1. HAPPINESS ( 1998 )

OK so I have chosen the most difficult film to review first.
I'll start by saying the the trailer for the film (as shown above) is really NOT a true reflection of what the movie is like or is about and I think is very misleading.

This movie was recommended to me by the little sister. She knows that I like my movies a bit "out there" and very black humour. She DID warn me that the theme is quite confronting & disturbing.
Well THAT is an understatement.
Phillip Seymour Hoffman (who I love) is hideous as a big fat sexual pervert. Every single character is simply awful... not the acting... the acting is great.
But the characters are awful. You keep hoping that during the movie they show SOME trait that might make you like them a little bit but it never comes and you just end up hating them all. I think that this is actually the point of the movie though.

The lead character is a pedophile. I do not know how this actor could have played this role.
It does NOT hold back and you know damn well that he is drugging & raping those boys.
The conversations he has with his son are very very very difficult to watch.
I actually had to turn the movie off about half way because of how uncomfortable I was.
I kept watching because I was intruiged about how it would end.
If you liked the movie "The Squid and The Whale" or even "Shortbus" you may like this films very adult themes.

I am only going to give this movie 2 stars out of a possible 5 stars.
One star for the fact that I had to watch until the end and One star because the acting is amazing.

I simply CANNOT recommend this film at all as it is too depressing & pedophile character is just too confronting but I WOULD be interested to hear if anyone else (besides my sister) has seen it and what they thought about it.

Two words can sum up this film.......

FUCKED UP

And She's Buying a Stairway to Heaven

Yesterday I got stuck back into it.
I hit the waterfront and did my Wednesday cardio that I had missed.
Walk 5 minutes
15 minutes of walk 1 minute jog 1 1/2 minutes (yep I can now jog for an extra 30 seconds!)
Walk 10 minutes
THEN........
stairs for 10 minutes.
Now, I would have thought that this would be too-easy-kampeezee as I work in a high-set house & walk up and down the stairs to the loo about a gazillion times a day.
I WAS able to jog up the first time but the rest of the time I just kinda power walked & grunted up & down. 50 steps up 50 steps down. Yes I counted them.

PRE-STAIRS ANXIETY

Stone the bloody crows! After about 5 minutes my quads were burning like the billy-os!
I managed to walk up & down the steps 8 times in 10 minutes.
That's 400 up & 400 down. It was a tough slog.

 

I then took over the kids playground to do my basket ball jumps (forward & back) and step ups.

Can I just say that I totally SUCK at jumping. I swear I can only jump about 2 cm off the ground.

I am very glad that I have cancelled my gym membership because doing my exercise on the water really does take the "this is total shit I hate exercising' atmosphere away and replaces it with a "this is total shit I hate exercising but how lovely is that breeze on my sweaty pits and how nice is the sparkly water this arvo oh look at that cute puppy"atomosphere.

I'm going to get up early tomorrow morning & do my SSS to get that bastard out of the way early mate.

 

 

I've Learned So Much from my Mistakes, I'm Thinking of making a few More.

Yesterday was weigh-in day. It was also the start of TTOM.
Mmmmm my favourite time of the month. NOT!
I turn into a bloated, snarling, tired, cranky monster with horrible girlie parts pain and lower back pain. I'm sure I have endometriosis but it costs 500 billion dollars to go and have the test done so I just pop Naprogesics like they are Skittles and scowl at everybody.


So anyway I get on the scales. 90.6kg. Seriously what the frick?
A gain of 2.6kg.
What, at this time of the month do my ovaries suddenly fill up with 2.6kg of fluid?!
I know I should have entered that weight into my 12wbt Stats yesterday but I didn't. I just couldn't BEAR to see my graph do such a dramatic spike up.
Yesterday, as the day went on the Terrible Sadness was hanging over my head like a wet stinky hoodie.
I know I know I know I SHOULD have gone for a big walk in the fresh air along the water to dust those yucky thoughts away BUT the pain in my prumpets (my name for my crappy swollen girlie bits) combined with my grey grey sadness and my frankly surley shitty attitude steered me instead to the safe confines of my house.

