou. I even worked out how to reply individually to your comments!

 

Well I've got to tell you... the last two weeks have been.... in one word....

FUCKED

 

FUCKED WITH A BIG CAPITAL F

 

I'm not going to go into it in great details but to sum it up:

My Mummsy got really really crook & got rushed to hospital (she is at home & recovering now)

TBF's family received some terrible terrible sad family news.

Then I got the totally shitfull coughing flu where you simply cannot sleep because as soon as you lie down you start hacking up your lungs until you are literally dry retching over the toilet bowl & you start believing that your guts will any moment come shooting out of your throat.
I also lost all dignity as the persistent evil coughing caused a weakening in my pelvic floor & I had to start wearing Poise at night. Oh the humanity.
Turns out I have bronchitis. In the words of the new Oprah, Sweet Brown "Ain't Nobody Got Time Fer Dat!".

Thankfully the horrific hacking from my swollen bronchis has abated but I am still feeling a wee bit like warmed up crud.

Frickin typical. I signed up for the 12wbt & I haven't been able to start!
I SHOULD be starting on Monday fingers crossed.

I've had enough time now to get my brain back into gear & I am ready to start boring the pants off you with tales of my shenanigans again.

Have you checked out my new page WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT (at the top) ?

Funnily enough it explains what my blog is all about!!

 

REMEMBER:

I'm always after feedback of what you would like me to blog about and what I can do to improve my blog. My humungus earlobes are waiting for your call.

 

I've missed yawl.

xoxoxoxoxox

I'll be back

Howdy my wonderful blog readers!

I have decided to have a bit of a hiatus from blogging for a while.

I have a lot of crazy personal stuff happening at the moment and I just need to focus on myself & my family for awhile.

I'm going to do a bit of a Homer Simpson & head out into the desert to find my spirit guide. I would like to think mine would take the form of a Slow Loris or a capybara wearing a bandana.

Don't worry though it won't be long I'm sure and I will be back in your inbox rambling on with all matter of inane shit.

Thanks for being so cool.


I'll see yawl soon.

xoxoxoxox

GREAZEFEST 2013

Before it all went pear-shaped in Stickyville TBF & I went to our super mega awesome annual event..

GREAZEFEST!!!!

This year there was none of that namby pambying around... we went the whole hog & got the WHOLE WEEKEND PASS.
Yep Friday night, Saturday, Saturday night AND (inhale) Sunday (exhale).
If you have been living in a cave in the hills of Nimbin you may not have heard of Greazefest.
Well, it is only a massive weekend of craploads of bullshit awesome rockabilly bands, incredible jaw-dropping cars, market stalls of all sorts of retro (kinda) inspired things & stuff, fashion parades featuring models so gorgeous you start foaming like a ferret with rabies AND a whole bunch of crazy cool peeps both new & old.
For more info check out the web page:  http://www.greazefest.com/

While the whole 'retro' repro pin-up victory roll thang isn't MY cup of Earl Grey and frankly some of the outfits leave me scratching my head as to where they got their inspiration from & what 'look' they were going for, I love Greazefest for two things.

 

THE MUSIC AND TALKING SHIT WITH COOL PEOPLE.

I am there to catch up with friends, to meet new friends & to listen to the best rockabilly bands in Australia. Greazefest isn't a VINTAGE event. It is a music event with other stuff.
The stalls aren't my bag so guess what??? I don't go there. I'm not really into the cars so I don't look at them.
If you don't like something then only focus on what you DO like. (sorry about the rant but some negative people out there give me the shits)

The Stunning & super talented Elisse

FRIDAY NIGHT HIGHLIGHT

Getting my hair done by the exquisite beautiful Elisse of The Beauty Case on the Friday night. I had a vision of me looking IDENTICAL to the character Joan Holloway on Mad Men. So more of an early 1960s vibe.  OMG MY HAIR WAS FAB-U-LOUS!!!!!!
I look EXACTLY the same as Christine Hedricks (except for her figure, eye colour and height)

The Divine Billie

 

SATURDAY HIGHLIGHT : MODELLING Freddies of Pinewood for Western Wac

 

ERMEGHERD I was so flattered to be asked to model for the Vendors Fashion Parade.

I am a HUGE fan of the brand Freddies of Pinewood AND I lurve the shop Western Wac so it was my honour.  We decided (ok I kind of insisted) that I be a tough biker chick.

