For your information there’s an inflammation in my tear gland. I'm not cryin'.

FIRST OFFICIAL ROUND THREE WEIGH IN DAY.

I was feelin' gooood. Positive. My pants were definately feeling looser for sure.
Lalalala larrrrr I skipped down the hall to my weigh-in room.
86.2kg..
HANG ON ..... WHAT THE FECK??!!!
86.2!!!!!
GAIN OF 400g!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My bottom lip started quivering and my eyes started to fill up. My face squished up into my super pouty face that normally only appears when I can't afford a new 1940s rayon frock on Etsy.
 How? What? Why? When?
I thought that getting my hair chopped off on Saturday would have immediately wiped 200g off my weight.
Oh the humanity.
Sob.

"Never eat more than you can lift. " - Miss Piggy

"Sweet Poison" ..... how did I like it? meh.
All very very scientific & well.... boring. I found one of my eyes starting to turn in and a string of salvia forming on my chin. Don't get me wrong... if you are interested in biology and chemistry and shitloads of words ending in OSE you will love this book. I'm not sure what I was expecting.
Basically in 208 pages the message is DON'T EAT FRUCTOSE.
Personally I think that's a bit over the top. When someone says to me "You can NEVER have that EVER again". I tend to cross my arms, pout, stomp my foot & mutter "You can't tell ME what to do!" and poke my tounge out.
I'm a person who has done almost EVERY diet known to man-kind or at least bought the book, burnt 5 calories flicking through it before exclaiming "It's all just too hard!" and then adding it to the other Latest Diet Miracle Diet book shelf.
Basically, with my thorough research I think it comes down to this:

EAT CLEAN WHOLE FOODS.

EAT FRESH FRESH FRESH FOOD.

DRINK WATER.

EXERCISE.

HAVE TREATS... IN MODERATION!

As I was flicking through the book all I could think was "Stuff that!". Life is WAY too short to never eat cheesecake again.  What is the point of going on if you could NEVER have a Lindt white chocolate ball?? *shudder*  Personally, I would rather be eaten alive by a hoard of rabid ferrets than never taste my Nanny's Lemon meringue pie.
I think as long as you aren't chowin' down on the Cadbury, McDs and Coca-cola everyday and have a little bit than that is ok. I think I'm doing pretty good. No grog, No softdrink. No Maccas or KFC.
I reckon as long as 90% of my intake is food that comes from the ground or a tree and not from a can or bag then I am doing better than most.
Seriously this whole NO sugar NO carbs NO meat NO aspartime NO oil NO eggs thing gives me the shits.
Get off my back. If I was knocking back 2litres of full-cream Coke a day and eating a whole meatlovers with cheesy crust Pizza every week and eating burgers for lunch that is different.
Today I had Organic Natural Muesli with grated apple for breakfast. ERMEGHARD the muesli has 15g of sugar per 100g. EPIC FUCKING FAIL according to Sweet Poison. I disagree. It was yummy & had loads of fruit & masses of fibre.
Lunch I had homemade Lentil soup and a banana. OH GOD NOT A BANANA. Don't you know how much frigging fructose sugar a banana has???!!!!!!!!!!! Give me a break.
Anyway that is my rant over.
Maybe I should write a book.
-------------------------------------

(By the way I just want to add that I do not completely disagree with the basic message of the book which is there is WAYYYY too much sugar in everything we eat and we should read our labels.
The world DOES need to cut back on it's sugar content for sure. I just don't think you should BAN it from your life unless you have a medical condition).
TGIF.

Sugar Sugar. You are my Candy Girl & you got me wanting you.

Just a quickie today.... Thanks to that marvelous medium Facebook it came to my attention that yours truely is in the latest issue of Cruzin Magazine. In it is an article about the opening day of one of my favourite shops Your One Stop Pin Up Shop at Chermside.