I could have just seen myself walking along and screaming "FUCK OFF!" to anyone who got in my way before collapsing into a pathetic sobbing heap on the footpath whimpering "Why do I bother why why why? I'll never be thin NEVER!!!!!!!!".
So I went home & cooked the Quorn & Haloumi Skewers with Pine Nut & Raison Quinoa (which was bullshit delicious), had a hot shower, took a Panadene Forte and was in bed by 7.30pm.
This morning I did my weigh in again. 89.1kg. Now THIS is more realistic. I normally gain about a kilo at TTOM. I entered THIS weight into this week's STATS.
I am feeling MUCH better today. I still have the yucky pain in my prumpies but my brain doesn't feel so mooshy.
Today I'm REALLY looking forward to doing my run/jog/walk/gasp thing and I am even going to try some stair runs. Yes STAIR runs.
I think I am going to have to get up early on Saturday morning to do my SSS as I have a busy weekend ahead... actually I have busy weekends for the next 3 weeks due to Christmas.
Saturday I have another Osteo appointment (oh yeah baby bring the pain!), Saturday night TBF & I are taking our neices (5 & 8) to see all the Christmas lights (OOOOOooo I LOVE Christmas lights!) then on Sunday I am going to a 12wbt Meet n Greet at Redcliffe. As usual, I am super nervous about meeting new people and hope I don't come across about being a boring dickhead looney.
And I have to do my food shopping, clothes washing & house cleaning.

 

The important thing is that yesterday I didn't use my Saddy McSadness as an excuse to go to Woolies and by a mega-packet of those Hilliers Mini White Chocolate Christmas Puddings.
The thought didn't even enter my mind.
Ok maybe it ENTERED my mind, sat down, nudged me in the ribs and tried to tempt me.

BUT PEOPLE I DIDN'T DO IT!!!

IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ridin' Along on a Push Bike Honey When I noticed You.

Howdy dudes & dudettes.
Sorry I haven't posted for a bit. I've bit pretty boring to be honest.
I have been SUCH a good girl when it comes to food and exercise and have been following the program closely...........
until Friday................ EPIC FOOD FAIL...........
My brother & I were driving up the Toowoomba range in my fourbie when BANG my radiator blew the hell up. Literally. Thank goodness we were near a place where we could pull over!
Long story short. RACQ Tilt truck came pretty fast so we weren't forced to drink our own piss. We taxied it to Mummsy's. TBF & his Dad sourced a new radiator & drove all the way up from Da Cliff and those mechanical geniuses fixed it. Very stressful.
Why epic food fail?
Well Mummsy decided that we should get fish & chips for dinner. Did I say "No Thank You Mummy darling I will have my fish grilled and no chips for me"?
Nup. I had crumbed fish, chips, deep fried scallops AND prawns.
THEN
on the drive back home around 11pm we stopped at the BP and I got a large chocolate milk drink (what tha? I NEVER drink chocolate milk drinks!) and a large Hersheys chocolate & cookies bar.
THEN
we got almost all the way home (now around 1.30am) and TBF brings out a packet of Twisties of which I proceed to devour around 4 big handfuls.
What a dickhead.
=================================================
In other news
On the weekend I decided to get the deadly treadly out of the shed and give her a clean up.
I washed the cockie and gecko poo off, pumped up her tyres & oiled her.
Yesterday arvo I took her for a roll down at the waterfront.
My bike is an Electra Red Betty and is made to cruise along the waterfront looking totally sick rad.
It is NOT made to go up big hills. It has 3 gears. Cruisy, Cruzin and Cool.
Getting TO the water is all fine and dandy. It was a bit hard going at first because I was going into the wind. I wore my heart rate monitor & it was showing a steady 140 bpm.
I was tearing along nicely managing to avoid the slow walking nattering elderly ladies, small screaming unsupervised children and the people who, no matter how much I dinged my retro bike bell, seemed not to hear me coming at all and seemed to deliberately stay walking 4 abreast along the shared walk-way. I restrained myself from yelling "Get out of the way Ya Bastards!!!"
I wore my super sexy Birkenstock sandals & the wind felt lovely whipping between my hobbit-like toes.

 

On the way back it was awesome. The wind was at my back and I was zooming along very nicely.

Until I got to THE HILL.

To get back home you have to go up this horrendous hill. Now, last time I rode my bike I couldn't get even a small amount up this mountain without having to get off and walk my pushie up it while gasping for precious oxygen. This time I managed to pedal about 1/2 way up before my legs and lungs gave out. (damn you 30 years of durries)

Puffing, I took a big swig of delicious water and then continued upwards like I was in the Tour De France. OMG. What a killer!

 

THE HILL OF HORROR

I finally made it home, bright red and totally puffed but feeling great. I had ridden for 35 minutes and felt like I had burnt about 5000 calories.