I was more of a giggly silly biker but I still had heaps of fun. They almost had to drag me off the stage! You can find the Western Wac shop in the Wooloongabba Antique Centre.

(Thank you to Say Cheesecake Photography for snapping these awesome pics )

 

 

 

SATURDAY NIGHT HIGHLIGHT: THE PALADINS & CATCHING UP WITH A STACK OF SUPER RAD SUPER STYLISH PEOPLE.

 

I love love love The Paladins from the USA. They are a sort of rockabilly/blues band. I saw them 500 million years ago at The Waterloo Hotel.  They were still brilliant.

My outfit for the Saturday night was inspired by a wagon-load of vintage western gals like Dale Evans, Patsy Cline & Sally Starr. I totally ADORE vintage western wear & as soon as I saw that Western Wac had a Rockmount  Ranch Wear tasselled red cowdie shirt I just HAD to have it.

Then I busted out the ole Brother 2000 machine & whipped myself up a matching skirt.

(ok I didn't just WHIP it up... it was a nightmare... but I got there in the end)

YEEEHARRRRRRRR

Another of my man crushes Mitch

I LOVE TBF's photobomb in this!

I got to meet the simply beautiful Emma who reads this blog!

SUNDAY HIGHLIGHTS:  EVERYTHING

 

By Sunday I was super knackered & frankly couldn't be stuffed getting all gussied up & so I went for a casual look.  We quickly snavelled a table & made that our home base for the day.

What a day! Chatting chatting chatting. laughing laughing laughing. groping groping. hugging hugging. talking talking. yawning yawning.

It was so brilliant to catch up with a heap of friends I haven't seen in ages but also to meet new exciting funny people that by the end of the day I felt like I had known for ever.

 

Thank GOODNESS TBF & I had the common sense this year to take the Monday off work.

My throat was so sore from so much talking and we were SOOOOOO tired!

And what better way to round off with a super yummo feast at Guzman Y Gomez in The Valley where we gorged ourselves senseless on burritos & nachos!

-------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much to Lori Lee of Robot Productions and her amazing staff of volunteers for putting on the best rockabilly music event EVER!

http://www.robot.com.au/

We can't WAIT for next year !!!!

TOTAL HORNBAGS

 

HERE COMES TROUBLE

 

Life's a Piece of Shit When you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true. - The Life of Brian

Hi everybody.  Well if you are on my Facebook or WW community page you would have read that TBF & I's IVF was unsuccessful.  On Wednesday I wasn't feeling too crash hot and by Thursday morning (3am thank you very much) I was in quite a bit of pain.
I rang Dr Smith who confirmed my worst fears.  It was over.

It's funny.  Ok it's not FUNNY har har. But funny in that I was almost relieved. Not relieved that I didn't get pregnant but relieved that it was over.
The waiting.

Oh sure TBF & I were very sad and frankly more than a bit shitted off but at least we now know.
No kiddies for us.
I think that this time we really went into the whole IVF bizzo with a totally different point of view.
We were better prepared emotionally for both outcomes.
Yes, it does make us want to punch walls when we see the wanker mums at Kippa-Ring feeding their little tots flippin Mother softdrink while blowing their Horizon Ultra mild into their newborns face while screaming at their shoeless infant to 'hurry the fuck up ya little shit' BUT.....

I don't know WHY God/Allah/Buddah/The Great A'tuin/The Universe/Charlie the Unicorn has decided in his/her/it's infinite wisdom NOT to give TBF & I a child and frankly I don't want to know.
I have nothing against grieving & feeling bad & swearing at the sky but I HATE wallowing in self pity. It must be in my Oakey raisin' .
Fuckin' shake it off. Stop ya snivvellin'. Harden Up. Stop ya sookin'. Brush yaself off  and just
GET THE FUCK ON WITH IT.

I have to admit that I did try to find some sort of reasoning & answers in the one place where a person is guaranteed to find solace and peace.  No not the bible.
PINTEREST.
I headed straight for the Quotes page. Surely CS Lewis, Oscar Wilde, Oprah or Dr Phil must have some shred of poetic meaning of life for me.
I was confronted with gag inducing pictures of butterflies. Pastel coloured images of dandelions & Labrador puppies with the words "Live in the Sunshine. Swim in the Sea. Drink the Wild Air" typed over.
OMG GET ME A BUCKET.
"Life is about using the Whole box of Crayons" ERRRGGGG VOMIT.
And the king of ALL quotes "Keep Calm and Carry On". JESUS WEPT!!