A bunch of us pin-up lovin' gals converged on the newly opened shop to check out the hawt frocks & accessories for sale & to congratulate Mz Bek on bringing her store to Brissy Town.
Cruzin Magazine is sold in all good newsagencies. (if yours doesn't stock it then chuck a hissy fit)

Bek's Angels

=============================================

Also, after writing yesterdays rant about sugar & my flubba-wubba body craving, it was highly recommended by a number of you that I read "Sweet Poison - Why Sugar Makes Us Fat".

http://sweetpoison.com.au/

I like to keep myself edumacated about stuff n things n shit so I immediately zoomed out & bought it.

I'll let you know what I think. So far it's all very scientic n shit.

PS:  Today I've started having NO sugar in my coffee... I hope that my tastebuds get used to it soon.

Carry on.

 

 

Stewed, Blued & Tattooed

Firstly I would like to publically give myself a massive 12wbt upper cut in my Bert Newtonish face.
GAIN OF 1.6kg. I would love to blame this gain on the arrival of the evil Aunty Flo (I admit that bitch is partly to blame) however, I cannot. This past week has been a massive blur of SUGAR.
Baskin Robbins , Cheesecake, Picnic bar, Boost Caramel bar, Hot Chips, Cake Pop, Burritos and Licorice Allsorts. SUGAR SUGAR FAT SUGAR SUGAR.
I've given up the durries. I've given up the grape.  Now I need to give up the sugar. Sigh.
Bloody hell swimsuit season is nearly here and here I am scoffing my pie-hole with crap.
 I'VE GOT TO GET FOCUSED!!!!

In other Mz Vicki news.............

On the weekend TBF & I zoomed over to Archerfield in our custom-line 1996 Nissan Terrano to hit the awesome Mimsy's Trailer Trash Tattoo Open Day.

Mrs Mimsy has the most fabulous set up for her business. The waiting room contains 3 cool-as vintage caravans & tiki bar while upstairs is where the magic happens. 

I LOVE TATTOOS.

On other people.........

The closest I've come to getting a tattoo is when I accidently lent my wet arm on the Andy Capp & Hagar comic strip of the Sunday mail when I was 14 and another time when I was 19 when it took a whole month for The Gig Nightclub stamp to scrub off my wrist. 

I reckon about 90% of my friends have tattooes.  To be honest I don't really SEE tattoos on people anymore because I'm so used to being surrounded by a bevy of colourful characters.

I kind of like the fact that in this sea of inked, drawn and coloured flesh I am a rare little milky white vanilla skin freak.  So many 'vintage' 'retro' rockabilly fillies now are covered in pretty & gorgeous piccies.  I've always liked being different so it's good to be RARE CLEAN-SKIN. LOL

I think that tattoos are rad though.  They are like a living breathing artwork. (When done well) are a reflection of the person under them.  I've never found one image that I loved SO much that I want it to be permantently on my body. I'm too fickle.

The lovely Mimsy herself. YIKES

It was such a great day. The weather was superb, the company was grouse, the band The Ten Fours were rockin' (as usual) and the food was yummo. I can HIGHLY recommend (not if you are doing the 12wbt of course) trying some of the yummy yummy yummy cupcakes & cake pops from Sugar Bomb.   I had never had a cake pop before. O..M...G. I had the lemon & basil with white chocolate.

I seriously wanted to try all of them. The GOOD thing about the cake pop is they are like a single serving so if you have self-control (I obviously have none) you can have one without feeling like you have overindulged. You can find them on Facebook.

Be warned: Looking at the photo albums of cupcakes & cakes WILL cause extensive drooling.

CAKE POPS. SO SO YUMM.

Mz Sugar Bomb herself : Nicky xoxoxo

OK OK OK I really need to get myself under control with my sugar cravings. Maybe I should go to Go-Vita & get myself the 10,000 capsule bottle of Chromium and start popping them like tic-tacs.