"Wowwee what a GREAT WORKOUT. My thighs are burning. I'm freakin' knackered! "

I checked my heart rate monitor for calories burnt.

 

WHAT THE HELL?!!!

I had ONLY burnt 289 calories! Dammit. So I went inside & did my Ab exercises.

It took HOURS for the redness to go down in my face.

Oh well. At least I exercised and didn't just plonk my lard arse down on the couch infront of the fan and watch re-runs of MASH.

Tomorrow's weigh in will be interesting.

Fingers crossed for a loss.

How did everyone else do this last week?

xxoxoxoxox

 

You're soaking in it

Now people I'm not really the sort of person who is affected by advertising. My brain usually zones out & starts daydreaming about Remix shoes or Hugh Jackman and I don't really pay attention.
I've only had two ads that have punched into my cerebral cortex and stopped me.
The first is the KFC ad when they bought out the KFC KRUSHERS. Now I hate KFC and the thought of eating it makes me gag BUT whoever is in their new food inventions department deserves a gold watch.  GODDAMM GOLDEN GAYTIME THICK SHAKE! Oh my freaking Lawd. AND the ad has people literally covered in this orgasmic cup of deliciousness. Mmmmm to be drenched in this..... sorry where was I?
Have I had one? No I have not. Why?
Because I know that it will be a life changing experience & like a crackie behind the dumpsters in a alley I will be hooked.

The second ad is for a private health care fund. I won't name them but the motto is:
"Find a Healthier You". Watching these ads immediately causes my bottom lip to quiver, tears to well up in my eyes and for me to clutch at my hubby's meaty bicep whimpering "sniff ... It's me...sniff... I can so relate... sniff. .. It's so sad.. look at them. looooooooook.....  sob".
In the ads people see or meet the newer healthier version of themselves while they are looking like total crap. They normally give their new self a big hug and they have tears in their eyes.

I guess I see alot of myself in these ads. I can't wait to meet the healthier and frankly bullshit slamming sexy hot version of myself.
If I was sitting in a cafe & the new version of myself walked in I would give her a hug & probably squeeze her arse while exclaiming in my worst Ghetto accent "Damn Gurl You Is Fyne!".
She would then probably answer " Get your chubby stubby dugong fingers off me woman and get out and go for a jog and stop bitchin about your dodgy knees!"
Does this ad make me want to take out private health insurance??..
No... no it doesn't.
Does this ad make me want to get off my arse & improve myself?
It sure does.

nice walking path at Redcliffe waterfront

In other news... Yesterday I went for a big powerwalk along the waterfront. I walked for 50 minutes.
It was lovely (except I wore my new fandangled magneticy knee brace thingy & it sliced into my flesh behind my knee like something Jigsaw would have used in the movie Saw... so I had to take it off). I still did the step-ups but instead of doing the Basketball jumps I did some lower half squats. I find that my knees are ok if I don't squat & then fully extend but do little quick reps.
I gotta tell you that walking really really makes my dodgy coccyx (giggle... coccyx...love that word) feel heaps better.
It must warm up the glutes and stretch it out. And trust me .. I got alot of glutes.
I'm nervous about weigh in tomorrow. I'll be devo'd if I've gained.
Fingers & toes crossed.
xoxoxoxoxo

Week One -

I'm in the wars people.  Vicki has her cranky pants on.
Let me explain. About a month ago I slipped arse up on our stupid slippery front porch & came slamming down on my arse on the top step. (see video above for re-inactment).
Now you would think that the multi-layers of lard would have prevented an injury kind of like an air bag in a car but noooooooooo.
I thought I had broken my hand and I jarred my back something chronic.
However, me being me I told myself to Harden the Fuck Up and stop my girly whining and get on with it. I'm such a dickhead.
One month later & the pain in my lower back has become unbelievable. On Thursday I had everything going. Nurofen O.Ding, rubbing a mixture of Deep Heat and Voltaren Gel, heat packs & finally the best invention in the whole universe.. the TENS machine.
Thankfully I was able to get an appointment with the Osteopath on Saturday.
After giving me the most excruitating massage ever she advised me that it was highly likely that I have fractured my coccyx (a word I never tire of saying). Massage & time are the cure.
I have bought myself one of those sexy donut cushions to sit on at work and have loaded myself up with Voltaren tablets.