Yes I am harsh. I blame my parents. I was raised on a steady diet of Monty Python, Marmalade Atkins & Kenny Everett. None of that fancy stuff for us. Steakettes were considered a luxury & so was any ice-cream other than vanilla. We went through about 10 cats in the first 10 years of my life so we learnt very early about life & death. I guess it made me a bit HARD.

So finally, after surfing the blessed internet for more answers I finally find a couple that really have helped me emotionally and are more my style.  Grumpy Cat has ALL the answers.

TBF & I want to thank everybody who have sent us messages & comments of support, prayed & sent warm fuzzy positive vibes into my uterus. I guess Mr Sticky had other plans.
TBF & I will be A.O.K. We have each other's big Bert Newton head's to look at and a shitload of super grouse friends & family to share our lives with.

I shall be throwing myself face first into getting as fit as all get out. I've signed up to do the next Round of Michelle Bridges 12wbt which starts tomorrow. I joined the gym. Bought myself some totally bitching new runners and some weird funky Skins-like pants that make me look like a shiny black anaconda that has swallowed a boar.

I'm not sure what the future has in store for us but by God/Allah/Buddha/Great A'Tuin we are freaking ready
xoxoxoxoxo

When I meet a man, I ask myself "Is this the Man I Want My Children to spend their Weekends With?" - Rita Rudner

So yesterday was a big day of The Implant.

 

I was a wee bit apprehensive this time because my girlie bits still felt like someone had taken to my uterus with a jack hammer and I was a bit ouchy still.

we are the picture of calm

Soon enough, after reading at least one dozen Women's Health Magazines in the waiting room, it was time to go in & get jiggy wid it.
I was so glad TBF was there with me to hold my hand and make me laugh. While having the implant isn't as icky as the egg retrieval, it's not exactly as pleasant as say, having a hot oil massage by Tom Hardy. 

TBF & I had agreed that to get us 'in the mood' we would play some sexy lovin' music and as Dr Smith was getting ready we cranked up some Barry White.
We had to put a stop to his deep baritone singing pretty quick though, as I couldn't stop laughing which didn't help the doc keep a steady hand and the laughing was hurting my girlie parts. I was thinking of changing the song to "Slow Hand" by the Pointer Sisters but decided against it.
The nurse suggested that she could put on the CD of Enya they have in the player. I looked at her like I was going to stab her in the face with the speculum if she pressed play so she quickly retreated away.

After only about a minute Dr Smith was ready to implant the little sucker.
A quick parry & thrust that felt like he was spearing a pig on the spit with a barbeque fork and it was stuck into my uterus like splinter stuck in a thumb.
(it actually doesn't REALLY hurt THAT much. I tend to exaggerate. What? Noooooo)
Then, that was it... all done.

I felt pretty good.  A bit crampy & tired. The nurse told me that the progesterone pessaries make you feel very tired & washed out. Yep. I thought. That's how I feel. Bloddy washed out.
But happy & hopeful.

I shall name him Sticky.

I drove home & quickly changed into my daggiest most slovenly pair of trackie daks & the most comfortable rank T-shirt I owned, scrubbed the slap off my face and hunkered down into my minky blankie with a noice hot cup o tea and my book. Next thing I woke up at 5pm.

"Hay Monkey!". I called to TBF

"Yes Light of my Being?" he yelled back

"I've got an embryo in me gutz".

"We sure do". he replied "We sure do".

 

 

 

I would NOT make a good porn star.

Now we wait until the 12th August to have a blood test to find out if it has taken & we are pregnant.
Don't get too excited. Even if we are preggers that is NO guarantee that it will work.
Deep Breaths.

Luckily I have lots to keep me occupied.

This weekend is GREAZEFEST!! Only the biggest event on the vintage clothing rockabilly music calendar year. MASSIVE. Friday night. Saturday. Saturday night & Sunday.

NEWS FLASH!