XOXOXOXOOXOXOX

You know you're getting old when your back starts going out more than you do.-Phyllis Diller

R.I.P PHYLLIS DILLER
------------------------------------
The realisation settled on me like dust on my duchess top. It was Fitness Test time again.
As you all know Round Two was a bit of a non-event for me what with IVF, the deathly lurgy, not to mention that I came down with a terrible bout of laziness & apathy.
I haven't completed my fitness test since *gulp* May 29! Oh the 12wbt Shame of it.
So yesterday arvo I hit the track. I did a warm up of brisk walking for one kilometre & then BANG I was off. "Depectacon" by Le Tigre blasting my eardrums out. Around the 500 metre mark I started to suffer so I fast forwarded to "Piahrana" by the Prodigy. Oh ... my... Goodness...
I never thought I would EVER get to the 1km mark! It was like the min-min light. It just didn't seem to be getting any closer!!! FINALLY my flat duck foot slammed down on the mark.....

The time was actually 6.36 minutes. It took 2 seconds for my shaking hands to find the STOP button.

Then I started coughing, dry retching & gasping all at once. I seriously thought I was going to chuck infront of this nice old lady walking her poodle. I stopped & did some stretching on a bench.

Thank the heavens the fitness test is only every month.

So here's how I'm coming along.

ROUND ONE WEEK ONE:  7 minutes and 20 seconds

ROUND ONE WEEK 12:  6 minutes and 45 seconds

ROUND TWO WEEK 4:  6 minutes and 25 seconds.

EXCUSE WHILE I BLOW CHUNKS

I decided to walk the 2km back to the car musicless & just focus on controlling my raspy breathing by gazing across the calm bay and repeating in my mind "Do not hurl Do not hurl".

The weird thing was my throat felt like it was burning & I just could NOT stop coughing.

Have you ever watched one of those YouTube clips of those dickheads that eat a Ghost Chili (the hottest chilli in the galaxy). If you haven't you should .. HIL-AR-IOUS.

Well my throat felt like that.  Then.... as I was coughing & gasping I walked into one of those swarms of miniscule flying bugs. I don't know what they are? Not mozzies or midgies. Little tiny things that seem to stalk me if I walk at dusk. A bunch of them went into my mouth.

GAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, this running caper is friggin' nuts!  This fit chick jogged past me as I was spitting up bile & bugs and you know what? She looked like she was ENJOYING running.

ENJOYING IT. Bloody Nut-job.

I quickly threw myself into my car & slammed the door on those vicious flying terrorists & zoomed home. Hacking & Gasping for air. Phew.

Once home and after my yummy dinner of Lentil Loaf (yummmmm) I set about baking some Pumpkin Chocolate Brownies. I wanted a healthy alternative to the Picnics, Cadbury Marvelous Creations (omg how good are they?) and Lindt balls I've been craving.

My tots buff friend Mrs Stubbs refered me to a bodybuilding recipe site & the rad recipe.

My brownies turned out OK. I have the WORST oven ever. It is one of those el-cheapo bench top ones. So my brownies turned out still a bit mooshy in the middle . BUT still very very yummo!

NOTE - The corn snuck into this shot & are not an ingredient

Here is the link to the recipe:  Pumpkin Protein Bars

I used Stevia instead of Xylitol, butternut pumpkin instead of canned pumpkin and Choc Isowhey powder instead of Vanilla.

I'm pretty excited about starting Round Three. I'm feeling pretty motivated & keen to get below 80kg by my birthday in October.

SWEET AS MAYTE!!
xoxoxoxoxo

Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!- Troy McClure

Yesterday was the Ekka show public holiday..
Can I get a HELLS-YEAH!!
I haven't been to the Ekka since I was about 15 years old when I had a massive panic attack because I was caught in the crowds in the tunnel on my way to see the cat show pavillion.
So many screaming people and children, people hacking & snorting & vomiting, the noise of the scratchy loud speaker blaring out HOT DIGGITY DAGWOOD DAWGS GET YA HOT DIGGITY DAGWOOD DAWGS! and all those rides that send my adrenal glands into hyperdrive.
The ONLY positive thing about the ekka is the Bertie Beetle show bag but these days you've got to fight the throngs of hyped up on Monster Drink tweens all jostling & talking WAY too loud fighting to buy the latest One Direction or My Little Porn Star bag.
Just give me the dog/cat pavillion & the fruit exhibit.
Needless to say the the Ekka is NOT my idea of a fun day.
So, instead TBF forced me to get out of my flannies, get tarted up & actually leave the house.
We hit our new favourite takeaway food joint : Guzman Y Gomez.