But osteo lady has advised me not to run. FACE PALM. 
BUT THAT'S NOT ALL... OH NO....
I was a good little 12wbter & got up at 5.30am on Saturday to do my SSS. I did the Outdoors one but at home in my lounge. I was totally kicking arse and sweating like a crazy. In my third round I was doing the lunges and trying not to wake up hubby with my unlady-like grunting when I felt something tear in my left crunchy knee. I almost went down like a sack of spuds.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAHHHHHH FFFFARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK
I don't know WHAT the hell I have done. I can walk ok but it hurts alot when going down steps.
I'm pissed off because I was really looking forward to upping the anty with my exercise this round.
============================================

THE 'OUTDOORS' TONING PROGRAM IS A KILLER

In positive news........... My first weigh in on Wednesday was great with a loss of 900g.
I have been a good girl and sticking to my food & exercise programme.
Saturday night I went to Dwight Yoakam at The Brisbane River Stage with the MIL and was proud of myself for avoiding the hot chips & hot chocolate drinks (omg they had flavours like Caramel Mars, Jaffa and Cherry Ripe hot chocolate!) I stuck to my skinny flat whites. It was a great night.

 

Sooooooooooo

I will NOT be using my defective body as an excuse to stop exercising (like I would have in the past). I will persist but I will power walk instead of run. I'm not sure I can do instead of squats & lunges.

It just makes me bloody cranky.

Stoopid 40 year body.

I'm on my way from Misery to Happines Today. Arha Arha Arha Arha.

Well what a weekend!
TBF & I started by watching the Star Wars Trilogy on blueray on Friday night & half of Saturday.
Man I love Star Wars. Han Solo Mmmmm

 

Saturday night we headed out into the stormy weather to go to my work Christmas Dinner which was at an Italian restaurant called "Tartufo"at Emporium in the Valley. It was lovely. The restaurant decor is very deco and the food was wonderful. I TRIED to eat healthy. I had a little bit of everything. To be honest the food was all pretty healthy and all made fresh on the premises.
I had a chicken liver pate thingy for entree and the linguini seafood for main.
I skipped dessert & had a skinny latte. I highly recommend this restaurant.

Chrismas Party Loo Shot

Sunday morning I was up at sparrow's fart to go to Newfarm Park to meet my fellow Round 4 12wbters to do our fitness test as a group. The weather was shitful.. Was that going to stop us though??
No friggin way!
I was VERY nervous, as I always am when meeting new folks. I tend to blather on at a hundred miles an hour like a looney and worry that people are going to think I'm a nut-bag. (note: I actually AM a nut-bag but I just don't like people to know) . I also have a tendancy to swear like a drunken truck driver which tends to put people off. I needn't have worried because there were a stack of women (and one bloke) there of varying sizes, shapes, fitness levels and weights and they were all so friendly.
I was stoked to be able to meet face-to-face a few people that I chat to on Facebook. Turns out these people are even more fabulous, funny and amazing in person.

 

First off we had to do our 1km time trial. I had come equipped with my ipod shuffle with my Prodigy running track ready to rip my ear drums out. It was so rad doing the run/shuffle/walk/gasp with a stack of other people egging you on. It was drizzling with rain too which I thought made it even better. I did my 1 km in 7 minutes & 18 seconds.

Next up was the sit-up test. Turns out I have the core strength of a regurgitated jelly fish.

Then how many push-ups you can do in 1 minute. By this time it was raining which was awesome because it felt like I was participating in some sort of Bear Grylls extreme sports thing.

I can do 30 push up on my knees in one minute.

Then it was time for the torture. The Wall-Sit. You've got to sit against a wall for as long as you can.

Now I've got leaning drunkenly against walls down pat but sitting... geez louise.

I lasted 1 minute and 2 seconds and it felt like my quads were going to explode.

(One lady sat for 4 minutes!!!!!!!!!!! Bloody Hell.)

At the end of it all ... in the teeming rain I am so glad I went. I've never been included in any sort of TEAM sports event without people pointing and laughing at me or throwing wet tennis balls at me.

 

 

There were some AMAZING INSPIRATIONAL chickies there too. Who have already kicked some serious arse doing the 12wbt and are now there to inspire the rest of us.

(I'm looking at you Kate & Aedita) They are my new super heroes. Infact Kate is in the latest issue of New Idea magazine. OMG I met a celebrity!!!!!

 

 

It was so good to meet a bunch of like minded peeps all with the same goal of losing weight, getting healthy, feeling energetic, increasing our self esteem and looking super frickin HAWT.

Thank you SO much ladies for organising it.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!