I will also be strutting my stuff on the catwalk on Saturday in the fashion parade, modelling the awesome brand of Freddies of Pinewood for the brilliant western wear company Western Wac.
Oooooooo so exciting!!! I can't wait to catch up with all my friends from near & far and listen to freaking awesome music including one of my all-time favourite bands from the US called The Palladins. Last time I saw them was about 15 years ago!!! (showin' my age now!).
Naturally, I will be taking 500 million photos & doing a super duper blog about my rockin' & rollin with all the cool kats & kittens.
I shall be channelling Joan Holloway from Mad Men one night (bit more a 1960s style), Patsy Cline one other night, tough motorcycle broad & by Sunday when I'll be knackered it'll be the fuck-it-whatever-is-comfortable look. Yes I will still be taking it easy and sitting as much as possible.
(note- for my non-rockabilly readers this is incredibly hard at gigs as I just want to get up & dance all night)

Thanks everyone for your wonderful words of prayer & hope & well wishes.
I loves ya all.
If I could give you all a big slightly creepy lingering hug I would.
xoxoxxoxoxo

 

This is literally a picture of the embryo that was implanted. It is only about 1 MILLIMETRE round.

Fucking incredible isn't it!!

It looks a bit like an Oreo or a coffee stain.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit. - Bill Cosby

So on Wednesday TBF & I went into the big house for our big stabby jabbies.

SEXY

PAPER DIAPERS. CREEPY.

 

I wasn't feeling really nervous at all except for the biT about getting the drip thing in my arm. Yuck.
Luckily my anesthesiologist was lovely (he'd want to be for the amount of moola he must make in a day... crikey!)  As I was wheeled into the theatre all the nurses were friendly & chatty making me feel at ease. I made a comment to Dr Smith that it was good they didn't bring out the cling wrap like Dexter until after I'm asleep.  Only one nurse got the reference & I'm not sure if her gasp was one of laughter or disgust. After getting me to sign my life away they pushed the plunger down & I was off to the land of marshmallows & pixies.
Mmmmmmm.

Just lie still Mz Vicki & I'll have those eggs out in a jiffy.

 

When I awoke I was in the 'recovery' ward in what may be the most comfortable recliner chair in the universe. The nurse saw me begrudgingly open my eyes and mumble "Muopyyogduyssuouuo".

All I could think was "give me more of that fabulous stuff in the drip. I'm sooooooooo relaxed and I feel fuzzy."

Apparently, TBF walked in after his op & I slurred at him loudly " Zairrrrr he ifffs...... Da Big Felllasssssss. Zzzzzzzzzzz"

Pretty soon I was awake & scoffing down some incredibly tasteless sandwiches, the best cup of tea ever and an OJ. Then the wonder drugs wore off & the mega pain began.

 

"Farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrk" I exclaimed in a not very ladylike fashion "Jeeez I feel like I've been farking garroted by a rusty melon baller!!  Oooooo my poor prumpets...  Moannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

They quickly gave me shitloads Panadene Forte & I was sent on my way.

(probably so they didn't have to listen to my whining anymore)

 

We headed to the comfort of home, but not before stopping in and devouring a huge Big Dad's special Pie with the ferocity of a starving hyena eating a lame zebra. Disgusting really but I was ravenous.

 

Mmmmmm fark Mmmmmm

 

========================

Yesterday we got the phone call from the clinic that out of the out of the eight eggs... five were OK.

Then out of those five TWO of them have fertilised !!!!!

This is great news as you would know it only takes ONE of those little suckers to make a baby.

 

Tomorrow on Saturday we will get another phone call to update us on the progress of the little cells.

By tomorrow they should have split into 8 cells.

All going well we will have one to implant on Monday & hopefully maybe have one to wack in the freezer incase this doesn't work or if we are silly enough to want more..

In the meantime, I am still sore, crampy & tired and walking like I've been riding an all terrain mountain bike without the seat.

I'll be taking it easy this weekend with lots of sitting, lying down & kicking back.

Mummsy is coming to stay to take care of me.

 

 

Have a great weekend everyone and thanks again for all your well-wishes.

We can only keep our fingers crossed.

 

xoxoxoxoxoxo

The First few weeks of Weight Watchers, you're just finding your Feet - Jimmy Carr

On Sunday TBF & I were up at sparrows to get down to the Jetty2Jetty fun run at Woody Point.
We were there bright n early to help my sister in-law & her hubby set up their tent.
They run On The Pulse Physio at Margate. I'm not being biased but they are totally awesome.

We arrived at 6.15am and holy bloody stone the crows sweet Fanny Albright it was freeeeeezing.
It didn't take long to warm up though & pretty soon the area was pulsating with the adrenaline of thousands of runners, the smell of deep heat & B.O and the annoying doof-doof beats of Ministry of Sound Running Trax.

At long last it was time for me to step up & do the 5km.  Most of the WW crew were doing the 10km (those fit motivated buggers) so I started off with the in-laws. I told them that because I was walking it that they should go on without me & at the blast of the horn they were off like a rocket.
The Jetty2Jetty course is lovely. It goes along the Redcliffe foreshore and the weather was glorious!