This place serves up the most unbelievably good Mexican food and I don't mean that horrific Montezemus crap smothered in 5 litres of friggin sour cream & 10 kilos of cheese.

OMG So good. I got a burrito. A Chipolte Steak one.

It's about the size of a 6" sub but is about a gazillion times tastier.

It is also a gazillion times bad for you.

Thanks Calorie King for once again delivering the sad truth....

842 calories . Sigh. Definately NOT 12wbt approved but MAYBE on Saturday treat day!

tasty tasty burrito.

After we had eaten until we thought our guts would explode we headed over to one of my favourite shops.

Atomic Martini Vintage

Lisa the Queen of everything vintage & stylish has moved her shop to Clayfield which unfortunately (insert sarcastic font) is now directly on my route home. Sweet.

So of course, we had to go & suss out her new digs. I need to buy a thesauras because I need more words to use instead of FABULOUS that I have a tendency of overusing.

Just the assortment of vintage hats again had me salivating like a dog locked in a hot car.

If you have a chance be sure to pop in for a gander & be prepared to get lock jaw from gawping at all the fabul....... awesomeness for sale.

Mz Lisa the Style Queen

The store is on a main road & I think I did my bit by standing out the front posing & gesturing toward the shop like a model from Sale of The Century.  I think Lisa was concerned for my safety on the busy roadway because she quickly suggested I come back inside. She's so caring.

I've also discovered on Flakebook that a few of you have signed up to do Round Three of the 12wbt. Don't worry I won't out you. You're 'secret' is safe with me. If yawl need any handy hints just ask me.

Not that I am a good example of the programme.

I guess my advice is just following Mish's advice and

JUST FUCKING DO IT!

(ok she says Just Freaking do it.. tomayto tomarto)

Just think ladies..... by Christmas we are going to look SLAMMIN' HAWT in our vintage togs.

Yep just like Esther Williams on the cover of Movieland

.. that'll be us

xoxoxoxox

Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.

Well today is weigh-in day. I LOST 900g woohooo. Bringing me down to a positively gaunt 84.6kg!
As long as that graph is going down I'm happy.

I put it down to one word.....
ORGANISATION

Last weekend while other people went outside & enjoyed the sunshine I stayed inside my house & cooked up a storm. I cooked up Cajun Fish Stew, Indian Lentil Soup & Thai Pumpkin soup. I boiled up eggs & wrote up my week's food & exercise programme.
Planning & being organised is the key to my brain not feeling like a puffer fish in the sun.

visualisaton of my brain when stressed & overwelmed.

The other thing I have done is bought myself a fancy little notebook and whenever I think of.... well anything really.... songs I hear on the radio that I like.... things I want to buy (this list is quite long).... crafty things I want to try.... funny words (this week's word is ennui).... snack ideas. This helps get the thoughts OUT of my head.
Helps make me feel like I AM IN CONTROL.

I'm back on the 'clean' eating train. (except for that Picnic I ate yesterday. Nuts are protein right?)
I recently re-discovered navel oranges. OMG I must have been living under a rock. What have oranges ever done to me? I would go to Woolies and see them and just completely disregard them.
"Oranges. Pfft. Boring fruit". I would think as I moved onto the more exotic Nashi pears & cherries.
This week I thought.. "What the hell.. I'm feeling sassy. I'll buy some meh oranges".
OH CITRUS HEAVEN ALL WRAPPED UP IN A ROUND ORANGEY GOODNESS.
I'm now addicted. I'm sorry I judged you oranges. :(

In other news I am so excited because my brother & his wife had a baby boy this week. After a super long labour finally Bronson Denis came into the world. 10 pound 4!!!!!

It's so cool that my widdle brother is now a Dad. (and a bit weird)

I look forward to being a totally cool and rad aunty and spoiling my nephew rotten.

I also look forward to when Bronson is about 15 years old telling him stories about all the horrific things his father did to me when we were young.  hehehehehhehe