I brisk walked the first 500 metres and then suddenly I was filled with a very strange feeling.
"What the heck?!" I pondered "OMG are my ovaries might be going to burst or maybe I am going to have diarrhea and poo everywhere!!!"
Then I realised what this foreign sensation was.....
I WANTED TO JOG.
I WANTED to jog?
I wanted to JOG!!
Well cover me in hundreds & thousands and call me pretty!
So off I went. "I'll just jog a little bit. I don't want to overheat my loins"
Strangely I found that I could actually jog for about 5 minutes without a break.
So I jogged/walked humming "Deceptacon by Le Tigre" as I smiled to myself in the warm sun.
As I crossed the finish line I realised that I WANTED TO KEEP GOING!!!???
If I wasn't 'with follicles' I feel that I could have done the 10km.
I was no where near as stuffed as previous runs that I've done.
Oh I was bright red but I turn bright red even after a particularly energetic egg whisking at breakfast.

It was a great day. The only bugger was that I had ordered Weight Matters Team T-shirts from Zazzle and even though it says delivery in 5-12 business days I am STILL fucking waiting. Of course, they don't have a phone number you can ring only a Customer Enquiry Email Form. I finally received a response from them. Partly saying:

Unfortunately, we don't have any more information regarding your shipment at this time. International deliveries are handled by a minimum of two different shipping services, and it is impossible to trace their exact whereabouts in transit. In rare cases, we have seen international packages take as many as six full weeks to reach their destination. It may seem like a long time to wait, but we are required to give the courier a substantial amount of time before we can pursue the matter as a lost international shipment.

Thankfully, the people who ordered a shirts from me were very understanding. Me??....Not happy Jan. F
reaking typical that I try to do something nice and create a TEAM and it goes arse up. *pouts*
At least me managed to get some group pics of the gang before the race.

 

I ended up finishing the race in 45.09 minutes which I'm pretty happy with. I thought it would take me over an hour.

 

 

=========================================================

IVF UPDATE

I had my second internal scan yesterday & it turns out my follicles have multiplied and I now have EIGHT eggs. Dr Smith says that my uterus is looking nice & plump and the eggs look good.

DR SMITH LOOK ALIKE

He asked if I had any cramping and when I answered Yes a bit he responded Gooood Goooood.
(Dr Smith doesn't want any pictures of him on my blog so I will just put this photo up to give you an indication of what he looks like. It's almost IDENTICAL. )
Last night I had my final injections of Gonal & Cetrotide & also another one which is my TRIGGER (it induces ovulation). I preferred to imagine that TBF was injecting me with Adamantium.
(Adamantium is a very dense, artificial, iron-based alloy that is virtually indestructible. A sufficient amount is capable of surviving multiple nuclear explosions with no damage - It is the stuff that was injected into Wolverine).


TBF & I are booked in to go into hospital tomorrow.
I will have my eight eggs harvested. I just imagine a doctor wearing a pair of denim overalls & a big straw hat coming in with a large scythe or sickle and announced "Ok yawl let's open them thar legs and gets ta choppin' Yeee harrrr". I am under anaesthetic thankfully. I LOVE going under. I don't get nauseous afterwards. I actually feel AWESOME afterwards like I have had the BEST sleep EVER.
TBF has to get a TESA (Testicular Sperm Aspiration ) which is under local anesthetic.
Hopefully they will get some good strong spermy from his goolies.
I am having tomorrow & Thursday off work and have been instructed to TAKE IT THE HELL EASY by Dr Smith. Afterwards it feels like bad period pain but luckily I can take Nurofen for it.

I will probably kick back & watch some uplifting happy movies that are on my MUST SEE list.... like
Oranges & Sunshine, Snowtown and The Lives of Others
OR I will just watch the Complete box set of Scrubs AGAIN.

Then we wait for 5 days and hopefully the little cungee-boys will have sweet sexy times with TBFs swimmers and they will create an embryo.

If so I will be implanted on Monday.

WACKY-DO.

:)

Thank you EVERYBODY for your thoughts & body parts crossing for us. We really appreciate it.
If we are successful we will be so happy. 
If it turns out we can't have a baby.... well yes it will be total shit...... but we will be OK knowing we have not only each other  but stacks of fucking awesome friends and family to keep us company instead.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox
See ya on the flip-side